Does anyone suffers from fantasies.
I just wonder if anyone else suffers from sexual fantasies. Normally I keep a strong bridle on my thought life but sometimes when DW is out I will go for a long walk and I can get these powerful sexual fantasies that are so real to the point of even smelling the perfume of a fantasy woman. The thing is this time I had been very busy in spiritual work, door to door, evangelism on the street and this morning a nearly three hour intercession p meeting. I thought I needed a break to unwind but with that I often get a sexual fantasy. I usually resist them but sometimes they are so powerful and know my weaknesses inside out. I don’t watch porn and things like that. I was really enjoying unwinding and now this.
@Raymond, The Fantasy Fallacy is a book that has helped with this. Here’s some of the description of the book, you can read more at the link:
“Many are looking to sexual and emotional fantasies as avenues to fulfillment.
Our fantasies, however, are not reliable guides into the future―they are actually rocky road maps from our past. Best-selling author Shannon Ethridge theorizes, “Fantasies are simply the brain’s way of trying to heal itself from unresolved tragedies and traumas. We mentally compartmentalize our pain to make room for pleasure.”
Fantasies have deep psychological roots, and if acted on many of them can do deep psychological damage. Rather than let fantasies rule us, let’s take out the sting and bring them under God’s rule, allowing the Lord to heal us from the brokenness and insecurities that cause inappropriate fantasies to haunt us.”
I absolutely believe that if you seek the Lord, the Spirit will be faithful to reveal what’s going on, and He will give you the guidance, the strength and the empowerment to overcome it.
From my time around TMB, I have noticed that many fantasies are rooted in a need to feel worthy, wanted, desired, chosen and/or known. For example, forced fantasies can be about wanting to be seen, chosen and desired.
I have. My fantasies used to make me feel quite deviant and shameful. The thing that freed me from that, was digging and finding the root behind it. If we can understand what our true underlying need is, we can address that, and the fantasies lose their power.
I have used this metaphor before…. trying to rid the yard of the weeds by picking the dandelion flower, may make it look greener for the moment, but we all know it didn’t take care of the weed, and it will be back with 10 of its friends. Dig it up by the root.
If it’s your own wife, that’s fine. Enjoy. Maybe try to reenact later if appropriate. If it’s someone else, that’s not good. Can you direct your fantasy to be about your wife and think about that? If it helps, remember her when you first married her at the best you’ve ever seen her.
Smelling perfume in a fantasy? That real? That sounds almost like a vision, not a fantasy. I can’t imagine pictures that real. Even my dreams don’t usually look that real. They might get up to the level of moving Renaissance paintings.
It is not really about my wife. It is about something which will never happen. Something I can imagine that could have happened in my childhood but didn’t. I am happily married but sometimes these fantasies just happen even though they are illogical.
Well as said above, sexual fantasies with your wife are supposed to be ok.
Sexual fantasies with other women is not ok. When I had my other job, I often had specific attractive women from accounts I worked in daily and yet I always tried to keep my thoughts strictly business. I know that they were drawn to me because they felt that I was a successful, mature, and masculine man from what they saw. I know that for some of them I could have met privately with them but I had told them too much about my wife and kids so any fantasy I could think up had to include an explanation to them IF I was to meet up with them.
The gym has several attractive women all the time. However, get real. I’m an old man…well…a fit old man.
I used to get that especially in swimming pools in the showers which were mixed. One girl exposed herself to me where I was shaken and tempted and even flattered but nothing further. I had to pray a lot to get rid of that incident in my mind and remember that I was happily married. I go to another pool now where the showers are mixed but open on the side of the pool. The other had curtains on it in a passage. I am an old man as well but very fit and luckily girls don’t look at me so much although I had one on the bus recently who sat in front of me with a bare midriff and kept turning around looking into my eyes. I looked back into her eyes questionally asking what is going on where she looked away for a time. Vary flattering again. Luckily my stop came up and I virtually fled. I am very careful now as purity is very important. The way a man usually falls is through the three G’s. Gold, Glory and Girls.