Has your libido ever made you feel less in control and more selfish?

    Let me say that I have read and understood the words of the Shulamite wife of Solomon in Song 8:6 where she compares their love as the vehement flame of YHWH.   Was she not partly describing her own libido, her romantic desires, her longing for a closer walk with her husband?

    I have been through times when I have felt that my sexual desire was mere selfishness.  I have felt and even believed in those times that our blessed union would be better off without the powerful intensity of my libido.  There were times when I prayed for God to take it away to match hers.

    Has anyone else gone through this?  What did you conclude?   Maybe that is where you are at.

    As for me, I concluded that it is a lie to myself from the elements of this world to say that what God has given as a blessing could be anything but.

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    4 Answer(s)

      @Chelle, from what you share, it doesn’t sound like you are the selfish one. Communicating needs and desires isn’t selfish at all. What you seem to be facing now is a choice on how to respond to someone elses sinful (selfish) behavior, and that often requires us to deny our self and to pick up our cross. I know that God’s design for marriage wasn’t created so it would be a cross to bear, but too often it is that.

      Under the stars Answered on August 18, 2019.
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        I would agree that your high libido is a gift from God. You are to steward it. Not alone, but in harmony with your spouse.  If you do not live with your spouse in an understanding way it could easily become an impetuous for selfish living. But, similarly, if your spouse doesn’t live with you in an understanding and generous way, it could easily feel like it is a curse. And that wouldn’t be your fault. Nor God’s.

        Grace is needed by both spouses. For the one, to be willing to hold back when the spouse and/or situation aren’t conducive to more and the other to give grace by living out one’s satisfaction with less will be open to giving/receiving more.

        If we believe what we have comes from God as gifts of His grace and are also meant (in many cases) to gift or bless others (i.e. in marriage and in the context of the church community), we want to be sure that we do that in God-honoring ways. That would include not burying our talents.  At the same time, we need to be open to receiving various gifts from God through the people He has given them to, again, both in marriage and in the context of the church. Part of what it means to love someone, is to receive the love they are seeking to give us. But it would also be the loving thing not to force something on someone or to obligate them to do what they cannot freely do or want to receive.

        On the floor Answered on August 17, 2019.
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          Absolutely it has. Over the last year this has been a  struggle for me. I am high drive and my DH is low drive. We currently are intimate 2 to 3 times a month. After so many years of marriage I decided that it was ok for me to want more in our marriage bed. It was ok for me to voice that, it was ok to want to be satisfied. I have given my self  to him for 30 years with out asking for anything in return. I told myself  it was ok to want more sex and want satisfying sex (I just had my first O with my husband in the last  two months). Well it has caused me and my husband nothing but more pain. In the process of voicing all this to my husband, not much as changed. It has only caused him to know that I am unsatisfied and put more pressure on him. It took me this long to even voice desires to him. There has been no attempt to engage in any of them, frequency is not improving and he stated it wouldn’t. We just recently spoke about this and I realize that my selfishness in wanting has only caused us strife. I am learning how to tramp back all my wants like I used to. Bringing them to the surface and thinking things could be different was a misstep for me. I voiced to him that I needed to focus back on being more selfless like the past. With that I am praying my current level of selfishness will disappear and I can learn to be content with what I get. I also agree that I have longed to have little to no libido. Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so bad.

          Double bed Answered on August 18, 2019.
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            My immediate answer to the post title, is YES. I’ve mentioned it before, but my work schedule has often left us living apart – although the current situation is the hardest by far. When we’re apart, my wife rarely thinks about sex. She is a busy mom, with 3 teens and a quasi teen, and they’ve always kept her busy. Keeping her mind on kids, home, church, and friends has always helped the time pass better for her. I’m different. I am the same hornball from 1200 miles as I am in the same room. At times, I’ve harbored some pretty ill feelings about the drive differences, and it always makes me feel like the most selfish jerk.

            Double bed Answered on August 19, 2019.
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