Felatus interruptus

    Felatus interruptus:  redneck greek for stopping oral stimulation at or before the point of no return and completing the job by hand  🙂

    For those that do not know, it has been firmly established in my marriage that no spunk will get on the DW outside her vagina – if at all avoidable. I guess I’ve grown to tolerate that, though it was difficult in the OS realm. I once read many years ago about a fella who was struggling with this issue so the next time he was performing OS on his partner, he took her to the edge orally then immediately transitioned to manual stimulation only, kept that up until she finally orgasmed.  She groused a little about it, he said that was what she did to him. She made the connection on her own. According to the story, he never had to endure felatus interruptus again.

    I experienced the down side of this last night, again. Long day, lot of stress. We have been working thru general sexual struggles as of late anyway. I’m laying there in the buff, cooling after a hot shower. It’s one of those “understood” nights anyway. She comes and lays beside me topless and snuggles up. Not so bad so far. She asks exactly what we have discussed when she finds herself wanting to do as the last “quickie” post relates. She just asked me “So, how you feeling?” The rest was unsaid and understood. I related how my mind was full of distractions and stress. She eventually asked if she could help with that. What a girl huh!? I told her I felt like I wanted it, maybe even needed it, but my mind would not shut down. However I was willing to let her try. So she did. What a girl! What I did not know was she was just going to give me felatio. I thought she was preparing me for PIV. After a while it became obvious she had other thoughts. I certainly didn’t mind and set about relaxing into the idea. It was going quite well. She is talented when her mind’s right. In a few minutes I was very close to the PONR with a particularly nice method she was employing when she suddenly stopped it and transitioned to a somewhat harsh handjob. It was lubricated for the first few seconds, but that changed in about 15 seconds. Then at about 30 seconds she stopped altogether saying her arm was too tired to continue. I was about to lose my erection anyway. I wanted to say “If you had kept up what you were doing, you’d’ve been done 35 seconds ago!  She rolled over and said “you’re just gonna have to finish in me.” My first thought was “well, I hope I can….”   I was able to, but I couldn’t help but feel a little bit robbed. Not that the PIV wasn’t good – obviously it got the job done. But that is how it always is with OS.  I never said a thing other than a thank you with a kiss when she came back to bed.

    I am very hesitant to even write this down lest it sound like complaining about a partial BJ when there are those who don’t get any. And I have never said anything negative to her about it. She made it quite clear very early on and has MANY times since, that she would not allow me to finish in her mouth or on it, and I had better not do that or she would be very angry. I have hinted at it a few times and am always met with strong resistence.  I got bold and tested that water once many years ago – it was not a peaceful trip. For many years she would allow me to let her know with a head tap or a “now” or some indication, and then she would move away. But I think I let her get too close a few times over the years so she just doesn’t let me get that close anymore before she transitions. And no, other than that one instance many years ago, I have always told her. And yes, I am grateful she will do that at all, and tell her so every time.

    Of course on the flip side, I never do similar to her, regardless of what’s going on down there. I fight through it and give her the gold medal. I have thought about a last second abort to make the opening point a few times but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I enjoy pleasing her too much. I figure “do unto others”, though it has never paid dividends.

    I don’t know if I even have a question here. I wish this was different. I have no hope for it to change, ever. I don’t want to give up OS completely because of it. I’m not angry, just grousing myself I guess….  Sorry y’all…

     

    On the floor Asked on June 5, 2020 in Oral Sex.
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      Would you want to swallow a couple of spoons full of a man’s semen?  That’s a pretty disgusting thought, IMO.  Some men may not mind swallowing an equal amount of fluid from a woman’s urethra, but to some of us, that is gross.  And urine or female ejaculate probably does not contain millions of living cells swimming around.  It is hard for me to think of finishing in the mouth as something a husband should really expect his wife to do if she finds it unpleasant.

      It’s like of like anal licking withour a dental dam.  If he/she wants to do that without and he/she likes it, then it’s a health issue, maybe, but otherwise,  that’s nice for him/her.  But does a spouse have a right to demand that or complain about not geting it?

      A lot of sex is psychological, and I would not have been thrilled with my wife rolling over and saying I guess you will have to finish off inside me in a scenario like that.  It would have been more fun if she’d say something sexy, climb on top, and get to work.  But women need warm up and I am not sure if getting her husband to the PONR is enough to get her  ready for action.

      I remember reading in the Extended Sexual Orgasm that a lot of men may not even realize if their wives switch from blow job to hand job with a well-lubed-hand if her husband is in a high state of arousal.  I’d imagine she’d have to be skilled.  Maybe your wife needs to learn to develop some hand job skills, strengthen her arms a bit, and know how to position herself so as not to wear her arm out…or maybe work out certain arm muscies.

      Hammock Answered on June 7, 2020.
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        LBD it seems to me that you and your wife are obviously in a clash of wills all of the time and it also seems to me that you are rarely satisfied even though you are constantly giving your wife kudos. That’s fine… but…

        Regarding fellatio to finish…i completely understand why men would want that, that is why i allow my husband to do that even though i honestly do not like it and brace myself when it is coming although i would never let him know that and he has many times told me that i “don’t have to ” do that. But i am completely free to take that off the table. Frankly it is a lot to take ejaculate into one’s mouth, i don’t know if it compares to OS on a woman but it is a lot.  And to have you even entertain the thought of Tit for Tat is disturbing.  Sex and one flesh should never be like that.  There may come a point where you are going to have to accept what your wife is offering you and let go of expectations.  Maybe then some of what you want will happen or maybe it never will.

        I completely understand the quandary of LD and HD, believe me. I don’t know if there really ever is an answer but i do know the default answer (IF it isn’t outright refusal, disobedience, etc.) is grace and love. Even if your explicit sexual needs don’t get met.  I just get this undercurrent from you of almost complete dissatisfaction for your wife, if i discern it i can imagine how she feels.

        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on June 5, 2020.
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          LBD, i don’t have issue at all with you airing your thoughts, this forum has plenty of that and should be a safe place to do so and i’ve done it also, but you should be prepared for responses.

          As for my response, i apologize and regret that i personally “attacked” you and said what i said (about clash of wills and your constant dissatisfaction, etc. although i perceive you that way, i do apologize for that).

          As far as “Tit for Tat”, you were the one that brought it up and quoted the guy that did the tit for tat on his wife/gf and you must have had a reason to bring it up, otherwise why would you and to me it translated it was something maybe you entertained at least in your mind, doing to your wife.

          As far as the ladies weighing in, we are giving our POV and being honest about it. In a perfect world, should a wife give her husband OS to completion? Yes. And be enthusiastic about it? Yes. And a husband not being resentful if she doesn’t? Yes.  But i do think a lot of women (maybe majority but i don’t know) find it disasteful, at least the finish.  It is a very good thing if they overcome it as i have BUT if my husband were to express any displeasure or resentment that i stop before getting him there, it is understandable but from a FEMALE point of view, it would set us back even further.

          As hard as it is and as probably unfair as it is, we sometimes just have to let things go, especially the inner resentment.

          One thing i would say is i wish your wife would be a bit more respectful in her attitude toward you in TMB.  She could have said, honey, even though i really want finishing in my mouth OFF the table (and your attitude twoard it lovingly off the table), i am sorry it wasn’t a great experience for you this time, how can i make it better?  But again, sadly, you cannot change someone, only present your case as best you can and accept the response.

          Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on June 5, 2020.
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            Try expressing your gratitude for what she did do without critique or criticism. This is something I’m working on with my DW; I have learned that some of the ways I expressed what I wanted of her actually made her think she wasn’t good enough, which then discouraged her from doing more.

            Queen bed Answered on June 5, 2020.

            Don’t worry – I learned that LOOONG ago 🙂  Good advice though

            on June 5, 2020.
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              As one of those men that have never received OS in 25 years of marriage, I have realized that if I can’t be content with our sexual encounters now, I also wouldn’t be if we added some of the things I would only dream of. Oh, maybe I would be happy for a short time, but eventually I would be once again thinking about what I’m missing instead of enjoying the one I love most. My mind can go there at times but I know it’s wrong thinking.

              Fell out of ... Answered on June 5, 2020.
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                I don’t know that this has much to do with all you shared, but it interests me for a dynamic in my marriage.

                Did you communicate you were close to the PONR?   Did she know you were within seconds of hitting that point, or could she have been thinking this could go on for [some very long] minutes?    Sexually speaking, I never feel more inadequate and like a failure than when my husband seems to be taking too long, or isn’t hitting that PONR, when I went out of my way for a “special treat”.  Communication from him would help a LOT during it.  I have no clue what your wife was thinking or feeling, but as I read your account, it flashed me back to our own similar encounters, and very much remember what I thought and felt. ….. I even wrote a question about it 😉

                For me personally, the tactic you are mentioning, wouldn’t send the kind of message you are wanting to send.  It would be comparing “apples to oranges” for me.

                Under the stars Answered on June 5, 2020.

                I do and did try to be expressive so she knows she’s doing well. Often with direct encouragement – “that’s it….Oh baby…” etc.

                I agree, she would not connect the dots either.

                on June 5, 2020.
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                  As women, I’m also going to encourage you to let this one be.  I just don’t think men understand how hard it is to have your husband come in your mouth.  I also do it for my husband, and I’ll never say this to him, but it isn’t pleasant.  Like SongOfAngels, I have to brace myself.  It’s a bit of grit your teeth and get through it.  If you push for finishing in her mouth, I think you will get the opposite, with increasing negative feelings about giving you OS.  I would work on mentally changing your position to one of gratitude for what your wife is willing to do.  The more positive you keep poring into it, the more positive associations she will have with it.  In time she may get to where she changes about it, but that is going to be her process and you cannot force it.

                  Additionally, OS often has negative connotations for women.  The girls who gave OS in high school were gossiped about as being total sluts, actually more so than girls having intercourse.  Many women are pressured in teenage and young adult relationships to give OS as well, and the whole thing can began to feel like this pressured manipulation.  For many women, it is a process in the MB to slowly let go of that narrative and learn to experience OS differently and see it differently.  I know that was my process, to learn to see it as an act of love rather than just being used.  And even with making that switch mentally, the act of giving OS is physically challenging, takes a lot out of a women, and the finish is usually just unpleasant.  I’m being blunt because I’m trying to give light into the female perspective.  You can’t have tit for tat here, as even if a women squirts, it is nowhere near the volume or the consistency of a man’s ejaculate.

                  I can still remember a work situation from my early 20’s.  I walked into a room and 2 coworkers were talking.  The women said ” sticky, salty snot ” and I just burst out laughing, because I knew immediately what she was talking about.

                  On the floor Answered on June 5, 2020.
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                    Your wife sounds exactly like mine, she doesn’t want semen anywhere on her except her vagina. My wife doesn’t give much oral, but when she does, she always stops before I finish and tells me I have to finish myself. Her arms hurt and she doesn’t want semen on her hand. Married 30 years and it always been like that. I have tried to get her to change, but it isn’t happening.

                    On the floor Answered on June 6, 2020.
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                      We have always used flavored condoms for OS. The condom does reduce sensation but it also allows me to finish in her mouth without the mess.

                      On the floor Answered on June 6, 2020.
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                        Ladies… It was discussed elsewhere in this forum how one of it’s unique attributes is the opportunity to “air” thoughts or rangle with conflict, or even wrestle with angels if you will, over things you would never hold a loved one to. There is nothing to “let go.” I let that go over two decades ago. “Tit for tat?”….maybe it was missed that I could never bring myself to do that, or even mention it. My DW is not one of those who wrestle with past indiscretions. I am. I appreciate your concern for her. I’m just a fool enough to write some honest thoughts I guess.  That’s all I’m gonna say about it. Sorry if I triggered anyone.

                         

                        On the floor Answered on June 5, 2020.

                        If I didn’t make it clear, your thoughts made me examine my own experience and relationship. I find that beneficial on here. But, I know what it’s like to just want to have an open discussion and others want to twist it and make it a personal thing 😉 … it’s frustrating, eh?

                        on June 5, 2020.

                        Indeed.
                        And I took your response as you intended.

                        on June 6, 2020.

                        Yes, this is absolutely a place to air our thoughts.  We often come here because our thinking is snagged on something and we want a chance to air it out, get different perspectives, and perhaps change our thinking before we go back to our spouse.   I believe you have let it go in regards to your interactions with your wife, but it is still something snagged in your thinking, which is why you created this post.  We females brought a female perspective to your post.  I didn’t think you a bad person because this something you groused about it.  However, I am finding your response back kind of harsh. 

                        on June 6, 2020.
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