If your spouse asked….

    “Can you tell me one thing I can do to become a better lover to you?”

    ….what would your answer be?


    Here’s a challenge: go and ask your spouse this question. How did they respond? Did they give you an answer? Were there any surprises?

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    13 Answer(s)

      My answer would be something along the lines of “Show more enthusiasm and desire for being with me, not just sexually, but in everything.”

      I asked DW the question, and her response was something along the lines of “If you’d asked me several months ago, I’d have said to not wait until bedtime to initiate. But now, I don’t really have an answer.” Only surprise I had from that is she had an answer for the past. She is deeply responsive drive and probably very low libido currently, so she never thinks about these things…so I was expecting nothing at all!

      Under the stars Answered on October 18, 2019.

      Does she not have an answer because you made changes in that area?

      on October 18, 2019.

      Yes, I finally learned about responsive drive and how it should be primed ahead of time. Part of a total overhaul on our marriage starting last summer. Will probably eventually write a wall of text about it in the “Introduce Yourself” section at some point…

      But I really think she’d have another answer (or more than 1) if she thought about it. She just doesn’t think about sex nearly as much as I do.

      on October 18, 2019.

      As I mentioned elsewhere, answering this question was very hard for me.  First, my husband does a lot right, so it’s hard to think about anything he could do much different.  Second, it does take some deep thought on what I might actually need.  There’s some great complexity in a woman and her body and her relationships.  There’s so many factors at play, it’s hard to pinpoint an issue.  Especially when one time it works, and the next time it doesn’t.

      on October 19, 2019.

      Thanks for the feedback SC. I think I will bring up the question with my wife a second time, this time just asking her to keep it in mind and let me know if she eventually thinks of something.

      on October 21, 2019.
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        Take your time.  It’s not a race.

        Queen bed Answered on October 18, 2019.
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          I would ask her to be more open to both giving and receiving OS. At present, she does not give OS and has a difficult time receiving.

          If I asked her how I could be a better lover, she would probably ask me for more pre-sex cuddling, massages, etc. I will ask her this morning before we ML!

          On the floor Answered on October 19, 2019.
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