If you could instantly change one thing about your sexuality, what would it be, and why?

    This could be about your desire, your physical capabilities, your techniques, your actual physical body, etc.

    This is also about YOU, not changing your spouse.

     

    Follow up question…. Is there anything that can be done to make these changes possible over time, even if it can’t be an “instant” change?

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    13 Answer(s)

      I think it would be fun to have a spontaneous desire, versus a responsive one. But just for a limited time, LOL.

      Another one would be to be 100% relaxed, masturbating for DH. He loves the idea, and I’m working on being completely uninhibited!

      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on December 23, 2019.
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        I would want the ability to have a second and even third orgasm on occasion.

        On the floor Answered on December 23, 2019.
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          One thing would be to have the ability to have multiple orgasms in one session. It would be fun to be able to at least get close to having as many as DW 😀

          Under the stars Answered on December 23, 2019.
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            I would want a little higher natural drive. Not higher than my husbands, but enough that it would take away the internal wrestling I have to always fight, and that would actually make me desire and even crave sex so that my husband and I could be on the same page sexually and just enjoy each other. It would also make the experience more fulfilling because I wouldn’t have to fight to focus, but it would naturally be where my attention is.

            Under the stars Answered on December 23, 2019.
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              I would want to last longer than 30 seconds. While we’ve made peace about it and do things in ways that are enjoyable to us both, I’d love to be able to enjoy intercourse for a longer period of time.

              As for solutions, we’ve tried them all, except an SSRI, which I’m not interested in the potential other side effects. So we’ll keep doing what we do and enjoying it lots!

              California King Answered on December 23, 2019.

              Being able to go for a long time is not always what it’s cracked up to be. I used to be pretty quick on the trigger and always thought our sex life and my wife’s enjoyment would be better if I could go longer. That’s the meessage we all see in porn and hear about, even on helpful places like this. Didn’t actually work out that way for us. Now that I’m older and sometimes can last awhile I’ve discovered she doesn’t really enjoy it. My wife apparently can’t get there from only sex, so what happens is she gets bored or even uncomfortable from extended sex. When she starts looking bored I can’t get there at all. That really frustrates us both, but especially her. She finds regular intercourse enjoyable for only a couple of minutes after her manual O, so that’s what we shoot for.

              on December 23, 2019.

              At one point my husband was put on medication that made him last too long.  Yes I guess that sounds impossible. No it wasn’t see your doctor if your erection lasts for 6 hours long. But it was long enough that fatigue would set in before climax.

              But reaching that point where both partners can achieve the pleasure they want is the ideal.

              After the medicine he just decided that as long as he pleasured me before PIV that we both kind of liked him cuming quickly.

              on December 24, 2019.
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                That intense moment of ejaculation I would love to have that moment carry on for like a minute or two. I can make the pleasure stick around for a bit but not that intensity.

                Queen bed Answered on December 23, 2019.
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                  I would give myself the ability to achieve enough muscle tension to O in the morning.

                  This is actually something I have been thinking about recently. I have been going on the assumption that DH is lower drive than he used to be because he is so often too tired at night (where before, with the same lifestyle, he would choose sex over sleep.) I have come to wonder if his drive may have simply shifted time of day, because he is so awake and perky in the morning that he can be down-right obnoxious to this so-not-a-morning-person girl. He seldom initiates sex in the morning because he “knows” I cannot O, but what if that is a faulty assumption? What if I simply need to change something in my sleep habits to rest longer (earlier!) or deeper, or have some sort of wake up routine/exercise that would get my body ready for full participation? I could be unfairly denying him by claiming a physiological inevitability when it is simply a preference for sleeping in. I have already decided to look into this more in the coming year.

                  Under the stars Answered on December 23, 2019.

                  Interesting. Does anyone know if this kind of experience is common (not being able to O at certain times of the day). We’ve never tried to get that for DW in the morning…maybe we should experiment during my time off this Christmas. 😈 (I hope Zelda reads this comment too!)

                  -Scott

                  on December 23, 2019.

                  My first thought was, “Maybe the morning is when your (Duchess) “responsive desire” is at work.”  See if your husband beginning some slow foreplay doesn’t awaken that desire in you and let your “non-morningness” fade away.  I am not a morning person either, so I know the struggle.  Many times, morning sex actually is more pleasurable to me, similar to a back rub…. I believe it’s because the muscles are relaxed and “fresh” so there hasn’t been an over-stimulation to them from the day, so the first moments of stimulation are an “ahhh” moment.  Also, if it begins before my mind has started my “to do” list for the day, my mind is clearer and easier to focus, which means easier to O.

                  on December 23, 2019.

                  Actually he does invest a lot of slow foreplay and I do enjoy the sensuous pleasure of it and even get really turned on, but there always comes a certain point when I begin to reach for the O and just can’t seem to get there. I end up frustrated, sweaty, exhausted and irritated. But. I’m definitely going to look into what I can change about this.

                  on December 23, 2019.
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                    changes in physical body?. I’m an average guy. I wish I was 7 or 8 inches…

                    Queen bed Answered on December 23, 2019.
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                      I would want the exact opposite of SC…I’d want a lower drive. I think I can focus way to much on it, and I know it annoys my wife…

                      I think the only thing that could be done is through Prayer that God changes my heart attitude towards sex.

                      On the floor Answered on December 23, 2019.
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                        I would want it to feel good for dh to go right to what he calls the “fun areas” so they would like to be touched right away and it would feel good instead of jarring for me, I would also want it to be easier for me to orgasm,  not that I’d want it to come more quickly  but easier, for it not to require lots of focus or “effort,” I would also want to enjoy giving oral sex to dh more than I do.   That’s a run on sentence because I was trying to squeeze a lot into my “one” thing lol.

                        In terms of the first two I really don’t think there is much I can do to change them on my own but I probably can work on the third thing buy working on reframing my thoughts, making changes to how we do it, etc. 

                        On the floor Answered on December 23, 2019.
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