How did you move from AP to AS? How did you explore the possibilities of AS with your spouse?
I have read with interest the discussions about anal play and anal sex. My wife and I have enjoyed AP for some time; digital penetration (for both of us) has always amped up our sexual experiences. My wife’s moves to stimulate my prostate as part of foreplay and during intercourse started the journey (I’m a fan) and I’ve returned the favor on her end.
I am hungry for more and get hard just thinking about the next step to AS, penetrating my wife. I’m not so sure where’s she’s at on this, though, and don’t want to mess this up. I’ve always been the Indiana Jones guy in bed, first up for the adventure; she is very devoted to me and wants to please, but can be intimidated by some of my wild ideas. I want always to respect her boundaries, even if I want to expand them.
I am interested in any advice you might have about opening the back door, in conversation, with baby steps, good reads, whatever, from any who have already gone before us. Downsides? Upsides? Thanks.
The best way to start most of these conversations is just to say, “Hey, I’ve been thinking…” and “What do you think?” Pay close attention to her reaction and respond accordingly. If that approach doesn’t sound right for you, you might spend some time in prayer considering why you feel that way or if God is telling you now is not the right time to approach your wife.
My husband just led us into it, I can’t even recall exactly how the first time happened, that was over 25 years ago. We started with AS long before we actually moved to AP.
I do know that anytime a new idea is presented to me, I need time to think it through and process it. But there are also times, when we are in the moment, I would rather just have my husband take the lead. If I am against it, I will speak up, but you need to know your wife on that. That’s how we started AP.
My husband brought it up and let me know he’d be very interested. I wasn’t interested and was more scared it would hurt, but was willing to explore the idea of slowly working up to it. I really enjoy AP as long as plenty of lube is involved (coconut oil is our favorite). If you decide to bring it up with your wife and she responds similarly, I have 3 words for you: Keep your cool! My husband immediately went online and purchased every toy and training device possible and when he showed me all of this I was really overwhelmed. And I felt immense pressure to do something I was scared to do. Which lead me to thinking he was putting his desire above my comfort which shut down my sex drive… nasty cycle. Be aware that she might say she is game, but have her own fears on the subject. If you decide to buy anything, maybe just get ONE thing. Also, the toys never helped me feel more comfortable with AS, it was reading posts on TMB that helped me. We eventually tried AS and maybe do it once every 6 months or so. I have so much more I could say on the subject but since this is how to start the conversation I’ll stop there!