Friday, January 31, 2020 – Today’s Question(s) of Day
We almost never use wot positions because there have been a couple of times that she literally looked bored to tears. I mean this is supposed to be this great position for women to help themselves toward an O and she looks like she can’t find any kind of groove to get in and is nearly yawning. Seriously, that bored looking. I think the second time that happened was when I finally accepted that she’s just not going to get there thru PIV. It was, and still is on occasion a blow to my confidence, and one of the biggest disappointments in our marriage.
How about the time that sex didn’t happen! A few months back we’d gone on a date and had a long (and positive) conversation about our sex life, with clear intentions to make love that night. Stuff came up with one of our kids the evening, and my wife could not get past it to be in the mood anymore. I totally understood, but was also very disappointed with the situation (not with my wife or daughter). Then it was a couple days before she was in the mood again—it was a long wait.
This is an easy one for me–multiple instances of having sex shortly after I viewed porn. So many things wrong with it, and I felt like I was using my DW, which I pretty much was.
Having a porn problem meant there were no good options–it was often harder to get aroused by DW alone so I viewed porn shortly before sex, but then there was no emotional connection for me, so the sex was bad.
When DW is not interested, or she tells me that I take too long, or if I want longer foreplay she tells me that I take too long,
A long time ago, She has said that sex is a chore, and that she would be happy if it did not have to happen.
Thankfully, things have gotten a little better
We tried it too soon after the birth of our daughter. It had been 4 weeks and we both were more than ready even though I had had an episiotomy and had been told to wait 6 weeks.
It turned out that I was only mentally ready. It hurt so much that I started crying. I kept saying it was fine, but having sex with a woman in tears killed his libido pretty quickly. It was very awkward.
The moral of the story is, listen to your doctor. (And we waited 8 weeks after our son was born even though we’d been told to wait 4 weeks. It was overkill, but neither of us was anxious to repeat that experience.)
The worst sex is the sex that doesn’t happen. The rain check that gets forgotten, or the response, “we can try” which really means “you’re going to have to remind me several times tonight” or “I’m going to stall going upstairs so maybe you’ll be too tired or forget”
The second-worst sex is the disengaged, bump-on-a-log participant.
There has been a few times when I knew she was so disconnected that I could not finish. Actually lose erection while inside because I could feel the lack of involvement and connection. Was it duty sex? Maybe. Some of it was in my own head. Those times have led to some serious discussions and some much better sex as of late.
When we first started. We were born virgins on our wedding day but didn’t have sex until almost a week after because he couldn’t enter me and I didn’t know what to do. We didn’t know where to put it or what to do. When it happened, we still didn’t know what to do. He came within a minute of entering me.