Friday, January 17, 2020: Today’s Question(s) of the Day

Answered

    Have you ever read other couple’s experiences on The Marriage Bed and honestly have been jealous or desire to have what they have (secretly coveting)? 

    If so, why? 

    One example, a couple loves oral sex together however in your marriage bed, oral sex is shunned, given only once a year, or on special occasions? Or you are the only one who gives and your spouse does not. This is just one of many examples.

    If you use to feel this way, how did God help you through it?

    Blanket on a secluded beach! Asked on January 17, 2020 in Question of the Day.
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    13 Answer(s)

      Yes, and oral was part of it. I have never received it in 24 years of marriage. Once or twice prior to, but not in the marriage where it is free from sin guilt. There are other aspects that we are still working on.

      The difference for me is cherishing my bride and being thankful for what we do have, and improvements that I have seen as we have drawn closer to each other over the past year. It has been my prayer that I maintain an attitude where I consider my wife ahead of myself. When I keep this mindset, I stop comparing. Gary Thomas was talking about cherishing our spouse with an Adam and Eve mindset. She is the only woman in the world for me, so how can I compare her to anyone else?

      California King Answered on January 17, 2020.
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        Almost every time I read something on here.

        Double bed Answered on January 17, 2020.
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          Yes, when I first came to TMB, I was fairly shocked….and jealous.

          But, I am not one to stay at a standstill and I seriously began working on my part of our marriage. Even though it wasn’t so bad, I realized it could be a lot better!

          Sometimes, when the thought of jealousy, almost began to rear its ugly head, I realized that every single marriage, no matter how good it appears, has some area that could use some help. I also know how very good I/we have it. Marriages/people may appear on here and it all sounds good, but I pretty much rest assured in the fact that nobody, no matter how good it sounds, has the perfect life/marriage/ children. Mine, however good I feel about it in the moment, has had its rough spots and likely will again.

          And like someone once told me, she wanted to do everything perfect, and live life without a flaw, but than she realized its all the people who come across as perfect, that others don’t want to be around.

          Under the stars Answered on January 17, 2020.
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            Absolutely, all the time. More things then I can list. Connections, feeling loved, willingness to explore, hearing how wives are desired, husbands caring about the pleasure their wives receive or don’t receive.  And things such as the kisses and touching topics like were brought up today. Some times, many times really it is difficult to read the responses on here. So I know there are others like myself that hurt when they read things on here that they long for so badly.  I’m so happy to read about all the happy experiences on here, it gives me hope, but at the same time it’s hard knowing what I’m missing out on.
            I just recently read Dr. Lemans book Sheet Music and had to stop numerous times because it was hurtful to me. Reading about how men desire their wives, how normal and strong a desire that is for them. I haven’t experienced that. Considering things seem to be getting worse and not better I am doubtful I ever will.

            i have prayed for the Lord to decrease my desires. Although he hasn’t I have been working to shove the feelings aside and come to terms this is just another thing in life I’m meant to endure.

            King bed Answered on January 17, 2020.
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              I have desired what some seem to have, but I don’t know that it’s coveting.  Oldbears sexual relationship, as he speaks of it with his wife, at their age, is something I hope for when we are that same age. I believe they are a good example of being well balanced and of what a marriage should strive for.  Those who seem “too good to be true”, are easy for me to dismiss as “not real/true” or that “we don’t have the full picture.”  I actually appreciate and respect more those who are willing to share a balanced view of their marriage and struggles, the good and the bad.  When we only hear one side, all good or all bad, we can know we aren’t getting a true picture.

              I can think of one person from the past, that I had compared my husband to and wished he was more like that person, and I became more dissatisfied with my husband because of it.  It was more around having the same thinking and complementary personalities rather than the vast differences, that cause a lot of difficulties, my husband and I have. That might be coveting.

              There have been multiple women that I have looked at and have wished that I could have a similar desire they have, because that would sure make my husband and I’s situation much more fun and easier.  I get so tired of having an internal fight and struggle to keep sex a priority.

              Under the stars Answered on January 17, 2020.

              It’s too bad God doesn’t allow playground trades: let me give you a little of my desire in exchange for your DH to give mine a little of his. Nothing too crazy, just the equivalent of a Little Debbie cake in exchange for a couple Oreos. 😀

              on January 19, 2020.

              If only  it was so easy 😉

              on January 20, 2020.
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                Yes, there have been such times. Especially when I first came to TMB. But then I had a reality check to understand that they all have their challenges too. And, of course the grass only seems to be greener on the other side of the fence!

                Now, I am thankful for the good that I hear others enjoying and the progress they are making. It thrills me to read such things and I rejoice with them. I wish everyone here would be able, let’s say this year, share a story of how their marriage bed is now much closer to being what they wanted it to be. Is there an “amen” out there? 🙂

                Under the stars Answered on January 17, 2020.
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                  In our second decade of marriage, my career and success created demands on Mrs. Youngbear that created two stress points in our marriage. Without realizing it (we guys can be oblivious to the obvious) she began to chaff against the social and business expectations/obligations of my career. Because she is a confident, emotionally mature person she endured the frenetic pace until one day she said, ‘We need to talk.”  She stunned me when she said, “I know that I’m not the woman you want me to be and there are other women (she mentioned a couple of them) who would make you happy. I’m just not wired to be at formal and informal affairs always hobnobbing with your associates and friends.” (Stress point #1)

                  Her unvarnished admonition and admission woke me up. Indeed, I did harbor envying thoughts of other men whose wives relished the lime light. I also realized that such coveting could make me vulnerable to being discouraged and disappointed – a gateway to temptation. (Stress point #2)

                  Fortunately, her hurt healed and my heart softened by asking for forgiveness (me) and prayer and thankfulness (both of us). She is not a social butterfly; she is an elegant, warm beauty. There was a time when butterflies caught my attention. They flew away and the bird in my hand is the only one I want and need. Mrs. Oldbear is my sole/soul mate!

                  Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on January 17, 2020.
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                    Not really, the only “jealousy” which is actually more of an envy, is when i hear of multiple O’s from the wives and think that would be nice. But the vast majority of TMB has only greatly enhanced my marriage bed in every way. Too bad it wasn’t 15 years ago when H and i were both younger and more agile…

                    On the floor Answered on January 17, 2020.
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                      There are definitely sexual activities discussed here that I wish DW would add to our marriage bed. I handle this by first thanking God for my wife, and making sure I tell her as often as possible how much I love and appreciate all she does as a wife and mother. I also tell her the activities I would like to eventually incorporate in our marriage bed and ask that we work on something ‘new’ maybe once or twice a month. I am blessed that my DW has been open to changes, though things are going a bit more slowly than I prefer. I also remember that even if certain behaviors are still not part of our repertoire, the sex we do have has greatly improved over the time we have been intentionally working on improving our sex life.

                      On the floor Answered on January 18, 2020.
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                        Not jealous, but desired, yes. My wife will not have anything to do with oral sex, getting or giving and I feel like we have missed out on something really nice in our marriage. It leaves a hole in me.

                        And, some couples talk about having sex 2 or 3 times a week or more. Wow, our maximum ever was maybe 2 or 3 times a week and that wasn’t often. My wife would only tolerate sex about 3 times a month normally, maybe slightly more on occasions.

                         

                        Fell out of ... Answered on January 18, 2020.
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