Had my first O but haven’t told my DH

    So a few weeks back, I had my first O.   I know I should be happy, but I’m not.   I got it when I was alone, and using a toy.

    I have secretly been using our toy,  after DH leaves for work.  Usually once a day, but sometimes twice.   I love playing with it, but when I actually had an orgasm, I was so shocked by the intense pleasure, I started to cry.  I became emotional.

    I feel like I have cheated on my husband.  I still use the toy and I O almost every time .  I think I am realizing what sex is supposed to feel like and what I have been missing out on.

    I need to tell my husband.  I want him to know I can orgasm.  But how do I do that without crushing his ego?

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      Thank you for all of the responses.   I should clarify.  It is a toy that he and I bought together.  He has used it on me, but I never O’ed from it then.  It is a rather large “realistic” vibrator.  It is about twice the size of my DH, and I really think my body is reacting to the length and thickness.  I’m worried that I am training my body to only enjoy something that size.  I even catch myself thinking of it when DH and I are making love.    I just don’t know what to do.

      Queen bed Answered on February 9, 2020.

      Okay, sounds like you’ve got a large vibrating dildo. You may reaching O by yourself because of the vibration, or because you can sense exactly how to move it, or even because of your imagination while using it. What I’m saying is, it may not be the size alone. No real penis vibrates. 🙂

      We’ve been married 20+ years and my wife has never come close to having an O thru PIV only. I’m average size. If we discovered thru playing with toys that size actually did it for her I’d be okay with it and try to occasionally incorporate them into our sex life. For example, me using a large penis sleeve or a large dildo on her sounds pretty hot. I do not think either one of us would want to use them all the time, however.

      on February 9, 2020.
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        The first thing to do is to be honest with your husband.

        He already knows that he has a small penis, and you bought the toy together with the intention of making it easier for you to orgasm, so he already knows that you’re having difficulty and clearly wants to do something about it.

        Given that you said you were going to stop using the toy, he’ll probably feel deceived. He might also disapprove of using the toy solo. However, if you’re honest and repentant, then he’ll likely forgive you.

        After that, it’s up to you and your husband what to do. Now that you know how to orgasm using a toy, you can incorporate it into your lovemaking. If you show him how, he can give you an orgasm using the toy before PiV, which may allow you to have a second orgasm while he’s inside you.

        Fell out of ... Answered on February 9, 2020.
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          I don’t think you will crush his ego, I just read the part about him being pretty small. I would think he would be happy that you have found a good way to orgasm with your toy. It is something you can use together. As the book title says, “She Comes First” is the rule in our house, then I get mine. I bet he would be happy with that!

          Fell out of ... Answered on February 10, 2020.

          Ditto in ours

          on February 10, 2020.
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            I realize I’m late to the party, but coming from a husband, this is what I would say:

            1.  If you feeling guilt, then yes, talk to your husband about it.  However, if my wife came to me with this, I would not be mad.  I would be turned on.
            2. If you are concerned about the toy being better than your husband for your own sexual satisfaction, then you may want to investigate other toys.  You can still use this one, but find something that works with your husband.
            3. You and your husband should probably spend more time together exploring your body.  He needs to learn how to get you to O.  You need to help him.  Not all women can O from PIV, but you seem to be able to, so find what it takes with your husband but do not be disappointed if you never can from him.  I highly suggest toys that focus on clitoral stimulation to help with this.
            4. Would you or your husband object to you using the toy on yourself as foreplay?  I have found watching my wife pleasure herself as a huge turn-on as a lead-in to sex (both with toys, and preferably without).


            Queen bed Answered on February 14, 2020.
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