Have you ever faked an orgasm?

    I thought only women faked orgasms sometimes, but now I was reading that some men do, too. So this is for both husbands and wives.

    1. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Why or why not?    

    2. Does your spouse know you do/have done this? How did they feel about it?

    3. Do you know if your spouse has ever faked one? If they have, how do you feel about it?

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    18 Answer(s)

      I haven’t faked it.

      But I think, equally as dishonest, I used to tell him all the time that it was fine if I didn’t have one. I was trying to spare his feelings. But it doesn’t lead to a better marriage. We’ve had so many encounters where he’s finished and thinking everything is A-Ok while I’m disgruntled. It’s a terrible way to live, and I’m at fault for it.

      I’ve become much better in the last year about being honest and letting him know that I need to be taken care of. I don’t always need one and sometimes don’t have the energy for it, especially lately. But it’s only fair to both of us to keep that communication open. It was tough at first. I felt selfish. However, it’s more selfish to shut him out.

      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on October 14, 2020.

      That’s a very good point. Thanks for being honest and sharing.

      -Scott

      on October 14, 2020.
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        No, I made a decision to never do that with my DH, didn’t feel it was loving.  I have “faked” ramped up my responses/enjoyment/enthusiasm to help get him to O. Sometimes after my first O, if I can tell I’m not headed to a second, I will exaggerate my responses to help him stay excited

        i don’t think DH has ever either

        On the floor Answered on October 14, 2020.

        Ditto this!

        on October 15, 2020.
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          1. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Why or why not?    Yes. For about 28 years. I have never had a O that I didn’t give myself. I have not since I confessed to him.

          This is still a area of hurt and is a work in progress. My first problem is that my first “O’s” were achieved by M while looking at pornographic magazines at around the age11 or 12. Then later some videos. This is how I learned about sex. And how I “trained” my body to achieve them. Always using porn. My DH and I started our sexual relationship way to early. I was 15. He was 16. I didn’t fake at first, it was going on a while and I still did not have one during  intercourse. I was young and frankly just uneducated about it and how my body worked, how important foreplay was etc. I felt bad so I started faking them. I really believed that I was just young and my body would catch up, and I would be able to have them. We married at 18 and after moving out of my home where the porn was available, I didn’t seek it out after that. We dabbled a time or two in movies back then, way early, maybe our first year of marriage. But after that we never used it again.  I kept thinking, this is going to get better and I will be able to O. It never did, I kept faking. I was to ashamed to confess and felt like it would just be so hurtful to him. I really believed it was not his fault and I couldn’t bear the thought of making him feel less or inadequate. A couple of years ago the Lord really laid this on my heart. I had to fix it. I had to confess my deceit. Also, After 26 years of marriage I was/am really longing for a fulfilling MB.  I knew this would never happen with this between us. It is still an issue. There is a lot rolled up in this and I could go on a while, but I’ll stop here.

          2. Does your spouse know you do/have done this? How did they feel about it?

          Yes. I finally confessed to him about 2 years ago. When I told him, I didn’t get much of a reaction, but he did say later that it upset him. He handled it much better then I thought he would. He was not nearly as upset as I thought he would be and hasn’t said a whole lot about it since.

          3. Do you know if your spouse has ever faked one? If they have, how do you feel about it?

          As far as I know, no.

          King bed Answered on October 14, 2020.

          Thank you for sharing, @Chelle. May God bless you for your openness!

          on October 14, 2020.

          Thank you so much for sharing this @Chelle. The vulnerability and truthfulness are great to hear even if the story is heartbreaking.

          -Scott

          on October 14, 2020.

          Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability.

          on October 15, 2020.
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            1) No.  I just don’t fake things.  I think it’s dishonest and lacks integrity…not just in the bedroom.

            2) He has been told I haven’t faked orgasms.

            3) I wouldn’t say he has faked one.  If I have a doubt around whether he orgasmed/ejaculated or not, I just ask.

            We both know how to go through similar motions to help the other reach their own climax.  But it’s not a deceptive act, it’s not “faking”.  It almost always comes out immediately whether we truly orgasmed or not, because we talk about it.  Both of us desire for the other to actually experience an orgasm, if they desire, and therefore we do whatever is needed to meet the desire of the other.

             

            Under the stars Answered on October 14, 2020.
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              Neither of us has ever faked one. Clearly she didn’t fake one when she was pre-orgasmic (or I wouldn’t have thought she was pre-orgasmic), but we also had a discussion on the topic just as we started to incorporate the vibe and she started O’ing. She thinks faking it is “dumb” and would never do it. I agree, and personally view it as lying to one’s spouse. You want intimacy, openness, and closeness in a marriage, not faking!

              The number of times I’ve seen women complaining online about their husbands not getting them “there” but then saying they fake O’s…it’s almost like the husband thought he was doing a good job and didn’t need to change things up! Now why would he think that? (Disclosure: this is usually on secular forums, but I’ve read it on Christian blogs in the comments as well.)

              So I can’t really answer #2 and #3, but I think we’d both be upset if the other faked it.

              -Scott

              Edit: hadn’t completed the last sentence in the 1st paragraph.

              Under the stars Answered on October 14, 2020.
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                1. I never fake orgasm, but for one exception. If I am giving DH a HJ during my period. Then I sometimes put on a show, which is so close to the real thing that he has believed it more than once. It also helps him get over the edge and have a better O.

                2. Yes, DH knows that I do not ever fake them, except for those times. He is happy with that.

                3. No, he hasn’t.

                Under the stars Answered on October 14, 2020.

                So he knows and actually enjoys that you fake them while giving him a HJ?

                on October 14, 2020.

                Yes! The interesting thing is I can almost feel like I am working myself into an O! I usually remind him each time that its fake. And I love to see what it does for him! But he also knows I will never fake it at any other time. I have always made that clear.

                on October 14, 2020.

                I think mutual-consent fake O’s like that are completely okay and potentially erotic and fun. No lying is involved. In jest, I have tried to replicate my “O sounds” with Zelda, and I think she finds it hot!

                And it’s quite possible you could work yourself into an O that way. The mind is so powerful. I know men here have reported it, and I’m pretty sure I could pull it off (or at least could when I was younger), specifically O’ing while giving cunnilingus. Especially if I “wanted” to and combined it with pelvic-floor contractions (Kegels). Maybe one day you can tell him you’re going to give it a shot!

                -Scott

                on October 14, 2020.

                My wife never wanted to be sexual during her period, she would tell me, “give yourself a handjob and leave me alone”.

                on October 15, 2020.
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                  I haven’t (and in my simple mind a male “can’t” since he either ejaculates or not) and AFAIK, she hasn’t either and it would not be consistent with her personality to get too “expressive”.   I can sometimes feel her vagina contract or quiver which leaves no doubt and if she doesn’t and I ask if she’s OK and offer to MB her to completion, she’ll tell me honestly.  Maybe half the time she’ll say “that felt good… I’m OK”…. other times consent to my assistance.

                  Plus, she always rolls her eyes and usually comments negatively when a scene of a woman screaming and panting in the throes of passion is shown in a movie… although we both LOVE this scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNEX0fbGePg .

                  On the floor Answered on October 14, 2020.

                  “…although we both LOVE this scene…”

                  Unfortunately, I’m of the generation that all I see there is Miracle Max…

                  -Scott

                  on October 14, 2020.

                  I believe a male could easily go through the motions without ejaculating.  Unless a wife is very perceptive, and cares that much to say something, how would she know while cleaning up whether the wetness is only her own lubrication or his semen as well?  How does she know whether it’s no load or a small load?

                  on October 14, 2020.

                  Maybe it’s a matter of semantics… she says she can tell when I’m ejaculating from MY contractions and the times that she’s bothered to mention what she’s FEELING from me, she’s been right.     As I have aged my volume of ejaculate has lessened  except when we’ve not ML for 4 or more days… then she says “So… the dam has burst!”

                  on October 14, 2020.

                  @SC – I can only speak for myself, but there is a very obvious difference in the ‘clean up’ when he ejaculates, compared to when he does not. There would be no way for me to mistake one for the other. Perhaps when we have aged some more, the difference might become less obvious? I don’t know, but for now, there’s absolutely no mistaking it.

                  on October 15, 2020.

                  MQ, even now, at 66, my DW sometimes laughs about “the towheaded boys dripping down (her) leg” on her way to the bathroom to clean up…. (she bore me 3 boys)

                  on October 15, 2020.

                  Well, only speaking for myself, there’s often times I am so wet for clean up, I really can’t tell if his juices are mixed in with mine. I guess this shows the wonders of unique individuality. 🙂

                  6 days ago.
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                    1. As a DH, maybe once, I can’t remember for sure. We have had to quit a few times without me getting there. Historically, I’m pretty quick, but she used to sometimes just act like a starfish and lay there. That totally messed with my confidence, and while I could remain erect, I couldn’t finish. She doesn’t get much out of PIV, and loses interest if it lasts more than a couple of minutes. That led to some less than stellar experiences. I think maybe once I faked it to avoid the negative consequences.

                    2. Nope

                    3. I don’t think she has. I’d actually love for her to fake it as long as it was understood as enhancing the erotic play and not to deceive me.

                    Fell out of ... Answered on October 14, 2020.
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                      1. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Why or why not?    No.  No need to.

                      2. Does your spouse know you do/have done this? How did they feel about it?  N/A

                      3. Do you know if your spouse has ever faked one? If they have, how do you feel about it?  Not that I’m aware of.

                      On the floor Answered on October 14, 2020.
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                        No

                        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on October 14, 2020.
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