If your spouse asked….

    “Can you tell me one thing I can do to become a better lover to you?”

    ….what would your answer be?

     

    Here’s a challenge: go and ask your spouse this question. How did they respond? Did they give you an answer? Were there any surprises?

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    13 Answer(s)

      My answer would be:  to treat my vulva more like an ice cream cone during OS. Delicate licks at the edges to catch the early drips; long swirling licks over and over, that get a little closer to the core each time; eventually he would put his lips over that last little bit and suck until eventually he might nibble gently on the cone. Ice cream cone.

      Now who’s  going for ice cream today? ;D

      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on October 18, 2019.

      Someone is specific!! LOL!

      on October 18, 2019.

      Specificity helps a ton for me! We still have so much to learn. General information is good because it points me in the right direction. . But step by step instructions get us to a better destination much faster!

      on October 18, 2019.
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        My Answer would be…INITIATE!

        Her answer: (No surprise…I probably could have answered FOR her)

        “meet my emotional needs”

        California King Answered on October 18, 2019.

        Did you follow up with asking her to give one practical way to do that?

        on October 18, 2019.

        At the moment…No…It probably wasn’t the best time to ask the question, but you told me I had to! LOL

        She is starting a job and she hasn’t worked in 20 yrs, so she’s all stressed and full of anxiety about it…It’s not going her way, so she’s already to quit before she’s started.

        But I will wait until she’s “officially” working and not training and whatever else and follow up.

         

        on October 18, 2019.
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          My preference would be for her to alternate between my “boys” and my shaft when performing oral sex on me.

          Queen bed Answered on October 18, 2019.
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            If my hubby asked me, I’d first ask if he was ok or planning to die soon. Once he could assure me everything was fine, I would tell him that physically, he does everything right. I just would like him to completely let down his guards and be there for me emotionally.

            I asked him. As usual, I knew what his answer would be. It was this – I am stressed to the max right now and can’t even think about that.

            California King Answered on October 18, 2019.
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              I asked my husband and after a moment’s thought he said “no, nothing – you do everything perfectly already. You do whatever I want to do.”

              Hammock Answered on October 18, 2019.
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                I think I found my answer… don’t be in such a rush, come to bed earlier so that we have more time to connect in other ways before jumping to sex.

                His answer was not a surprise at all, it was “let me lead us to new (or rarely visited) places/things.”

                Under the stars Answered on October 18, 2019.
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                  What a great question, and I looked forward to asking Mrs. Oldbear. Her response didn’t surprise me, although I admit I wish it had been more challenging. She simply smiled and replied, “You’re a wonderful lover!”

                  Fell out of ... Answered on October 18, 2019.

                  Share with us what YOUR answer would be to this question if she were to ask you.

                  on October 18, 2019.

                  Oh, I didn’t realize this was two-way question. Hmmm. My dear Mrs. Oldbear is a very generous lover, so I’m hard pressed to think of something(s) that would make her an even better lover to me. We are very comfortable in sharing our desires, trying things, etc. – no inhibitions. We flirt a lot, whisper sweet nothings, hug, cuddle, kiss, touch, feel each other up frequently.

                  Mrs. Oldbear is classy about being sexy. Once in awhile she’ll surprise me like saying, “Do you want to JO for me?” Perhaps little surprises would be tantalizing, such as texting me a provocative selfie when I’m traveling or wearing a flimsy cloth tee around the house on a Saturday or giving me a show as she takes care of herself in her bubble bath (telling me ‘hands-off until later when she is in control).

                  Would she do these things – perhaps if I asked. She might demure and yet surprise me weeks, months later. In any case she’d be classy, sexy about it.

                  on October 18, 2019.
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                    I would say flirt more, build up to it more, initiate more physical touch in non erogenous zones (playing with my hair, stroking my arm, seeking me out for hugs, especially in public).

                     

                    Fell out of ... Answered on October 18, 2019.
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                      Oh yeah, I forgot the other half of the question. I would probably say something similar to what Duchess posted, but there are a few other things he could improve on.

                      Hammock Answered on October 18, 2019.
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                        My answer would be something along the lines of “Show more enthusiasm and desire for being with me, not just sexually, but in everything.”

                        I asked DW the question, and her response was something along the lines of “If you’d asked me several months ago, I’d have said to not wait until bedtime to initiate. But now, I don’t really have an answer.” Only surprise I had from that is she had an answer for the past. She is deeply responsive drive and probably very low libido currently, so she never thinks about these things…so I was expecting nothing at all!

                        King bed Answered on October 18, 2019.

                        Does she not have an answer because you made changes in that area?

                        on October 18, 2019.

                        Yes, I finally learned about responsive drive and how it should be primed ahead of time. Part of a total overhaul on our marriage starting last summer. Will probably eventually write a wall of text about it in the “Introduce Yourself” section at some point…

                        But I really think she’d have another answer (or more than 1) if she thought about it. She just doesn’t think about sex nearly as much as I do.

                        on October 18, 2019.

                        As I mentioned elsewhere, answering this question was very hard for me.  First, my husband does a lot right, so it’s hard to think about anything he could do much different.  Second, it does take some deep thought on what I might actually need.  There’s some great complexity in a woman and her body and her relationships.  There’s so many factors at play, it’s hard to pinpoint an issue.  Especially when one time it works, and the next time it doesn’t.

                        on October 19, 2019.

                        Thanks for the feedback SC. I think I will bring up the question with my wife a second time, this time just asking her to keep it in mind and let me know if she eventually thinks of something.

                        on October 21, 2019.
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