Engaged Daughter. Favorite Resources?


    Trying to figure out the category system here, bear with me.

    Our daughter’s engaged to a great guy, getting married this summer. What are you best suggestions for books or other resources for conservative singles? These kids have not even kissed. Is there a book that even suggests that hitting a home run on the wedding night is not an absolute necessity if they have never even touched each other? Of course they may want to do that, anyway, but I want them to know that they don’t have anyone’s expectations to live up to but their own.

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      It’s been a while since I’ve read it, but Sheet Music is a good book and has chapters for engaged couples. Leman is sweet and funny and a good family and marriage counselor. He’s Christian and his advice is always kind and reasonable. He recommends that engaged couples read chapters 1-4 and the “For Men Only” and “For Women Only” chapters and leave the rest for when they’re married.

      Hammock Answered on April 6, 2019.
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        A Celebration of Sex by Douglas Rosenau was a good resource for DW and I. I have also heard good things about Sheet Music and Act of Marriage.

        As a general comment I would suggest that the married couple-to-be get more comfortable with non-sexual physical contact.  Things like holding hands, hugs etc. Not even touching each other is a pretty stiff boundary and can lead to some uncomfortable issues once the I do’s have been made. If that is what their conviction is that’s fine but they will have a harder road to establishing marital intimacy.

        On the floor Answered on April 6, 2019.

        I totally agree on the little bit of touching thing. I would encourage couples to talk it through and agree to a few simple things that allow you to touch (like holding hands, sitting next to each other with an arm around her shoulders, etc.), but that don’t push you over the line into sex.

        I’ve talked to folks who did no touching or kissing and they typically had a tough transition to being intimate and sexual after marriage.

        Draw a line and stick to it.

        on April 10, 2019.
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          Thank you. I tried to post a comment a few days ago and it wasn’t accepted for some reason.  Correction, they haven’t kissed or held hands, but they have definitely touched. They get pretty snuggly when sharing the couch. I don’t think these two will have any trouble establishing marital intimacy, in fact I think they are both much looking forward to it.  They set their own limit to avoid carrying baggage into their marriage, and as a parent who screwed that up, I’m glad for it. Thanks, both of you, for the recommendations. I appreciate your taking the time to respond.

          Twin bed Answered on April 13, 2019.
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            My wife and I read Married for God by Christopher Ash as part of our marriage prep and found it very helpful.

            We also found Intended for Pleasure by Wheat and Wheat helpful. Personally, I wasn’t such a fan of Sheet Music, but that’s more a matter of personal taste than having any fundamental disagreement with what he says.

            Hopefully their pastor will recommend some helpful resources and put them in touch with an older couple to give them guidance. Ours did and it was really helpful.

            On the floor Answered on April 14, 2019.
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              Thank you, David. I’ll look into those.

              Twin bed Answered on April 14, 2019.
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                Our daughter was married just a few weeks ago . We bought her and her fiancé “A Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds.” It has a good mix of information and instruction with a few tasteful pictures. We combined that with many open and candid conversations with both of them a few weeks prior to the wedding. They were both virgins but had kissed and held hands prior to marriage. They shared with us that their boundary was “no touching below the collar bone. We tried our best to make sure they went into their honeymoon with very realistic expectations.

                Twin bed Answered on June 3, 2019.
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                  I have read  and would recommend “For Men Only” and “For Women Only” by Feldhahn.


                  Under the stars Answered on June 3, 2019.
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