Have you ever looked back at how different you and yuur spouse
We had our 20 year high school reunion this summer and it led to a fair amount of reflecting about the life we’ve shared (we started dating in high school). This is a great question, and reflecting on where we’ve been (and thinking about where we want to go) are good practices from time to time.
When I was a teenager, I expected I’d have sex with my wife nearly every day once I got married. Definitely wasn’t reality. I also expected things would work great from the start because I had read a lot about being a generous lover and meeting her needs. Let’s just say sex was more complicated than it seemed on paper, and we had to solve some of our communication and relationship issues before we really figured sex out well. I never though it would take 7 years of marriage and the use of sex toys for me to finally be able to bring my wife to orgasm. I never expected I’d still be dealing with PE almost 20 years into marriage. But the good news is that we’ve figured out what works for US! Forget the “normal” script (as if there is such a thing). We now know how to enjoy one another and share deep, meaningful, intimate experiences together in bed (and lots of other places too!). Praise God for figuring things out along the way, growing up together, and developing a relationship where we know each other intimately in every sense!
30 years later, quite a few things are different. Most significant is as a result of a difficult childbirth (10 years into our marriage), DW went from being able to orgasm PIV to only being able to orgasm with either hand or oral stimulation which has to follow a long massage/body rub and even that has to follow her knowing we are going to do that and having several hours to mentally heat up. The amount of effort is such that she only wants to try every few months. We don’t generally do oral stimulation for her with that anymore either as now post-menopause she much better responds to firmer fingers.
That whole issue has lead to several other changes as well. Prior to the childbirth, we were very well matched on drive and would normally have sex spontaneously with either of us initiating. The urge to have sex died way down for her after this, and I went through a period or struggling with why she didn’t desire me. There were also things that she used to even initiate, such as oral on me, that faded away as she just didn’t enjoy doing them anymore.
Sounds depressing, doesn’t it? It really is not. I came to realize and accept that she doesn’t feel horny like she used to, but she does enjoy having sex – it feels good to her though it won’t end in O and she also gets pleasure from being able to make me feel good. We do fewer things than we used to, but man, the things we do she is very active and engaged in and they are very, very good. Frequency is only down a little bit from early in our marriage with us having sex 2 to 4 times a week.
So yeah, I’ve thought about how things are different and while they aren’t what I thought they would be 30 years ago, we’re happy and that’s a really good place to be.
There are a lot of things we do now, that we didn’t, but there are also things we did….that we now don’t. We went after the things that work for one another, and then started skipping the ones that didn’t. Simple as that.
And, as we get older, what we could do before, has to change somewhat. Just how things work!