Do you pray with your spouse?

    For myself, we seldom pray as a couple. Several men at mens groups mention the importance to me, but,

    • Am I wrong in assuming that most Christian couples do not pray together?

    Allow me to clarify this; do you pray at least once per week and both of you speak during the prayer.

    • if so, where and when? (in bed or bedroom, kitchen, over a bible or holding hands, etc
    • If not why? whoever you are, is it you, the other spouse or is it just a busy house. (realize that if you do say”too busy,” I may challenge that assertion)

    AND

    • Do you pray for better intimacy in/for either of you?

     

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    14 Answer(s)

      I think you are probably correct that most Christian couples do not pray together (other than at meals or church).  My wife and I have rarely prayed with each other out loud.  In the past  we have it has been because something major was going on and we felt the need to spend time together praying.  We’ve prayed in the bedroom and in the living room.  I want to say there was no physical contact but maybe holding hands.  I think for us we just never have made it priority.  We have never prayed for better intimacy, she would be very shy to do so, even in front of me.

      Now there is one exception to all of this.  My wife and I had hit a wall in our marriage and had it out finally (meaning we actually sat and talked about it).  At the end I had her write out a few things that she would like me to start doing in order to show her love.  1.  Take her on a date at least once a month.  2.  Go over our calendars weekly.  3.  Pray for each other once a week out loud.  We did this prayer time each week after our calendar meeting.  We would ask each other if there was anything that we could pray for each other for.  Then take turns praying for each other, no contact, just sitting in chairs next to each other.  She really enjoyed the time, I never felt like it was all that meaningful.  I was still pretty upset that I had her write out things but she didn’t ask me to do the same so all the change came from my side.  This prayer time lasted about 7 or 8 months, then Covid hit our home.   I got sick, that was about a month straight, still working my job at the church from home, but our calendars went from something we needed to discuss to “Oh, we are home again all day today” lol.  So we stopped doing the calendar meetings which meant we stopped doing the prayer time.

      Now with that said, I’m grateful for this question because I had completely forgotten about that and I will be trying to starting it up again once a week for her sake.  So thank you for the reminder.

      Double bed Answered on September 4, 2020.

      Your wife and mine must talk. This thing where husbands NEED to somehow show that we love our wife is endless. I get it but most days she is fine then suddenly I mention lack of intimacy and she goes off about how I don’t show love.

      Men are different in this area and often (my opinion) women feel they have the upper spiritual hand to tell us men where we need to improve. This sort of disrespect spills over into prayer and in the end the enemy wins.

      on September 4, 2020.
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        We pray together each morning. We ask how we can best love/serve the other that day and then one of us prays.  We also pray together each night before falling asleep, usually alternating, one prays in the am and one at night. If one of us is having a rough day, we will call and pray with each other as well.

        On the floor Answered on September 4, 2020.
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          Under your specific clarifications, our answer would be “no.” But my husband prays out loud for us every night, before we go to sleep, and he does pray for our intimacy. When we both pray out, it’s for very specific incidences…like with a kid, or a tough meeting he’ll be going into, or a need in that moment, etc.

          Under the stars Answered on September 4, 2020.

          sounds better than no prayer at all.

          on September 4, 2020.
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            Besides praying before each meal as a family, DH and I also kneel down and pray together every night before going to bed. At meal times we always hold hands, whether at home or elsewhere. At bedtime we sometimes hold hands, but more often we are just cuddled up beside each other.

            At bedtime, we each pray out loud. Besides everything else, we thank God for each other and ask Him to bless our marriage and marriage bed, and to heal or remove anything that might be hindering us. If we have discussed an issue one of us is having, we might both pray about that. If it happens to be of a delicate nature, we might ask each other if its ok if to mention it during prayer. DH always says, ‘go ahead. You can pray for whatever you want!’

            We wouldn’t be mean about it. Like in a fit of exasperation, ask that God would heal her sex drive, or make him less grumpy, etc. We are kind and respectful to and about each other when we pray.

            Under the stars Answered on September 4, 2020.

            sounds like the kind of prayer I could do. Awesome.

            I assume your marriage is good alongside usual life issues.

            on September 4, 2020.
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              I would like to second, not as often as we could.
              We often pray together, we often pray for each other, we usually hold hands unless we’re blessing our food. I wish we were doing it throughout the day and every day, but things are busy. We spent a few months as part of church’s intercessory prayer team, and I continued for a couple of years.
              I think of prayer as more of a conversation with God and talk to Him throughout the day – sometimes even out loud, so yes, some people think I’m crazy.

              King bed Answered on September 4, 2020.
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                Late to the party, but I’ve really been comforted by this thread! I’ve had this picture in my mind of what a Christian couple’s prayer habits “should” look like and so since we haven’t measured up to that, it has always felt like we are failing at it. It is still true that we could be a lot better, but it’s nice to learn that we are not uniquely challenged.

                We pray before meals when we sit at a table; we tend to forget when we eat in the living room. (Dining room–only–table is right by the door from the mudroom so it is the landing pad and the launch pad and a real struggle to keep clear.) I pray conversationally throughout the day and I think DH has begun to do some of that. When a prayer request comes in from the church (we have a system that calls everyone with a recording–very handy) we stop and pray together right then if we are together.

                We started out praying together at night before bed, but it felt awkward to go from praying to sex or from sex to praying (I know, it shouldn’t, but it did) so it was interfering with our sex life. Occasionally I would pray, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, “Thank you Lord for the sex we are about to receive,” because that’s what it felt like to pray before hand, not to mention if we had been in the mood, stopping to pray kind of took the edge off.  We tried picking another time of day, but never landed on one that stuck. For a long time I felt like I was the one always trying to establish this discipline and he only agreed with me, never initiated it, so eventually I just stopped. I vaguely remember telling him that he was supposed to be the leader and that if we ended up dead Christians because we didn’t have a vibrant relationship with Christ, that was on him. I was frustrated and mad, and it wasn’t fair of me to do that to him, and for a long time nothing much happened, but eventually as I focused more on my own personal relationship with Christ and spiritual disciplines, he has taken on more of a leadership role. He will call us to prayer when we are discussing a problem and will pray for me when it is obvious I am suffering or struggling. Occasionally in conversation about a problem I will still say to him, “Well you know what the One Thing we can do that would help with that is, don’t you,” and then he is reminded of prayer. He struggles with concentration in general, and often feels (I believe) like his prayers are just words hitting the ceiling, so to make this progress is real faith.

                When we prayed together before bed, and the other times we have made the effort to do so, we follow the advice of our then-preacher’s wife from our pre-marriage counseling: she said to pray every night for each other, in each other’s hearing. That has always been a blessing, and when we don’t it isn’t nearly so much about failure to maintain a good habit as it is just missing out on an incredibly valuable gift.

                Like many, we have seemed to increase our prayers during the hard times–infertility, the adoption process with our daughter, certain things she has gone through, my cancer scare. Only since that last have we begun to pray specifically about the MB, as it has been threatened by the physical changes that I experienced.

                 

                Under the stars Answered on September 15, 2020.
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                  We have, but do not do so nearly enough. It has always seemed a little “weird” for us, but when we do it always makes us (or me) feel better about things. It is something we should do more often. I’m sure that more practice at it would mean being more comfortable with it.

                  We have prayed together specifically about our sex life a few times. But the problem is there is this elephant in the room where each one can get lost in trying to say what the other wants you to say, or trying NOT to say what you don’t want but know the other does. So I have found that good discussions work out better and then I will often lead us in a prayer of simple “Lord, help us grow together….etc.”

                  Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on September 4, 2020.

                  Definitely!

                  My wife is one of spontaneity. She feels that prayer should be something where you “wing” it since God is smart enough to understand.

                  However, I am an orderly guy. I want order and organization; For instance in prayer time I get to act like pastor…”I will pray for this you pray for that…I’ll close, ok?” She doesn’t like it so disorder rules the day as she gets tired and often falls into a slumber towards the end.

                  Since she will not honor my lead, we don’t pray often, just special stuff.

                  She also likes intimacy to be spontaneous but lately with kids and fatigue, sex needs to bee scheduled. Funny that she wants both prayer and sex to have the nature of spontaneity and both are not working.

                  on September 4, 2020.
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                    Yes, besides praying before meals, we’ll pray at morning or night several times a week in bed. We pray holding hands at meals as a family and as a couple and we’ll do so after having arguments or difficult conversations at the table, kitchen, back deck, kitchen, etc. and we’re always hugging and/or holding hands during it. (It’s another way of cementing our physical, emotional and spiritual connection.) 

                    Prayers of blessing over each other….prayers for needs we’re aware of for our family or others..wisdom for direction/decision-making….prayers for church and ministry issues and needs…prayers for peace and relief from stress and anxiety…and prayers of gratitude and praise.
                    We may both pray or one of us. It’s a simple and easy way to bless my wife, connect with & lead her spiritually, it can remind us of our goals, dreams and responsibilities that go beyond our relationship, and it is a reminder that we’re on the same team.

                    DW will typically daily send me a Scripture and prayer via txt which is one of the most meaningful things she does for me. I value it more than ALL she does around our home (which is a lot)…and it’s right up there with sex, both which demonstrates her love for me.

                    Have I prayed with my wife for our intimacy? On occasion but most of the time it’s thanking God for such a wonderful blessing of sex and love-making, praising Him for thinking up such a wonderful experience for a husband and wife, and praising and thanking Him for my beautiful wife who understands and values this gift.

                    Under the stars Answered on September 4, 2020.

                    A thankful heart is a great thing to have.

                    on September 4, 2020.
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                      We pray every night before going to sleep – after sex or not. Mrs. Oldbear cuddles on her side under my arm and nestles her head on my chest. She loves to have me pray and quietly reminds my of a person or request that I might miss during my prayer through ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication). This is a practice that has taken root in our past few years.

                      I also pray with her during the day. Quite often I’ll take her into my arms and share a brief prayer. Because of our age, we often hear of a friend’s need and we immediately pray.

                      We are blessed to be in sync with our awe and desire to bring our thanks, cares, and concerns to the Lord – spontaneously and intentionally.

                      Under the stars Answered on September 4, 2020.
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                        Great comments people.  It’s a wonder what things could be with just an agreed prayer between my wife and I. For 8 years she prayed for me to get a good  job with all her friends and facebook prayer groups. She always reminded me of this…for 8 years.

                        California King Answered on September 4, 2020.

                        So why not just start, C.J? We all had to start somewhere.

                        on September 4, 2020.

                        It’s a respect issue. She won’t cooperate. My suggestions always sound good and start out as good conversation but after 35 years and my career failures plus unemployment, all our prayers for a new job failed, she has no reason to believe I have any leadership qualities nor any connection to God for that matter. Often she hints that I am unsaved!!

                        I remain the Bible scholar and maintenance/babysitter guy in the house, nothing more. Intimacy issues are not hard to figure out since they are linked to respect. I came to TMB to see if I am missing anything in the intimacy/sex area. So far I am right about everything. I wish I wasn’t.

                        Her disrespect is daily. I am like one of her kids. I am corrected, corralled and lectured daily. I am so disrespected that she assumed I needed help to paint the living room or else I was unable!

                        She hates the word respect/disrespect. I can’t budge from this area. But also too old to fix. So, how do WE pray then?

                        on September 6, 2020.

                        If you would like to start praying with your wife, why not humbly ask her to pray with you. You mentioned in another comment about being like a pastor, telling her how to pray etc. If you are really doing that, leave it off. Tell her you would like to start praying with her. Than in her presence, sincerely thank God for her, ask Him to help you be the husband He wants you to be, etc. Give her the option of praying out loud with you, but no strings attached. If she doesn’t join you, quietly accept that for now, with no lecture on respect or disrespect. And keep on praying. Just my thoughts after reading this last night and praying about it.

                        on September 7, 2020.
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