When my wife and I begin foreplay (caressing, touch, kissing) I easily become erect. However, that lasts only about a minute unless there is continued direct stimulation. As soon as I become flaccid I will stay that way for the remainder of foreplay and even pleasuring my wife even if she is caressing me or begins to directly stimulate me again.
When it’s time for PIV, I manually rub my penis against my wife’s vulva for about a minute and become erect again. I rarely have any problem staying erect or having an O during PIV.
Is this ED? Is this common?
honestly, it’s fairly common for men to lose and regain their erections throughout foreplay and even intercourse, depending on various factors. I’ve had it happen to me. ED would be a situation where it was extremely difficult or impossible to get an erection even with stimulation, or requiring a lot of continued and focused stimulation to get/maintain an erection at all. Does that make sense?
Age may be a factor. I don’t think this was an issue for me in my 20’s, but after going through over half a decade of very little foreplay, I found this problem had surfaced once we resumed longer foreplays and I was in my mid-30’s.
Do you watch porn? I also had this issue when I was struggling with porn and my sexual energy wasn’t fully focused on my wife.
Also, a condom makes this worse for me. Even if I haven’t put it on yet, just knowing it’s coming fills with me dread. As OWM said, thinking about it makes it worse.
DW commented a few times on my “not being interested” because of the issue, but I think she’s learned that’s just how things are now. I could easily keep the erection with some hand stroking, but I’d prefer for her to use her hand to get things revved immediately before PIV. Your mileage may vary.
Sounds similar to me. I’m hard right away but it’s lost long before DW is ready. I thought I’m my case it might be more than just getting older. When the same routine is followed and I’m limited in what DW will allow, I overthink things and perceive it as rejection / feeling unloved. When I avoid these thoughts and just enjoy the situation it goes much better. At times when I have these negative feelings I’m so flaccid it takes a lot to get an erection back. If I find that DW isn’t enjoying it very much, even after penetration it can be difficult to keep an erection. If she is clearly enjoying it, whole different story.
I’m over 50 and need stimulation & foreplay to continue and develop. We usually start there and move to stimulation of her (which still turns me on) while she may or may not continue with me since it turns her on when I get going. Some times I can’t finish but it’s usually after we’ve already done it in the previous 6-12 hrs, but other times, it just takes more stimulation or she suggests we come back and finish me later. She is always very kind and supportive, even when I don’t come.
As others have suggested, there are many factors that CAN impact a man’s response so it’s important to also keep that in perspective.
This all sounds familiar to me,also, PR. When beginning foreplay I usually become erect, but I don’t last long without direct stimulation, and usually need some direct stimulation, lately in the form of MS either from me or her, before PIV can happen.
Occasionally I am not able to finish because I get too soft. On these occasions I get her over the top with MS. She does not offer me an orgasm other than PIV, and if I can’t continue then were are finished for the session.
I would like to try and finish o these occasions with MS or OS, but that’s not on the menu now, for some reason.
Oh boy, this is me to a “t”!!! I talked with my Doc about this and he gave me a script for Viagra. The first 3 pills were free and yes, this did resolve the issue…but….I had no idea that these little blue pills were $25 each U.S. and is not covered under any medical insurance plan!!! Needless to say, I never filled that script for Viagra as I just couldn’t afford it. So….DW and I deal with things as best we can and we hope for the best overall.
I just wish that DW would become more actively involved in our sexual encounters but I truly don’t think she knows how and is far too shy or doesn’t think it’s necessary to learn more about being an active sex partner for me. I asked her one time to wear a tank-top t-shirt of mine with nothing else on and she said no because what would that do for her or for me..especially when you can see a nude body and not a nude body inside a skinny tank t-shirt.
Anyway, I know what you’re saying and I feel your pain and thoughts as they seem much like mine and I just wish I had erections like I had when I was in my 30’s. 🙂
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