Hear me out
I have read blogs, books, articles, etc for years and they all say the same thing. Problems in the bedroom are a reflection of problems elsewhere. But what if that is not true? What if the problem actually is in the bedroom and that is causing problems elsewhere? I am not saying this is true in all cases but I believe it to be true in ours.
How do you get help unravelling problems when you really can’t afford to go to a counsellor?
Can you give us an idea of the kind of problems you are having? That detail may determine what direction or advice people give you. Is it physical issues, communication problems, technique difficulties, etc, etc?
There is a FB group with an actual Christian sex therapist, one of very few, as the lead….that might be a good resource. It’s called, “Better Than the Honeymoon”.
You may be absolutely right. Problems do arise in the bedroom. However, the problem is not the problems that arise. The problem is how we deal with them as a couple. Now, if we have not grown past the luggage we brought into marriage with respect to blame, shame, anger, frustration without resolve, passive aggression, etc., then what does it matter if it started in the bedroom or came from somewhere else? We are still pushing the same button we did before we got married to solve a problem and its not going to get resolved that way.
I can’t add comments so I will respond here: ShadowSpirit, thank you. I will look into these resources.
SeekingChange: it’s kind of all of the above. We got married with zero knowledge (they skipped that part in pre-marriage counselling saying we would figure it out). It is not great for either of us and for years we talked about it but nothing changed so we don’t talk about it any more. We are both unhappy with the way things are but just have no idea how to move forward. One positive is that we did both grow up with a good perspective about it but it was very much a “if you wait until marriage it will be great!” Hmmmm. Not so much.