How do you handle time away for hobbies?
So I was sitting in the woods the other day and an old term came to mind “hunting widows.” Who amongst us has experienced this when one spouse is gone for a period of time, for example, hunting? How have you handled the time away when it comes to TMB? Is there anything special that happens either before or after or if you are the spouse at home, is there sometimes a feeling of resentment for the other’s absence? How do you as a couple handle those times? If you are a “hunting widow” how do you handle it?
My “hobby” of officiating brings in an income to our household and pays for the extras like new-to-us cars, new roof, new kitchen, etc. so she doesn’t complain much about it since she’s driving the nicest car she’s ever personally owned outright. She uses the time in season to spend with kids, Bible studies, and now studying for school. I’ll probably be doing this long after I retire from full-time work.
I bring her along! Seriously. Once a year I visit my mother in another state and I just bring along my DW. DW loves antiqueing. I don’t really enjoy it in particular but she brings me along and I enjoy being with her and seeing the joy on your face as she makes the perfect find. Not sure how hunting works, but why couldn’t you bring her along unless you have kids in the picture??!!
I have a hobby (horses) that DW does not participate in at all but she does not resent me for the time I spend on it. I think she appreciates that it is good for my physical and mental health.
At the same time I accept she is not into it, she finds the whole thing quite scary, so there would be no point in dragging her along.
I hunt and fish….a little. Since I almost always take some combination of the kids with me, me getting to do my hobby is actually a break for her. I’ve encouraged her to get away by herself or just block out some time for something she wants to do. As a perfectionist super mom she struggles with the idea. No real effect on the marriage bed, as I’m almost never gone overnight.
DW has never done or said anything to try to restrict me timewise from hobbies. I wouldn’t call her a hunting widow, or any other kind for that matter, as I always try to partake in such a way that does not leave her alone for long periods. It helps that she is a very independent woman and was raised in a household where her dad hunted and was off adventuring from time to time as well. If it has ever bothered her, she’s kept it to herself. She doesn’t mind being alone usually. She understands as well that I will likely be up for some romp before or after, or maybe both, when a few days away occur. She’ll usually made herself available for such. And if there is something looming at home, I don’t leave until its handled – be that chore-wise or otherwise. Luckily we have a long hunting season where we live so I do fine with several little one-two-three day jaunts spread out over months. She actually joined me this week for a one-nighter and took the opportunity to chill at the cabin while I sat in a tree (easier for her now that we have WiFi there = Netflix 🙂 ) …the post-hunt BJ wasn’t bad either! After all, I did do all the cooking. 😉
We used to do the horse/rodeo scene together. It actually had a lot to do with us getting together some 29 years ago. Now that the kids are gone, I am seriously considering dusting off the saddles and powdering up the ropes. I don’t know if she will want to go along or not. I guess we’ll see.
“Who amongst us has experienced this when one spouse is gone for a period of time, for example, hunting?”
Neither of us have hobbies that take us away for an extended amount of time (overnights, weekends, weeks, etc) . Those type of things are more likely to happen with ministry stuff like conferences, retreats, or a time for prayer and study.
“How have you handled the time away when it comes to TMB?”
When we are apart, because it’s not that frequent, we pretty much take care of things on our own when needed.
“Is there anything special that happens either before or after or if you are the spouse at home, is there sometimes a feeling of resentment for the other’s absence? ”
Nothing really special but we do make sure that we come together before and after. I have never really felt resentment over this kind of thing, or when he goes out for the day to do something he enjoys, especially in recent years, I send him off with my blessing and I appreciate the time to myself. I am more likely to have issues when he is spending all his free time, and then some, in a project that is taking weeks or months.
Neither of us have hobbies that take us away from home. I’m very glad DH doesn’t have the heart for hunting, because I don’t either, and would not want to go with. I have my hobbies that I do at home, and he doesn’t really have any that he puts a lot of time into. What he does, he does at home.