How often do you have “hot” sex compared to “connection” sex and “quickie” sex?
I was averse to toys, so when I wasn’t saying no, sex was more about satisfying DH. If I O’d or not was not an issue, I’d more than likely not O. But then I found TMB by accident, maybe 5 or 6 years ago? Not sure. It took a while, but about 2 1/2 years ago I stopped refusing AND I bought a Lelo vibrator. I can’t think of one time since then that I haven’t O’d during any kind (long or short) sex! I am not sure why you might be against toys, but I’m fairly conservative and only chose the Lelo because I really wanted something I could use during PIV, and I didn’t (and still don’t) want anything that penetrates. We also bought the magic wand later because DH really likes to use it on me as a massager and otherwise.
The great thing about the Lelo is we can leave it on the nightstand while we have our longer sessions and start using it when we’re ready if I need it. OR if a quickie needs to be had bc of schedules and general kid craziness, the vibe gets me there in no time and we both still get to O.
As far as connection goes, I never knew what that really looked like until I stopped refusing and started O’ing with DH. We still have our ups and downs, but sex always brings us back to a balance, sort of like hitting a reset button.
All our sex is “hot” to me, but for the sake of your question, I’d have to say we are 70% hot, 30% quickie.
I have two different kinds of Os: 1) physical sensation, see stars, muscle contractions, etc., which usually only comes from the use of toys (but 100% more effectually from DH’s use of them on me than my own use). And 2) deep inner soul feeling that has less intense but still present physical pleasure that only comes from slow, hot, connection sex. So I have to give you a breakdown of three varieties:
“Regular” sex, with toys, multiple O’s of the first type for me and a good one for him–60%
“Connection” sex, with a lot of foreplay, a lot of connection, and a rather longer than usual period of PIV with the second type of O for me and a good one for him–15%
“Quickie” sex, where there’s just not time for either other type but he needs it and I am more than happy to provide for his need, even without an O–25%
We only recently discovered the “connection” type (not that we weren’t connecting with “regular” sex; it just didn’t take this physical form), so given time, the percentages could well change.
We use at least one toy every time we have sex….that’s just become the norm, and that toy makes it where an O for me is almost 100% guaranteed. I am guessing that most of our encounters wouldn’t be the “hot” you are thinking of. We have been in a season where we have had very little “hot” sex (but a lot of sex)….we have probably had more “hot sex” this past week than we have had the past year or two. I don’t know if other marriages are this way, but we definitely are seasonal in our sexual activity.
As defined, lingerie on occasion, never any toys, multiple orgasms fairly often.
Male orgasm, emotional connection for DW, probably about 30 % of the time.
I feel we are in a transition period in our sex life. We have been empty nesters about two years and it only began to be apparent to me the benefits of the situation; i.e., not worrying about wearing clothes, sex at any time or place in the house, not having to be quiet ( I’m currently the only one enjoying this freedom, she is still quiet during sex and has been known to put her hand over my mouth and shush me when i got too much into the moment ). Seems we have swapped libidos, she used to be the high drive one, but I was not okay with our relationship and did not feel like being sexual with her earlier in our marriage. I have been honest and admitted that i was wrong and regretted my actions, and have told her we now can have the sex life more like we could have had in the past, but I haven’t received much affirmative feedack.
This looks like a much longer answer than required, and I deviated from the topic, forgive me.
Wishing all TMB friends a great day !!!!!