How to spice up lovemaking

    I am looking for some ideas for our marriage bed. We have had a fairly good sex life all our marriage with the knowledge we had. We would like to get out of our rut, but how? We haven’t done OS, mostly because of DH’s aversion to it, for a reason. He doesn’t feel its wrong, just one time had it forced upon him when he had no idea what it was. He said if I want to try on him, thats fine, but not to ever expect it back. So I am thinking about it. We are mostly limited to 3 positions because of our bodys’ angles. We have several children at home, ranging from school age to latter teens. I am just drawing a blank on how to start expanding the menu. Also, how do I bring suggestions to DH without making him feel like he isn’t doing a good job? (He is!) We always make love in bed, start and end the same way.  I’m sure someone has some suggestions where and how to start. DH isn’t a lingerie person. I did ask him the question of the day, about how you would ‘spy’ on your spouse, however it went. Ha, he said he would like to sneak up on me masturbating, so thats one area I could ‘help’ him in. I guess what we would both really like, is to turn it into adult playtime,  instead of so mechanical.

    Under the stars Asked on August 3, 2019 in Activities & Items .

    What if you made him watch you masturbate – clearly he will be totally erect watching you – but as you do …. do not touch him and see where that leads to ??, and toys will totally help,you

    on August 5, 2019.
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    7 Answer(s)

      Just start taking the initiative on doing things.  If you sense it’s becoming too much for him, or putting him under too much pressure, and he starts withdrawing, back off.  If he starts responding in a good way, continue on.

      It sounds to me like he has given you the nod to try to change his opinion on OS, if you desire to give to him, do it.

      I don’t know what you have tried or haven’t tried… these are just some random thoughts and suggestions, try what you wish, and discard what doesn’t work.

      • Sometimes suggestive texts during the day can help with the night.
      • Start things in a different place or setting.  When he’s sitting in a chair, climb up on his lap and straddle him….do what you know he might like, whether it’s kisses, caressing his hair or ears, trailing your fingers around his collar, maybe unbuttoning his shirt and taking your fingers down.  As you do this, rock your hips in a natural and suggestive motion.
      • Add different lighting to your room…. a red light gives an ambiance of firelight, put up a string of white Christmas lights, or a strand of LED lights that change colors.
      • Fondle him in passing …. when he’s standing in the kitchen at the sink, reach around and do a little rub while you hug him.  When you kiss him goodbye, do a little groping that says “Think of me, I’ll see you later!”
      • Focus on other erogenous zones.  Nibble and suckle around his neck, do the same to his nipples.
      • Give him a hickey (where it can be hidden if necessary).
      • Tease him with your feet, under the table when you are eating….especially if you are at a restaurant.  Slip your shoes off and slide your toes up his leg.  Or if you are short like me, I often prop my feet up on the seat across from me (rather than have them dangle), that is prime opportunity to do a little teasing as they rest and are nestled between his legs.
      • Shower with him, and you wash his body.
      • Flash him at unexpected times.
      • Find a couples sex game, and give it a go.

       

      If you can get the fires burning outside of the bedroom, it will often carry over into the bedroom.  I think almost everything I mentioned can be done at your initiation, without having to suggest anything to him.  You might actually be able to use your sexual charms to get him in such a place of desire, that he might think some newness in the bedroom is actually his idea.

      Under the stars Answered on August 3, 2019.

      You are a smart lady!!   You have listed a  few new ideas I’d love for my DW to surprise me with.

      on August 3, 2019.

      SC, we do a lot of what you mentioned. I’m thinking the problem is that it all just sort of fizzles out by the time we get to bed. We live in an extremely short summer season climate and life is so busy for a couple months in summer that we just don’t take the time to follow thro with all those things. Guess we’ll have to work on that.

      on August 3, 2019.

      Just in case you get the notification and are confused SC I accidentally down voted this answer when I meant to up vote it. I fixed it now.

      on August 4, 2019.
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        You didn’t say if you have any so you could add a toy or 2 to the mix.  He might enjoy watching you use it on yourself which might make him want to get in on the fun too.

         

        California King Answered on August 4, 2019.
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          I agree with SC ideas. And as suggested, you might want to try toys.

          In addition, you saying things in a sexy way or the way you look at him with sexy eyes or the way you walk toward him

          Ask him to check what you aren’t wearing underneath

          Write up wish lists and then commit to fulfilling them

          Go with your desire to try OS on him. Use your mouth, tongue and hands and if you are up to it, go all the way.

          Under the stars Answered on August 4, 2019.
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            A quick random thought:

            Since time is at a premium and he likes to see you masturbate I suggest a scenario where you go to bed a bit before him and masturbate till you are aroused enough for intercourse. Time it so he walks in to the sight of you stimulating yourself. You could go down on him with OS to get things started and then quickly get into WOT . Alternatively you could invite him into his favorite male dominant position or just let him watch you give yourself an orgasm.

            On the floor Answered on August 4, 2019.
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              Thanks to all for your responses. They will be useful and helpful. Anyone has any more suggestions, I will be happy to hear them as well.

              Under the stars Answered on August 6, 2019.
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                Great suggestions but I think it’s also important to communicate to him how your feeling about your sex life and to ask him how he is feeling. Open communication builds intimacy and also shows where problems are and should be addressed, with help if needed.  If it can’t be talked about together, there is more of a marriage issue than a physical intimacy issue.

                Under the stars Answered on September 5, 2019.
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                  Brynna,

                  The posts responding to your questions are full of awesome ideas.  Hope you give them a try.  I would urge you to masturbate for your DH.  It will help you learn more about yourself and show him what works best for you.  I’m sure he really love you and maybe just needs little encouraging lessons on how to please you.  Most me are very visual so letting him see (and hear) you, just for him, would likely solicit the reactions you hope for.

                  And you might share the site https://www.christianfriendlysexpositions.com/ with him to suggest something new.

                  Fell out of ... Answered on September 5, 2019.
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