Have you consensually restrained your partner during sex and, if so, how?
We’re exploring this dimension of our sexual relationship and interested in what you may have learned.
I’ve used restraints a few times on my husband and, much more frequently, I’ve been restrained. We have the simple “four-corners” restraints that we’ve used both face up and face down. We also have the ones where ankles and wrists are all connected together, again both face up and face down. And we have a spreader bar for that one too. The ones we have are quite comfortable with padded cuffs held on with velcro.
We use them several ways — for edging and for regular PIV sex. Here’s a helpful hint: Get side tie panties so that you can start with them on yet remove them without the need to undo the restraints.
I have not restrained him, but have been restrained. My husband had never even considered it (totally goes against his nature) until I mentioned it 5-6 years ago, and he was shocked. That meant we just used things from around the house…. rope, scarves, our kids’ toy handcuffs 😀
He did end up of purchasing some kind of restraint system. (He does the toy shopping, so I have no clue on what things are actually called.) It’s not what I have heard others talk about that goes under the bed, it’s what you can attach to the wrists and ankles or thighs and connect it all together. We have only used that once or twice, and I actually liked that it it held my legs in position (up and open) which allowed me to relax my muscles rather than have to work at holding the position.
But don’t underestimate the power of attitude and words. A husband willing to take control (dominate), with a wife willing to submit… a direction/command could be just as sexy, if not more so. Words (and attitude) can be enough to make her put her hands above her head and not bring them down, to spread her legs and not to move or close them, and can add a risk of “punishment” if not “obeyed”. And restraint of hands by his own, is pretty darn sexy as well.
I actually used some leftover “scarves” from several years’past VBS to tie DH down. o_O They were the right length, shape, and kind of silky and I had a bunch of them. It’s fun when I am in the right mood and when I feel like I can build up to it–anticipate, pull out all the stops, make an event of it. To really relax about it I feel like the bedroom needs to be picked up, the ever-present laundry baskets emptied, the sheets clean and my attire appropriately naughty. I also have to be feeling very confident, which is not my strong suit, and I don’t even mean sexually un-confident. If I burnt dinner or DD is being particularly teenager-y and making me feel like the worst mom ever, it’s hard to feel like a sexual dynamo who ties up my husband and has my way with him. Yeah I know I probably shouldn’t be that way…and yet I am.
The most important thing I am learning is that he wants it (to be tied up) way more (often) than a) I realized and b) I want it. It’s a work in progress.
Yes, we’ve used men’s ties and some soft, velcro bed restraints. I think it works and feels better with a blindfold when that sense isn’t available and one doesn’t know what’s coming. DW has to be in the mood (more hormonally turned on that it doesn’t take much to get her going than when it’s lower). We use them in sensually, not in a dominating way. It’s great for sensual massage and lingering touch, especially when blinded-folded.
I brought ties on our honeymoon to use as blindfolds and was able to also attach them to the wrists and headboard.
A tip from the old TMB board, by using velcro restraints or tying a little loosely, if, God-forbid, something were to happen to the unrestrained partner, the restrainee could get out with a bit of struggle to help the partner..
I’ve been both the restrainer and the restrainee. At various times, I’ve used ties, scarves and handcuffs on my wife. I believed she has used scarves on me. We used blindfolds on each other as, was mentioned above, not knowing what’s coming adds some fun to the mix. My wife has to be in the right mood for either role but I’m always up for it.
Once or twice, using pillowcases and bedsheets, as I recall.
These days, she’s not too keen on the idea of actually being restrained, but pretending to be restrained (example: this t-shirt gently tossed over her arms above her head is playing the role of a real restraint, except if she gets scared or worried or there’s footsteps, we can change it up real fast)
I’ll also add, have a plan and some props. Massage…oil (warm it up-CAREFULLY) or warming oil…fur or something soft…feather…whip cream…ice…spell something on her back or stomach with your finger….mints or menthol that’ll add a little heat to your kisses. (Wife commented one time about my toothpaste giving her sensations during oral when I brushed my teeth beforehand.)
We haven’t done this. DW has watched too many movies where such things have happened non-consensually that she isn’t interested in trying it, even consensually. I am fine with that.
I believe it’s ok for couples to do such things as long as both are in agreement and both find enjoyment from it.