Have you noticed a shift in your love languages over time? How often have they shifted?
As life has evolved and we’ve gone through stages (married 5.5 yrs have an 8yo been together 10) I’ve really felt big shifts in how I feel love. I feel as I adapt to my husband and he still adapts to me and we navigate life changes together, that I have shifted far into touch being my strongest language when it wasn’t before. Touching my husband, putting my head on his chest and recieving a hug is just the most comforting thing. 😁 his easiest communication is acts of service, and that used to be his, but I think his has shifted too, I’m trying to get him to identify his again.
If I recall correctly, they say your love language doesn’t change, but it seems like I have had some shifts myself. I have had some theories why, but I have no clue if they hold any water….such as, there’s no chance my LL will ever be fulfilled, so I have to adapt.
A shocker for me, the last time I took the quiz, which has been a year or two, I had another LL come up in rank and tie for #1 with the one I have always had as my #1.
I don’t know if mine have changed or shifted or I just recognize them more now? For me in the past 8 years or so physical touch has definitely stood out more than it used to. Its tied with quality time which has always been high for me. When I was younger I would not have said that physical touch was important for me, I even think I scored fairly low in that area when I took the test many years ago pre-marriage. I have always loved snuggling babies and cuddling kittens and holding my much younger siblings, I wonder if that points to it being a love language for me back then and I just didn’t recognize it?
I also wonder if your love languages are different with your spouse than with a friend or other family member? I’m a fairly “touchy” person with people I know well but it doesn’t make me feel deeply loved if a friend seeks me out for a hug, or rests their hand on the back of my neck/shoulder, or plays with my hair. But when dh does those things I melt (not necessarily in a sexual way although sometimes it can be, usually its more in a “he really loves me” way). I know what you mean about it being so comforting. Such a peaceful thing to be snuggled up with him.
With my friends I feel much more loved/close when we spend quality time together than I do with physical touch but also in our culture how often do with do things that lend to physical touch with a friend? I’ve snuggled under a blanket on the couch watching a movie with a friend and I like I said I’m what people would call touchy and don’t shy away from hello/goodbye hugs. But what I’m getting at is I wonder if I didn’t recognize physical touch as one of my love languages before I was married because I didn’t have as many opportunities for it?
I don’t know if mine have changed per se, but I think maybe my…appreciation? for DH’s expressions have changed. DH loves very much with acts of service. This was particularly important to me when we were dating because I was dissatisfied with how my dad did so little to help out around the house. I was fairly determined to have a different life than either of my moms; one of equal effort. Now that I know more about love languages, and his in particular, I try hard to appreciate his expressions of love for what they are. Meanwhile, my need to hear encouraging words is stronger than ever.
I haven’t noticed a change. But I have wondered if that might happen in some cases. For instance, when dramatic emotional growth occurs, one might desire quality time more. Or if one marries one who is very HD and is willing to adjust to that HD, physical touch might increase or even acts of service.