Do you ever worry you will be recognized on TMB?


    I have noticed that some user names are nicknames and some include proper names (even last names!) I (using a carefully nondescript alter ego) have been quite candid and as I have gotten more and more comfortable posting I realize I have probably let more and more details slip that–if anyone who knows me in real life were also a member–could identify me.  Suddenly I’m wondering if anyone I know (or go to church with!!!) knows about and is a member of this board. Does anyone else worry about this? Do you share the website with friends? Those who use proper names:  do you share less because you are identified by name? If you think you know who someone is in real life, would you PM them to ask? If someone thought they knew you, would you want to be approached? Would you ever want to discover you lived in the same town with someone you’ve met on the board? Would you be mortified if you met in person?

    I don’t have ANYONE besides Hubby that I can discuss sex with comfortably, so I’m  not giving it up, even if I freak out about these questions a little sometimes, so I’m not trying to steer anyone away from open discussion. I’m just curious how others feel.

    Under the stars Asked on June 1, 2019 in None of The Above.
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      I’m conflicted about a response to this question. While I’m relatively new here, I would like to believe that, in the very remote chance the opportunity to meet any of you personally should arise, it wouldn’t feel awkward since we already know very intimate details about one another. And since we all agree that what we do in our individual marriage beds has God’s “seal of approval” why should I be ashamed or embarrassed!
      I could further say that, in my opinion, it would be extremely helpful to Christian marriages on a broader scale if much of what we discuss here was being discussed in our individual churches. Think about the tremendous good it would do for the marriages of our children and grandchildren if they were truly taught how hot God intended married sex to be. They might get it “right” from the outset instead of having to try to undo much of the harmful misinformation learned via porn etc.
      So it makes me wonder does the shame and awkwardness associated with being recognized in any way reflect upon how I feel subconsciously about what my DW and I do in bed? I mean we’re married and God EXPECTS us to have sex. Why should it be embarrassing to admit that we do and BTW we LOVE it?
      Nonetheless I hide my identity and then wonder why nothing changes. Thank God for this forum as it is , at the very least, a huge step in the right direction. I am very grateful for all who make up the community here.

      Fell out of ... Answered on June 2, 2019.

      One benefit I have found, is reading and talking about sex in this setting, nurtures a comfort level so that it is easier to talk about it IRL.

      on June 2, 2019.
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        I have not directly recommended the forum to anyone, and I probably never will. I have directed people to the main site, and if they stumble upon the forum, I figured there’s a better chance to keep my anonymity and I figured it is God-directed like my own story. But, I am not ashamed of what I write or share either, yes it may be embarrassing, but I definitely have a ministry mindset and know that God will use it. We try to live authentic and transparent lives anyway, here, they are just getting a little (or a lot 😉 ) more details.

        My husband has actually been one who has encouraged me to reveal our identity to certain people so that we could minister to them better…”It’s ministry, it’s what we do.” I am still pretty cautious, but I have loosened up, though it is not easy. I know recently I have pulled  back a new layer to my identity in another place, so now a new group of women can figure out who I am. There are multiple people (male and female) on here that I have shared my identity with, and them with me. That really doesn’t affect what I share, although on occasion the thought enters in about what they may think since they could visualize us if they wanted. I have gained some of my closest friends ever from TMB, I would have missed out on that/them if I wasn’t willing to take a risk and trust (but I use lots of discernment.)

        I had more of a worry of the judgement and rejection I would receive once people actually saw/met the real me versus the perceived me that they had imagined from the anonymous me.

        Under the stars Answered on June 2, 2019.
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          I don’t think I would care if anyone found out who I was in the forum…I didn’t make up a nickname to necessarily “conceal” my identity, but to give how I feel about my marriage and “identity” so to speak.

          I’ve made our marriage difficult, and I think we (as a Christian society) are way too hush hush about sex, so I’d rather people knew I was working on my marriage and seeking the advice of others as well as sharing my story.

          On the floor Answered on June 2, 2019.
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            I am extremely paranoid about being “known” online.  I have different anonymous email addresses for things like TMB and Facebook, and I try not to share too many specifics about my life (where I live, where I work, etc.)  There is ONE person from TMB who I have shared my geographic location with – she and I live in the same state and even the same county, but I have never told her exactly where or who I am.

            As far as being mortified by meeting people IRL, yes, I would have a real problem with that.  We found out that someone on the old TMB forum goes to the same annual gun show as my husband, and my husband did NOT want to find out who exactly that was and/or discuss anything sexual with him, especially after I told my husband what/how much I had shared about him on TMB.

            No, I’ve never told anyone IRL that I was on either of these TMB forums or invited them to join.

            Hammock Answered on June 2, 2019.
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              Since the new board came about, I came up with a user name that is much different than the one that I  used on the  on the old board. The name that I used on the old board, I always was nervous that somebody would be able to figure out who I was.

              Double bed Answered on June 2, 2019.
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                Personally, I’d love to have somoene IRL that I could talk to about this and be very open/frank with.

                Queen bed Answered on June 4, 2019.

                me too my spouse    LOL

                on June 4, 2019.

                We could start a whole discussion on that alone!

                on June 4, 2019.

                It doesn’t bother me to talk to people about this IRL…. it’s just finding the right time and place.  Sometimes we are the one who needs to take the first step, it’s vulnerable, and some people may turn away or judge, but you just might find someone who has been desperately seeking an open and honest person to talk with as well.  I know I find open and honest people like a breath of fresh air, and I tend to gravitate towards them because if they are that way, then I can be that way around them.  It’s how we can know others and become known.

                on June 4, 2019.

                Does not bother me to discuss subject with just about anyone in the appropriate  setting.   But basically no discussions with DW for six months

                on June 4, 2019.

                I would also love to be able to have some of these discussions IRL. SeekingChange, what happens to me is that I AM an open and honest person and WANT to know and become known so I tend to share…and then am later embarrassed when I realize I shared a whole lot more than the other person did and I feel like they are just soaking up my vulnerable spots for their own edification without reciprocating. I’m not mentally coordinated enough to be protective of myself at the same time I am being open and honest! Thus, the anonymity is hugely valuable to me, yet at the same time I long for a real friendship of this depth.

                on June 4, 2019.
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                  As far as meeting people IRL, let me just say that several years ago I hosted the first (and so far only) TMB Conference.  It was held at the church I pastored at the time.  Paul and Lori Byerly (who own TMB) came and spoke, and we had about 30 people show up, some from several states away.  All of us who came thought it would be really awkward, but it was not at all!  Nobody shared more than they wanted to, and the teaching and fellowship we had together was amazing!

                  We actually gave away several prizes like a Hitachi Wand and even a handmade sex chair that could be used in all sorts of ways.  Far from being awkward and uncomfortable, I fondly remember that weekend, the people I met and the laughter that was shared and wish we could do another one!!

                  California King Answered on June 4, 2019.
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                    Aside from my wife I have not told anyone that I am a member of this board. I would not want to meet any of you IRL because I think the anonymity of this board is one of the reasons for its success. While I may talk about sex in general with other people, I certainly do NOT talk to other people about the difficulties DW and I are experiencing with our sex life.

                    California King Answered on June 2, 2019.
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                      I use the same name as the old board.  My wife knows that I’m on. Here as I read to her many of the posts. I am able to be candid because I use an online name that no one who knows me would be able to figure out.  That being said, I’m not ashamed of anything I have said on here or anything I have confessed on here.  I’m in several dynamic relationships with brothers in Christ so my life is no mystery.  All of my kids know all of my struggles because I share them with them as a learning tool.  They are all adults and married.  So, because my life is an open book I have no “worry” of being recognized on TMB.

                      Queen bed Answered on June 2, 2019.
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                        I think I have shared enough that it would be possible for people that know me to identify me. I have thought about that too. I’m sure that will keep me from recommending this site to others which is too bad.

                        California King Answered on June 2, 2019.
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