Husbands, would you like to be treated like a king??
So, obviously, this question came as a result of the other one for women.
I have been mulling this over and wonder how the men feel about being treated like a king. Is that what you like? If so, what does your wife do that makes you feel like like royalty? I’m thinking in life in general and every day living, not in the sexual department, as we have heard about that here before. If you have some examples and ideas, please share them with us. Wives are welcome to share what they do for their husbands, as well.
I have asked my husband, but he always says to just keep on and what makes me think I’m doing something wrong! He’s easy to please, but I still like ideas because I know I can improve in this area.
I’m nervous about the idea of being treated as a king. I don’t need encouragement in the direction of thinking I’m important! I want to be a servant of my DW and family.
But, I think you are asking about how I’d like to be treated. Well, here’s a few things (Many of which I enjoy already!)
- my favorite meals a few times a week – including favorite breakfast too
- be called sweet, endearing , and respectful names during the day
- be able to go out in public with Mrs. OWM with both of us dressed up!
- a nice massage
- be taken on a date that Mrs. OWM arranged
- enjoy a movie and some snacks or popcorn with Mrs. OWM
- Receive the occasional gift or chocolate
- be sexually attacked in the morning!
When I asked my husband about this question his interpretation of “like a king”, meant he got what he wanted, when he wanted, all he had to do was speak it. He kind of chuckled when I asked him if he felt I treated him like a king (this was before he defined it for me.) The obvious take from that was a “no” 😆 , though he went on to share how he knows he is blessed with me. I would guess he has more of the heart @Crazydaddy shared, even though he mentioned a thing or two he wouldn’t mind saying and receiving. 😉
if all I got was the good side of kingship, then sure. Why not?
In fact, on second thought, yes, all the way. Why? Because it’s what we are called to be in our family, just as Christ is the king of my life. If I were treated like the king, then it would suggest I was successfully fulfilling the role. Problem is that most people associate king with tyrant in the worldly sense. Selfish, violent, etc. But the king of my life wore a thorny crown and sacrificed himself for me. As he is my example, I would hope to treated in a way that indicates emulation. No, don’t treat me like God, or a god. Just like a benevolent, loved leader.
I might be unique, but royalty is not how I want to be treated. I want to be cherished, appreciated, counted on, and desired. My strongest LL is Words of Afirmation. Not big, bold gestures, though. More like a quiet thank you, or I love you.
No, for me, I don’t want to be the king. I just want to be the partner.
Thank you for this question brynna, It has inspired me in more ways than one. I’m working up a sermon as I type, so my thoughts are a little jumbled yet. I figure there are those here that will chime in with valuable thoughts to add. Since this is a question asked by a wife towards husband, and I assume it is also wives reading to get the thoughts of husbands- I’ll proceed in that vein.
There is a phenomenon that I can’t remember the proper name for now, but I’ll try to describe it. Basically people will subconsciously try to fill the role for which they are treated. We see it played out in popular entertainment when husbands are portrayed as morons. Presenting that image sets a low bar that most find easy to obtain. Homer Simpson compared to Ward Cleaver. But that’s just one part of it. That’s the external example. What about the internal? Not inside the man, but inside the family? Marge Simpson verses June Cleaver? Is that impactful? Of course it is.
If a wife treats her husband as a moron, and takes the voided role of leader as a default position, what does that do to the husband? It makes it easy to fill the role she has made for him. He will often take the easy road of capitulation. If he has aspirations of proper leadership, it will be increasingly difficult and he will likely tire of the fight. Then, eventually the wife complains. internally first, that her husband is weak and not desirable. Then it becomes external. She belittles him, resents him, sees him as something she has to control and handle, because he can’t do it himself. Of course she can’t desire a man like that and sex soon evaporates. This husband now not only feels like a moron, he feels undesirable and unworthy. None of this is inspiring for him. There is nothing in this story that motivates any change for the better. She may not grow to despise him, or dispose of him. She may love him, but no longer feels “in love with him.” Who’s at fault? Both.
But what happens when the wife chooses to treat him like the leader he is supposed to be instead? If that is set as the expectation, then it becomes a vacuum for him to fill. If you treat someone with respect, they tend to act respectfully. If you treat someone with contempt, the tend to act contemptuously. There are in fact very few psychopaths in the world. Most people will react predictably in these ways. I won’t take the time to work out examples of this here. I figure most are capable enough to figure them out.
So, again, yes, I want my wife to treat me like the king of my domain. Why? Because it inspires and motivates me to fulfill that rightful role. As long as I understand the Godly directives of how to do so, then it will also inspire her to reciprocate. Of course it is equally up to me to in turn treat her in equal expectation.
The hard part is that nowhere in scripture does it say to do this only if the other is acting right first. That’s what makes it so hard. We’d much rather react in kind than act In proactive expectation.
There is a horse trainer whom I respect. His methods to me are the perfect balance of positive and negative. His mantra is simple, but far reaching: “Make the right thing easy and the wrong thing hard.” Making the right thing easy is always the first and preferred option. I’m not saying that husbands are just animals to be trained, but this concept of producing predictable behavior does work in human relations. And it goes just as well for wives. But since this is a husband focused post, I’ll stay with them. Make it easy for your husband to be the leader that God calls him to be. Treat him that way will actually encourage him to be that way – whatever “that way” is. You treat him like a useless, undesirable bafoon, Then he’ll be one.
Making the wrong thing hard is more tricky. And more dangerous. A misapplication of that is often what has caused the problem in the first place. She doesn’t like some behavior so she has instilled a negative feedback that has actually become detrimental to her own good. In my estimation, the better way to handle this is simple honesty. But she first must be honest with herself. If the negative feelings she has are rooted in selfishness, then that root must be pulled first. Then, she must simply and concisely tell him how his actions make her feel and that she AND GOD have higher expectations of him. Make the wrong behavior glaringly wrong in the light of God and thus hard to accept. This is in fact love in a pure form. But it only works if you are first making the right thing easy by treating him like the benevolent leader he should be. Let’s get real – if you are denying sex because he is not doing what you want him to, you are at fault as much as he, and you have no “right ground” to stand on.
Like my friend the horse trainer says, if the horse goes the wrong way, you first just step a little in their way, make the go around you. Then block their way. Then wave your arms. Then use the rope to reach out to touch them. Then apply pressure to their butt with it. At every step, if they yield to you in the slightest, instantly remove the pressure- making the right choice easier than the wrong one.
Wives – how easy are you making it for your husband to fulfill his God given role in your home, fully realizing that if he did that, you would be loved sacrificially with all he has? What have you got to lose?
I don’t know what you mean by “treated like a king”. If you mean would I want DW to be subservient and treat me with adulation, then no, I wouldn’t want that. It would make me feel uncomfortable and it would not feel right. I am a fallible human being.
But of course by being married, you could say, I am the king and she is the queen in our little personal kingdom.
@ Brynna – In a general discussion of this topic yesterday (though I did not reveal the source or reason), my DW made a very salient comment – “people will always meet your expectations, no matter how LOW they are.” Before that she made the comparison to parents/teachers and children. If you treat a child in a certain way, they will mold themselves to fit how you treat them. If you treat them with high expectations, they will generally strive to meet them. If you don’t expect much from them, they won’t give you much in return. This illustrates what I am trying to form here. To put it into your saying, I’d change it a little: “If you don’t treat your husband like a king, he will not treat you like a queen.” I think the negative form of the concept is more likely to happen. The positive form takes faith. It’s basically just another way to state the golden rule, but a little more specific.
One thing that has not been stated in this discussion is how a king is respected. If you ask most any husband, they will agree that respect is a big thing. And it is scripturally mandated for wives to respect their husbands. Respect them like a king? Well, you can take that however you want, but respect them all the same. You treat a man disrespectfully long enough, and we will become a disrespectful man.
If he is treated like the old kings of France, then he could have courtier’s change his clothes, bring him his chamber pot and do everything for him. They made a big deal about the dressing ceremony for the king and queen. Nobleman would all hope to get some really important position like helping dress the king or be responsible for his chamber pot so they could get a chance to talk to him about their concerns. But it sounds pretty awful living like that as a king.
As LBD said, for Christian husbands, being a king is not optional, it is a requirement of the job. And the model of kingship for husbands is Christ. As it says in Ephesians 5, husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
One of my favorite books of all time (besides the Bible) is the Lord of the Rings. Aragorn is an exemplar of how a king should act. He was the rightful king of Gondor, but instead of sitting in a place of honor while waiting for Frodo to complete his mission, he jumped into the thick of things and fought side-by-side with the good forces of Middle Earth as they strove to defeat the Dark Lord (Sauron). He did not hesitate to do whatever it took (including walking through ‘The Paths of the Dead’) to win the war. Even after their victory at The Battle of the Pelannor Fields Aragorn did not enter Minas Tirith (the Capitol of his Kingdom) as a conquering hero, but entered anonymously to heal some of those injured in the battle.
And, as One_Woman_Man said, the kingship of a husband is not something to take on lightly and is primarily concerned with being a servant to his wife and family.
That being said, I do enjoy it when my wife treats me with special meals, gifts, etc, and I am lucky in that my DW does things like this for me frequently.