How to talk to my husband about ED
Hello all, I just found this site and am so grateful and hopeful for some help. I’m not sure if this would be considered “senior sex” but as we are having issues with ED, I thought this was a good place to start. My husband is 55 and has recently started having issues with ED. He can achieve an erection but often loses it during sex or rushes to be able to finish before he loses it.
My issue is how to address it. He is very private. We don’t talk about sex very much and he has not mentioned the ED at all, although I’m certain he must be aware of it. How do I bring it up? I am afraid that acknowledging it will only make things worse. I am very sad and worried that our sex life is essentially over when we are still fairly young. We are new empty-nesters, my libido has increased a lot in recent years, and I was looking forward to many years of great sex. But things seems to be going in the opposite direction. I welcome any suggestions from wives (or their husbands) who have had the same experience.
For some background, my husband is healthy and not overweight or on any medications at all. He exercises regularly and is not under an undue amount of stress with his job, etc.
I would start with asking him and discussing the role of sexual intimacy in your marriage as you age. How important is it? This gives you an opportunity to hear him and to share your own feelings. Share your desire to continue a vibrant sex life. Share what you need. I know this is a sensitive topic for men, so be loving and gracious, but also realize that even if it hurts, he needs to hear your side.
Once that discussion happens, how that went, will probably determine how you approach it after that. If it went well, and you both agree that you want to keep a healthy sex life, discuss what steps you could take. I personally would recommend getting a physical, checking into a bhrt doctor and getting his hormones checked. If nothing else, you could try some ED meds (viagra, cialis, or generic forms)…our personal experience, my husband hated the side effects of what it did to his head.
Realize that this likely won’t be a one-time conversation, it will be a process of conversations. This needs to be looked at as an “OUR journey”, an “OUR issue” to work on together, not as “his problem.
As usual, SC nailed it on the head with her answer!
I will emphasize the idea of getting his testosterone levels checked, especially if he is having other symptoms (fatigue, difficulty concentrating, a “brain fog” of sorts, unexplained weight gain, etc.). It is amazing how much better a man feels when his testosterone level is correct, and even if that does not fix his ED (which it might or might not), it will help him have the mental energy to tackle the issue better.
Be vulnerable with him. If you are guarded then you can only expect him to be the same. Share your fantasies, desires, likes, hopes.
Be non-judgmental. Hopeful and positive are attributes that give opportunity for him to relax and not be defensive.
Be daring of yourself. If you are willing to share yourself by acts, actions, attitudes, in a vulnerable way you will help him be at ease to open up.
Be patient changes take seasons and time.
Be prayerful most of all. If you desire change for the better part of your marriage, seek the Lord and what is His will for the both of you.
Of course if your really dealing with something like a deep seeded response to porn or related issue, you really need to seek outside help.