Hi! I’ve just joined the forum, and wanted to introduce myself.
You can call me Eyes Above the Storm. The name I have chosen refers to my desire to keep my eyes on Christ in every situation (See Matthew 14:25-32).
Here are some brief facts about me:
Marital status: Married to my best friend for the last few years
Place I call home: West Coast of the USA
Why I’m here:
To gain wisdom. My wife and I have a great relationship, but I believe it can be even better.
This is my wife’s second, but my first. We met a bit later than most couples we know, and I feel I have been learning a lot as I go. I am here in this forum to learn as much as I can about what it means to be a godly and attentive husband.
Also, to give you a good picture of our relationship dynamic, we met online and were fast friends from the very start, but the physical attraction between us was not especially strong or intense. We talked this over together and noted that in spite of a lack of initial intense physical feelings, our love, however, was (and is) very real. To this day, the friendship/understanding/companionship side of our marriage has always been amazing. My biggest prayer for our marriage is that we’d be able to cultivate a passionate physical attraction and relationship between us to compliment the rich companionship we already share.
Something else you should know:
Although I never dated anyone before my wife, when I was a younger man I struggled with the sin of pornography. Growing up, I was always attracted to women but very shy. My particular “type” was extremely busty, exotic-looking women (for example, platinum blonde, or else Asians — basically the type of girls you’d see on the beach out on the West Coast) and I fed this fleshly lust with pornography use. Sadly, even though God freed me long before my wife and I met, I entered into my wedding night already quite jaded about the female body and I had a near impossible time getting aroused at my brown haired, freckled, overweight, average-busted wife, as I had grown up fantasizing about more “exotic” women, whether I saw them at the pool, the beach, or on websites I shouldn’t have been going to. This distress over my disappointing wedding night is something that has hung over me psychologically. I am currently working to overcome that initial disappointment and find the way forward into a new awakening and appreciation of my wife’s body and of the sexual relationship we share.
Eyes Above The Storm
On the subject of porn; I struggle with it too but mostly I do not visit porn sites as I did in the past. The damage done from porn is real and the consequences are also real.
My advice; just avoid porn and avoid looking at other women. Get into her female body and the stimulation to your brain will come along. avoid thinking of past porn images. Try and enjoy other stimulants like good food, sunshine and fast cars, etc. The sexual engine will come along within you.