Fisting and limitations

    First post…. I’ve been reading on here the last couple of days and learned a lot of useful tips for improving our marriage bed.

    I thought of something I could use advice on, and this seemed like a good place to ask!

    My husband and I have tried/done fisting several times over the last year or two.  That is, where he tried to insert his whole hand into my vagina.

    We’ve definitely progressed since we started, but we always get to the point where his fingers are in, but it’s right before those last knuckles, and I need him to stop. I just panic.

    We’ve always made sure I’m very turned on – plenty of coconut oil, plenty of natural lube, very relaxed and into it, I’m enjoying it, etc. But when we get to that point, I can’t go any further.

    I think deep down I fear or feel like his fist/hand just won’t fit in there. And I worry about him injuring my cervix or something.

    So I dunno if it’s just a psychological block…

    Ladies, you know when you get to that point in childbirth – transition – where your cervix has to dilate from 9 to 10 cm and you get a wave of panic and feel like, “I can’t do this!”???
    Well, that’s how I feel when we get to that point!

    I’d love to hear comments from people who have engaged in this act – how did you find it? Did you get stuck at this point too?
    Is it a legitimate fear that if I just let him “go for it” there could be physical damage? Is it possible that a hand *can’t* fit in there?

    Please share any helpful advice!

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    6 Answer(s)

      What is the point of overcoming this barrier?  Why should getting a whole fist in be a goal for you?  Why the performance mindset?  I can understand a woman with vaginismus wanting to cross the bridge of having full-on intercourse.  That’s something you need to be able to do for years to come.  But is there any good reason to accomplish a completed act of fisting?   Why not having him just do what feels good without having to get a whole fist in there?

      A fist is usually smaller than a baby’s head, depending on the fist and the baby, but a woman’s body goes through a lot of hormonal changes in order to prepare for childbirth, not just an hour of foreplay and sexual activity.  We are talking nine months of changes.  My wife’s kind of loosened up down there during one pregnancy, which made intercourse a little less exciting for us.  I did some research on it (and got castigated on the old forum once for asking on TMB about it) and found out there are hormones that can loosen things up down there.  You don’t get all that from foreplay and sex.

      I don’t know if it works that way, but I wonder if stretching that much could keep it from returning to it’s normal tightness after a while, which could cause other problems for the husband and the wife.  While it might be fun and it might feel good, if you set a goal that causes any kind of pain or even panic, that might be a sign not to go any further.

      Queen bed Answered on October 11, 2019.
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        I think SC has given you great advice.

        I would want you to reduce the pressure you are putting on yourself. This isn’t for everyone. And if the only success is to get the whole hand in all the way, most people will fail. So, talk with your DH about your willingness to try but also make your fears and concerns known to him.  And then celebrate what you can do!

        Also, you might try a dilator or something else to help you stretch and work up to the size of his hand.

        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on October 8, 2019.
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          Logically, a hand is smaller than a baby’s head and shoulders, and it passes through also, just the other direction. So a fist ought to be able to fit just fine, with proper preparation.

          That said, if your husband isn’t careful, he could probably tear the opening, but again, I know there are techniques used while giving birth that one can do, to help prevent that from happening.

          With your fear of damaging your cervix, I can’t even imagine that happening unless your husband starts getting rough with his movements. Again logically, I would think the average man’s fist, measures shorter than an average penis, so he may not even touch the cervix, unless trying.

          I would think you would be able to tell when something is not right, first there would be pain. It sounds like you ultimately have control to stop things from going further, remember that power you have to get you past your fear.

          If you both have a desire to get the full fist in. I think it will take conditioning and practice. We have done “let’s see how much of the hand we can get in.” So I understand why the knuckles cause an issue. We have never gone all the way. He has gotten past the knuckes, but only by getting his thumb out of the way.

          One tip I can think of is he could wear a surgical glove, if he doesn’t. That will soften areas that might be rough. It will protect you from his nails scratching any parts. And, it may make the lube do a better job because his skin isn’t soaking up the moisture.

          Under the stars Answered on October 8, 2019.
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            Re: Seeking Change

            Yeah, so I think part of the problem is that when he’s at that point, his fingers are fully extended and kind of pointed – this makes the width narrower, but it does make his hand longer than if it was balled up in a fist.
            And he can feel my cervix at that point, he has mentioned it and I can feel him touching it.
            I think in PIV, the penis must go above or under the cervix, because it’s certainly long enough to reach.

            The stretching aspect is what brings the most pleasure, so it’s not that I’m worried about him tearing the opening. There is enough lube and I’m relaxed enough that I’m sure he could go in fully without tearing.

            The problem is that to go in fully, he would need to kind of “shove” it – you can’t get past those knuckles slowly.  But I worry that if he does shove his hand in, that suddenly there won’t be enough room and he will damage my cervix or something.

            I’m just wondering if there’s actually enough room for a full hand down to the wrist in there!

            How did you get his thumb out of the way? Do you mean he didn’t put his thumb in too?

            Cot Answered on October 8, 2019.
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              Re: one woman man

              Thanks for that encouragement! It’s a great point that we don’t have to consider “success” only getting his hand all the way in.
              What we do acheive is fantastic in terms of pleasure and mutual enjoyment, so maybe we should just focus on that.

              Cot Answered on October 8, 2019.
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                “How did you get his thumb out of the way? Do you mean he didn’t put his thumb in too?”

                Correct, he would pull his thumb out of the fist or the equation, which left the fingers knuckles to pass. Or he would have his thumb in the point with the rest of the fingers, and we would halt at the knuckles as with your case.

                Under the stars Answered on October 9, 2019.
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