Does a planned date night come with the expectation of sex?
Is there an expectation or even an outright agreement that a date night leads to or involves sex?
What percentage of date nights has sex as a component?
For us it’s about 75% of the time. Since we get to really connect differently and 1:1 it is a nice build to get cleaned up and ready for the night out.
I think if we both looked at is an expectation of the night, then it may be different, but we both enjoy getting ready for each other and having it be a special treat.
What is this date night you speak of? Sadly, our date nights have been few and far between for a while (surgery and recovery, daughter stuff, busy hubby, etc. And, oh yeah, Covid!) Anyway, when we DID have more frequent date nights, we usually did finish off with sex. Frankly, a lot of the nights we might otherwise go out we end up having family nights at home. I’m okay with that. Our DD is at an age that if she wants to spend time with us, I’ll take it because that may not last all that much longer.) We’ve been brainstorming lately about ways to incorporate greater romance and intimacy in our everyday, stay-at-home life.
In my first marriage we didn’t start having date nights until the kids were grown enough to be left alone. That corresponded to the time we started working on our MB. As a result, making special plans to go out to eat and spending time together usually ended up with us ML when we got home. Later on we used to get a hotel room specifically for sex dates, but the whole purpose of those was to ML, so I wasn’t counting those.
Many of our conflicts arise because I always associate “special night” with sex, either then or at least the next day, because it makes me feel so close to my wife and I want to express that in the most intimate way possible. But much of the time my wife does not – it’s just a “nice time” and she doesn’t want to feel pressure for anything else.
Even when we communicate our expectations, I will admit I am still always thinking there’s still a possibility. It is frankly hard for me to enjoy a special and meaningful evening with her while simultaneously slamming the door on any chance of physically expressing that intimacy.