Does anyone else have something, other than sex, that seems to be a constant friction in your marriage?

    If so, what is it? Have you found ways to deal with it? How?

    For us, my husband’s time management seems to be a forever thorn in my flesh.   He is consistently late.  He often under estimates how long something will take, by hours.  

    I have done introspection on why it bothers me.  I have tried to realize this is who he is, and adjust accordingly.  “Adjusting” often means driving separately, doing things without him, not making plans for him to be around, etc.  I have removed a lot of my expectations.  I actually have come to expect his dependable ways of not being dependable in this area. 

    But, there are certain times where there’s no way to work around his ways and choices of having a deep impact on me.  Which then leaves me with emotional turmoil to work through, and it’s often how many trips/vacations have to start….there’s nothing like having to start what is supposed to be a bonding and good time as a couple, or family, on a sour note.

     

    Blanket on a secluded beach! Asked on August 12, 2019 in Other (Other non-sexual marriage issues.).

    I’ve recently realized we have two points of contention. I on the one hand have come to realize that I can be overly critical. Nothing in particular, but I catch myself mentioning minor things too much. How something was cooked, the way she says something (vocabulary or mispronunciation), backseat driving etc. Just dumb things that really don’t matter. I’m working to realize it is not helpful, and that I don’t need to say anything.

    On the other hand, she has a tendency to “mother” me by questioning if I’ve done something, or if I have “things” before we head out, etc. It can get on my nerves ( especially if she is right LOL).

    I’m beginning to realize we both do these things out of a desire to help each other be better people. I’ve also noticed that. As I’ve cut down on my part, she has also cut down on her part.

    on August 13, 2019.
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    6 Answer(s)

      SC, thanks for sharing that. Sorry that has been such a persistent struggle and source of friction for you two.

      I can’t think of anything that causes that much friction. (Nor does sex – except when we don’t use enough lube 😉 )

      Like, how we use money is ok. In laws, don’t cause problems. What we do on vacation, is fine. How we raise our kids, is pretty smooth. We are pretty much the same on scheduling and time use too. Our values and beliefs are very similar.

      I’m praying for you, as you bringing this up today, probably indicates you are facing it now or soon.

      Fell out of ... Answered on August 12, 2019.
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        My wife is very cluttered, while I am more of the “a place for everything, and everything in it’s place” sort of person.

        It can be very stressful for me if I let it(and I sometimes do).

        My travel trailer is pretty small, and it would get overwhelmed with clutter in a day if I let it, but as long as it is tidy, then I am ok with the size.

        I actually had a lady tell me today that I was the neatest man she ever met. She was helping me track down an electrical problem so she saw the insides of my trailer.

        King bed Answered on August 12, 2019.
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          No, I can’t think of anything major. But we are different in many ways: personality, hobbies, daily routines and ways of doing different tasks … all of those differences can be a minor irritation in our relationship if we let it, but we are getting better at getting along in those areas and respecting each other’s opinions, while acknowledging we don’t agree on everything.

          Queen bed Answered on August 12, 2019.
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            Our major friction points revolve around how we spend our free time and extra money.  I would rather spend time and money as a family and with our church family doing fun outings/trips and serving together,  he would rather spend time/money on projects/hobbies that he does on his own.  Typing that out makes it seem like my preference is the better one which I’ve come to realize isn’t true, I’m an extrovert, he’s an introvert and left to my own devices I’d probably majorly overload our schedule and become stressed where he would probably spend too much time alone and not have fellowship so we balance each other well.  However finding that balance is definitely a practice of dying to self and preferring the other over yourself and it often causes friction when we don’t do that well.  The degree that it causes friction has lessened dramatically over the years but it still pops up again occasionally.

            Hammock Answered 7 days ago.
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              Our continual sources of friction are budgeting and planning ahead. Neither of us is really great at either one, but the consequences of both have been a fairly continual source of friction in our marriage.

              King bed Answered 6 days ago.
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                She won’t take time to throw things away. As a result, over time drawers, closets, the pantry, bookshelves, etc get packed and you can’t find what you really need because of all the stuff you don’t.

                California King Answered 4 days ago.
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