Is it time to say good bye?
If anyone feels that a poster has stepped over a line, please PM me about it rather than calling them out and saying so on the boards. As TMB Czar, it’s my job (along with other moderators) to deal with such things. The set up of the new boards lends itself to much less moderation than in the past, but there are still “watchers” here who are tasked with helping keep the boards running smoothly.
TMB Board Czar
I may be wrong, but it does seem as though your posts aren’t inspired by a desire to learn, or share. They don’t appear to have any rhyme or reason to them, just a desire to be titillated with people’s sexual experiences, and details about genitals.
I get a weird vibe. But perhaps I’m in the minority.
@Sam, here is my advice as a sister in Christ. You have said you are here to learn, and there is no reason for me to not give you the benefit of the doubt, and I personally believe all of us here should give this benefit of the doubt. I think this a great opportunity to for you to learn. As you may see, there are different levels of sensibilities, some find things off, others have no problem.
My advice, change how you ask your questions. Share a little more of why you are asking and why you want to know. What made a particular question come to your mind? That will give others, especially those who have questioned your intent, a little more understanding of where you are coming from. If you want a fellow brother to share an opinion on how a particular question is asked and to see if there is a way that might seem less offensive, run your question by them first via PM. You can see several guys on here who have not been offended and who may be willing to walk beside you as you learn.
Of course, you can always discard this and continue as you have, or not continue at all…it really is your choice.
I would suggest, Sam, placing context in your questions.
For example, your thread about seeing genitals before marriage caught me off-guard and bothered me. If you would have made a context on why you were asking this question would have alleviated any misunderstanding.
I have assumed a cultural gap as well.
These new boards are set up to ask questions, with far less rules than the old TMB. Which you are doing. I think some of us old-timers carry over the old standards.
I appreciate the guys who have shared some concern, because I see a protective nature in them. What would it say of them to be concerned and then stand by silently?
Just as you have the right to ask certain questions, every single one of us has the choice on whether we answer them or not. I have opted to answer some, and not to answer ones I am uncomfortable with, for different reasons.
As this thread seems to be a direct response to one of my comments on another thread, I feel I ought to respond.
I expressed concern because there seems to be a pattern of asking questions without providing any context or explanation as to the motivation behind the questions. In a couple of cases, I responded with “why do you want to know?” and received no reply. As others have said, some of the questions are asked in a way that appears titillating, and it made me feel uncomfortable. This site is supposed to be a safe space for Christians to share and to help each other in the area of marriage and sex, and for the most part it is, but it will only remain helpful if people feel comfortable sharing openly and I felt that I should voice my concerns. I find it a really helpful resource, and I hope others do too, but I feel that there are some things that are best kept private.
To answer the questions in the original post.
I don’t find your posts offensive
The way that some of your questions are asked makes it hard to tell whether you are seeking to learn, and to be a better husband, or looking for titillation. If it’s the former, that’s perfectly appropriate, if the latter, then it’s inappropriate.
If, as you say, your motives are pure, then I don’t think you should stop posting. However, I think it would be helpful to share a bit more about yourself and to explain why you are asking when you ask questions.
If you’re here with right motives, then I think you should stay.
@Dale. Thanks for your post. Would it be possible to have a slightly more visible “flag to moderators” option on posts? It might make it easier to raise concerns privately in future.