Encouragement from a Struggling Husband

    Life has been quite difficult lately.  The last year, and especially the last 6-8 weeks have been the most difficult in our lives. Added stress increases my desire for comfort and sex from my lovely bride, but drops it to the bottom of her list.  Not surprising, our marital conflict increases.

    I feel like every major area in life needs a significant overhaul.  I’ve never been this empty or felt so broken before.  

    Yet in the midst of the storm, as I’m tossed by the waves, I have been holding on to what I know is good and right and true. It has kept me grounded.  It has kept the lies of the enemy from taking over. It has kept my heart pointed towards the Light at the end of the tunnel.  It has kept me afloat.

    If you are struggling this season, I encourage you to remind yourself what is true so that the enemy can not get a foothold to convince you to walk away from Truth Himself.



    Here is my list:


    God is good (1 Chron 16:34)

    He is genuinely good.  Everything he lets happen is for my good and his glory. I can rest in that.


    Jesus calls me to serve my family (Mark 10:45, Gal 5:13)

    I give up my sadness.  I work through my emotional exhaustion to serve them.


    Jesus calls me to make my wife holy (Eph 5:25-26)

    Jesus gave himself for me. So I give myself for her.  If there is sacrifice to be made – I’m the one to make it. Period.  If there is sex to be given up, I give it up. Period.  That will lead to my joy even when its a difficult sacrifice to make.   Until she’s ready to change, I sacrifice for her.  And when I sacrifice for someone I love, I am being made more and more into the image and character of Christ.  And that is WAY more valuable than sex! 


    God will strengthen me to do what he calls me to do (2 Cor 12:9, Phil 4:12-13, Heb 4:16)

    If it’s God’s will for me to do something, he will give me the strength to do it.  It may be hard, but he’ll be with me!


    Jesus was fully human, fully masculine, and totally fulfilled, yet never had sex.

    Therefore, I don’t need sex to be a man or to be fulfilled or feel loved.  Christ IS enough.


    Jesus never gave into sexual temptation (1 Cor 10:13)

    I am able to resist sexual temptation even when I am struggling.


    My sexual desires do not define me (Col 3)

    I am a child of Christ. THAT is my identity. Not husband. Or dad. Or lover. I am loved by the King. THAT is who I am. The lies that my desires and passions define me is a LIE. 


    I can have joy and comfort and strength outside of sex (Psalm 16:11)

    My wife is not my main source of comfort. Christ is. He is my satisfaction.


    Christ will get us through this (2Tim 2:13)

    He is faithful.  He will not let us go. He wants my marriage to thrive.  He will walk with us through the valley of the shadow of death because he is WITH US! 


    As we align our hearts and attitudes and actions with Christ, our suffering will decrease  (John 10:10)

    The more we root out the sinful thoughts and attitudes and actions, the more free for joy we will be!


    Conflict is a part of the path to healing (Matt 18:15-17

    Conflict is not failure.  Giving up and walking away is failure.  Fighting to figure out what’s wrong is part of the struggle and its part of the answer.  Embrace the struggle as a way to find joy in peace and resolution.  Show grace and kindness and love and patience. 



    This is not the full list. And it could certainly be cleaned up. But I just wanted to share it quickly.  It has helped me tremendously and I hope it helps you.  As I have spent hours and hours just reading scripture lately, he has begun to heal me and reorient my heart back to Him.  

    Be encouraged beloved. He is with you in your struggle.

    Remember, Christmas is about Emmanuel. God is with us. 

    uh, no. Christ replacing sex? really? you just have a low sex drive.  I’ve been a Christian a long time. Prayer and bible quotes do not replace basic human needs of food, sex and companionship. The bible is not meant to replace anything other than a pagan lifestyle. The application of bible quotes should be relevant to the situation. Jesus himself did not intend you to hit your spouse over the head to get what you want. AND He did not intend you to replace basic human sexuality with cute bible quotes to allow the spouse to get away with sexual refusal when perfectly healthy.

    If you have low sex drive and tend to get many things done because your mind is focused on non sexual things….good for you.

    BUT, some of us are unable to accurately think and concentrate on daily tasks when the sexual element and need keep popping up.

    on March 24, 2020.
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    9 Answer(s)

      Thank you for sharing with us out of your pain and disappointment. Your courage and fortitude are a blessing. Better days are coming for you!

      Under the stars Answered on December 25, 2019.
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        I could have written this last spring! Let me add one more: God’s working out his plan and purposes for His glory (Romans 8:28). Often we can’t see what the end result will be, but He knows the good he has planned, and how it will bless us. You’re right to draw near to God, and I pray that he will draw near to you, my brother.

        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on December 26, 2019.
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          This is the epitome of “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…..For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

          It’s a great encouragement.

          Under the stars Answered on December 24, 2019.
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            This is beautiful. Thank you.

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on December 24, 2019.
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              Thank you peach.

              Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on December 25, 2019.
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                Thanks for keeping your and our eyes on the hope, peace, love, and joy we have in Jesus. May the Lord bless you and your marriage in 2020.

                Under the stars Answered on December 25, 2019.
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                  Praying for you brother!

                  On the floor Answered on December 25, 2019.
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                    Thanks for sharing this.

                    Queen bed Answered on December 27, 2019.
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                      What a testimony, to speak such trust and faith from within your suffering! Thank you for sharing, and may God bless you in the new year.

                      Under the stars Answered on December 29, 2019.
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