How did you move from AP to AS? How did you explore the possibilities of AS with your spouse?

    I have read with interest the discussions about anal play and anal sex.  My wife and I have enjoyed AP for some time;  digital penetration (for both of us) has always amped up our sexual experiences.  My wife’s moves to stimulate my prostate as part of foreplay and during intercourse started the journey (I’m a fan) and I’ve returned the favor on her end.

    I am hungry for more and get hard just thinking about the next step to AS, penetrating my wife.  I’m not so sure where’s she’s at on this, though, and don’t want to mess this up.  I’ve always been the Indiana Jones guy in bed, first up for the adventure; she is very devoted to me and wants to please, but can be intimidated by some of my wild ideas.  I want always to respect her boundaries, even if I want to expand them.

    I am interested in any advice you might have about opening the back door, in conversation, with baby steps, good reads, whatever, from any who have already gone before us.  Downsides?  Upsides?  Thanks.

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      The best way to start most of these conversations is just to say, “Hey, I’ve been thinking…” and “What do you think?” Pay close attention to her reaction and respond accordingly. If that approach doesn’t sound right for you, you might spend some time in prayer considering why you feel that way or if God is telling you now is not the right time to approach your wife.

      Under the stars Answered on November 16, 2019.

      Well said and wise.  Thanks.

      on November 17, 2019.
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        My husband just led us into it, I can’t even recall exactly how the first time happened, that was over 25 years ago. We started with AS long before we actually moved to AP.

        I do know that anytime a new idea is presented to me, I need time to think it through and process it. But there are also times, when we are in the moment, I would rather just have my husband take the lead. If I am against it, I will speak up, but you need to know your wife on that. That’s how we started AP.

        Under the stars Answered on November 16, 2019.

        I hear this.  Very helpful.

        on November 17, 2019.
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          We tried anal sex years ago, wife did not like it at all and doesn’t want it.  I know a lady about 70 years old, she told me once that she actually enjoyed doing anal with her husband and they did it a couple times a month.

          California King Answered on November 18, 2019.
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            My husband brought it up and let me know he’d be very interested. I wasn’t interested and was more scared it would hurt, but was willing to explore the idea of slowly working up to it. I really enjoy AP as long as plenty of lube is involved (coconut oil is our favorite). If you decide to bring it up with your wife and she responds similarly, I have 3 words for you: Keep your cool! My husband immediately went online and purchased every toy and training device possible and when he showed me all of this I was really overwhelmed. And I felt immense pressure to do something I was scared to do. Which lead me to thinking he was putting his desire above my comfort which shut down my sex drive… nasty cycle. Be aware that she might say she is game, but have her own fears on the subject. If you decide to buy anything, maybe just get ONE thing. Also, the toys never helped me feel more comfortable with AS, it was reading posts on TMB that helped me. We eventually tried AS and maybe do it once every 6 months or so. I have so much more I could say on the subject but since this is how to start the conversation I’ll stop there!

            Queen bed Answered on November 18, 2019.

            Yes, I’ve been known to drive the car too fast, buying too much of this and too much of that, pulling away from the curb before my wife has a chance to buckle up.   Good word above.   From the tenor of your comments, it seems as if you gradually opened yourself to this dimension of lovemaking in deference to your husband’s desire, perhaps reluctantly, but to please him, nevertheless.  May I ask if you found anything in the experience that was a win for you, beyond the loving gesture you gave to your partner?  If now it’s the rare exception, not the rule (once every six months), does that mean it’s not that satisfying for you or your husband or both?  Thanks for sharing and speaking into this thread.

            on November 19, 2019.

            You’re assessment is right on. I knew he really wanted to try it and so I wanted to be open to the possibility to please him and also because I thought maybe I’d like it if I gave it a chance. The first several times seemed to hurt too much and we didn’t get far, but then one time it happened and I actually enjoyed it. There were several factors that made that a good run but that might be for a different post! Maybe I’ll post a question to discuss that further and share my experiences. Anyway, I was elated that I could do that for him and those feelings are what made me be up for trying it again since. But most of the time it’s still pretty uncomfortable or painful for me. We decided not to do it unless it was my idea, which took a lot of pressure off because when he would ask for it and it hurt me, it started to effect our relationship. My husband absolutely loves it so I don’t think I ever want to give it up altogether, plus I remember the few times it was good for me too. Hope that helps!

            on November 20, 2019.

            I should add that my husband did not want to have AS anymore when he realized it was hurting me. I stayed quiet about it at first which is what caused problems for us. It was my idea to not throw in the towel but instead have me be the initiator.

            on November 20, 2019.

            I’m interested in the “so much more” so I encourage you  to chime in with that. I’ve wanted PIA every since we have been married and it was a hard “no” for many years, but with DW’s awakening  the hard has moved to a maybe.

            on January 18, 2020.
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