How openly do you and your spouse show physical affection in public?
Do you hug and/or kiss in front of your children, or parents, siblings, or friends?
How often do you hold hands while out and about? Or somehow touch each other while sitting?
Did you learn this from watching your parents, or it was something you and your spouse decided to do, or it was something that just came naturally?
Let me add that I am more that will to flirt, tickle and smack or pinch her butt on occasion in front of her girls…but I try not to make them “gag” too much. Laughter, joy and playfulness and keys to a pleasant household & marriage and I want them to see that as normal and important for their future relationships, especially with their “daddy issues” with a nearly absent biological father.
We are pretty affectionate at home, hugging kissing etc. in front of the kids, dh will sometimes smack my butt as he walks by. He has no qualms about holding hands or sitting with his arm around me in public either. Dh is a bit more reserved about PDA than I am (touch is my primary LL and not high up on his list so that’s probably part of it). He will kiss me in public, a quick smooch type kiss but only in certain scenarious usually where we are around people we know and he feels comfortable with. He is funny about kissing at church too, it makes him uncomfortable. Once I sat on his lap at church during a Wednesday night group game (he was off to the side of the room watching the younger kids play) and he said he wasn’t sure I should be sitting on his lap at church. I do wish he would seek me out for physical affection more (it seems to be usually me going to him for physical affection more than the other way around) especially in public as there is something very affirming in that.
Yes, we do. Her teen daughters roll their eyes…or say stop in a normal teen way. They’re dad was never affectionate so they NEVER saw their parents kiss and display acts of affection or playfulness. I (and we) want them to see what they grew up with in their first years was unhealthy and not normal. My boys are adults but will see us be playful and affectionate when around. Again, I want to model healthy affection because they don’t remember a lot from yrs ago and their mom lied about her choices and marital demise…and she’s been married and divorced again so truth and time with God go hand in hand.
We hold hands a lot and if I’m sitting beside her will DEFINITELY have my hand on or under her thigh. If not I’m holding her hand or one of us will have our arm around the other’s shoulder.
I grew up with affectionate parents. The only thing I specifically remember them kissing after prayer at every meal. They still do at 84 & 79. DW didn’t grow up with that but she is has made a choice to become more affectionate compared to them. My parents hugged all the girls when they came in my house at our first Thanksgiving together. It was weird for them but they liked it. Me? Touch is my first love language
While we are not ones to stick our tongues down each others throat, we have no qualms about PDA. We hold hands often, hug in front of everyone and anyone, and kiss when we feel like it. I grew up with parents that were very affectionate to each other, without hanging on one another. Her parents aren’t shy about hugging or kissing in front of any of us either. Embarrassing our kids is one of our great joys in life, so there are times we may even embellish the hugging and kissing in their presence.
I’ll go first!
We hug and kiss in front of our children, but never have kissed in front of parents or siblings. DH’s one brother would kiss his wife in front of the younger siblings just to gross them out.
We hold hands whenever we have a chance, public, or otherwise. When sitting at a table, we often are somehow touching under the table or a hand in the lap. When on a sofa, we sit right up against each other and will have our feet on the recliner together. Or he will sit at one end and I will sit at the other, with my feet in his lap.
Awhile ago, MIL came to visit. There were all the obligation hugs when she left. Than DD (13 at the time) asked me if DH and I ever hugged. I was taken aback and said, of course we do, almost every day. She looked puzzled and said she had never seen us hug!!! It took me a bit to figure it out what would ever makeher say that. DH and I don’t hug like we hug grandma. I think I explained to her what I called hugging DH. It made sense than.
Neither of us learned any public displays of affection from our parents. My parents would sit close to each other in a vehicle if nobody saw them. One time, someone who knew them was following them on the highway. When my parents got close to their destination, my mom moved back to the passenger side so no one would see them sitting together!
Yes, we hug, kiss, hold hands, drape legs over each other (mine on his), speak affection, etc, in front of all you mentioned. My husband held back kissing me in front of the church while he was going from volunteer to volunteer and speaking to them, but he had no problem telling them all he wanted to kiss me but didn’t want to make them uncomfortable. He got laughs.
When out in public, he almost always has his hand around mine or tucked in my back pocket.
I recall some affection between my parents at home, but not much. Our PDA is really because of my husband, his LL and his personality, not because it was modeled to him by his parents, far from it. He is very expressive, and because his LL is Physical Touch, that is often how he expresses….but he’s very verbal too. He is a Type 3 and has a “Look at me!” personality, so bringing attention to himself doesn’t faze him.
We will hug and share simple kisses with no problems in front of our children or in public. We are extremely loving with our children so I believe they feel like this is normal and healthy. I was not brought up in an environment like that. I received little to no communication or affection from my mother or stepfather. It is extremely important to me to break that cycle and make sure my children know they are loved through words and touch.
Touch is my #1 and it is my husbands #5, so there are some issues there. My DH reminds me often that he has to make an effort to touch me. So he will try to hold my hand some. We generally will share hugs and small kisses in the am before he goes to work and when he gets home, but that is usually the extent. maybe because he has reminded me So much that he has to make such an effort, I typically don’t try to engage him further in the touch area. This is an area I have to work through on my own and it’s not an easy one. It has so much effect on me on feeling loved, worthy and desired. I didn’t receive it as a child or much as a adult so undoubtedly it has had its effects on me. the last thing I can do is ask for it, I’m just not capable of that. It’s like asking to be loved.
The lack of touch and kisses transfers to the MB as well, but that’s for another post!
We hug and kiss in front of our kids – have done that since they were small. We do not hesitate to do so in other contexts, but it is more frequent at home.
We often hold hands or I have my arm around DW in public. I love sitting close to her or touching her whenever possible. DW is less free in doing so.
I learned this from my parents and some of my relatives – who were “huggers”. DW and I have felt that showing affection publicly is part of our lifestyle the we want to live and also part of our witness to Jesus and His love!
We do kiss and hug. Nothing passionate but definitely there. My parents didn’t have PDA often, though I knew they loved each other and whenever we went camping I’d hear them kissing at night. I’m glad we had the camping experience. My DW and I have always been comfortable holding hands and touching in public but it isn’t an overly frequent thing as physical touch is not one of her primary love languages. She knows it is my main one, so if I want touch we will almost always do so. Just like if she wants me to just spend quality time with her, I’m not going to avoid that either and we will do so.
Yes, we hug tightly and kiss in front of our sons & their families and friends when it is appropriate (like greeting each other at the airport or driveway when one of us has been away, etc.) but we don’t do it for show. We also hold hands frequently when walking , driving, or sitting at the table in a restaurant, at a cinema, or home watching a movie. She has arthritis in her hands (and neck) now so she often repositions her hand to cover my hand . We took an extended trip back in fall – did a lot of walking – and we held hands most of the time we were going somewhere. Part of that was because my wife has had back surgery twice and a stumble on some of the uneven pavement or paths could have really hurt her but mainly because we were enjoying the closeness of experiencing new places and cultures for the first time together. That said, DW will neither initiate nor participate in any PDAs which hint at sensuality.
My grandparents were very loving to us and my mother was very affectionate to me and my brothers but there was not much, if any, expression of affection shown between my parents. DW’s parents were huggers and kissers too (but not sensual PDA’s or evidences of an active MB between them.)