Insecurity about toy use
Any suggestions on helping a husband get over feeling insecure about a wife wanting to use a We-Vibe to make sex more enjoyable? I’ve tried explaining that my equipment is getting older just like his and doesn’t work as well as it used to. He says he understands but admits he still feels somewhat insecure about it.
I think involving him in the process would be good. Let him use it on you and let him see what kind of pleasure he can give you with it. I guess I get a guy feeling kind of insecure about it, but if it were my wife I’d tell her to have at it and enjoy herself–and make sure to let me watch! LOL
Building him up as the person you sexually desire and who arouses you might help him get over his insecurity.
Perhaps you could emphasize how much he arouses you (so much that you really need to have a release) or point out that you prefer to have an orgasm while he is inside you (as opposed to him using his hands or mouth).
I am sure you have said this, but I would make sure your husband knows the purpose of the toy is to enhance the quality of lovemaking for both of you. My wife also needs the help of a toy to get warmed up, and in addition to providing her with more pleasure, her greater arousal makes PIV intercourse better for me as well!
It’s also a great idea to involve your husband while using a toy. We tried the We Vibe, but found it difficult to use. We mainly use wand-style toys and the eroscillator, and when my wife is warming herself up I am usually massaging her butt, back, etc. She finds this touching enhances her pleasure, and it is certainly a turn-on for me! In fact, I fully embraced the use of toys once I understood that this was really the only way she could reliably enjoy sex. Good luck.
You might encourage him to think of it as a tool (or a power tool) that is used to help get a job done. Sure, you can build something with a rock and nails, but a hammer sure helps! A powered screwdriver helps even more.
There’s nothing inherently threatening about toys in bed. It’s just the false belief that “needing” a toy somehow implies a lack of skill or expertise. Or that one is not “good” enough.
Do those same arguments hold when discussing a hammer or powered screwdriver? Of course not. One is not a “lesser” man or woman if one uses a hammer instead of a rock. In fact, it’s smarter to use a tool if the right one makes a job easier or faster or of a higher quality finish.
It’s the same for toy (tools) in bed.
I will try that. I specifically picked this one because it’s designed to be used together during intercourse, but it did nothing for him when we tried it. Honestly, I was concerned to be too enthusiastic about it because with him already being insecure about it, I didn’t want to make things worse. I know I’m not responsible for his feelings and yet it can be hard for men to perform when they’re concerned about their performance. A bit of a catch 22. 🙁
We have the opposite challenge. Mrs. Oldbear is not inclined to re-introduce toys into our MB. [We incorporated toy play earlier in our marriage.] She’s shy/sensitive about her privacy – cleaning crew, etc. Our spirit is very willing though our flesh is weaker in our senior years. (: Our intimacy is delightful even though her orgasms are harder to reach and not as powerful in her younger years.
I’m keen to hear suggestions that would work for us as well as HWA’s situation.