If you could instantly change one thing about your sexuality, what would it be, and why?
This could be about your desire, your physical capabilities, your techniques, your actual physical body, etc.
This is also about YOU, not changing your spouse.
Follow up question…. Is there anything that can be done to make these changes possible over time, even if it can’t be an “instant” change?
I think it would be fun to have a spontaneous desire, versus a responsive one. But just for a limited time, LOL.
Another one would be to be 100% relaxed, masturbating for DH. He loves the idea, and I’m working on being completely uninhibited!
I would want a little higher natural drive. Not higher than my husbands, but enough that it would take away the internal wrestling I have to always fight, and that would actually make me desire and even crave sex so that my husband and I could be on the same page sexually and just enjoy each other. It would also make the experience more fulfilling because I wouldn’t have to fight to focus, but it would naturally be where my attention is.
I would want to last longer than 30 seconds. While we’ve made peace about it and do things in ways that are enjoyable to us both, I’d love to be able to enjoy intercourse for a longer period of time.
As for solutions, we’ve tried them all, except an SSRI, which I’m not interested in the potential other side effects. So we’ll keep doing what we do and enjoying it lots!
I would give myself the ability to achieve enough muscle tension to O in the morning.
This is actually something I have been thinking about recently. I have been going on the assumption that DH is lower drive than he used to be because he is so often too tired at night (where before, with the same lifestyle, he would choose sex over sleep.) I have come to wonder if his drive may have simply shifted time of day, because he is so awake and perky in the morning that he can be down-right obnoxious to this so-not-a-morning-person girl. He seldom initiates sex in the morning because he “knows” I cannot O, but what if that is a faulty assumption? What if I simply need to change something in my sleep habits to rest longer (earlier!) or deeper, or have some sort of wake up routine/exercise that would get my body ready for full participation? I could be unfairly denying him by claiming a physiological inevitability when it is simply a preference for sleeping in. I have already decided to look into this more in the coming year.
I would want it to feel good for dh to go right to what he calls the “fun areas” so they would like to be touched right away and it would feel good instead of jarring for me, I would also want it to be easier for me to orgasm, not that I’d want it to come more quickly but easier, for it not to require lots of focus or “effort,” I would also want to enjoy giving oral sex to dh more than I do. That’s a run on sentence because I was trying to squeeze a lot into my “one” thing lol.
In terms of the first two I really don’t think there is much I can do to change them on my own but I probably can work on the third thing buy working on reframing my thoughts, making changes to how we do it, etc.