Is oral sex OK?
I’m thinking back to the question that was on my mind when I first discovered TMB, back in 2005. Is it completely acceptable for married Christian couples to engage in oral sex? Are there any biblical reasons for refraining?
I think it is acceptable for married Christian couples to enjoy oral sex together. In fact, some verses in Song of Songs seem to refer to oral sex.
However, I do think there are biblical reasons for specific couples to refrain from oral sex. What is loving and right for one couple may be quite unloving–and, therefore, wrong–for another couple.
Biblical principles of loving, selflessness, and intimacy might look different in different marriages.
If a woman was sexually abused as a child in a way that involved oral sex, it is probably best to avoid oral sex (at least until she has sought treatment and worked with a counselor to discuss if and how oral sex could be added). If either spouse has used pornography and as a result sometimes struggles to be fully present and engaged during sex, that couple might find that intimacy requires them to have their faces close together.
When we first married, 25 years ago, I was uncomfortable with OS. DH craved for me to do that for him and I often felt disappointed that he seemed to like it better than “real” sex. When he did it for me, I could not let go of my embarrassed discomfort enough to enjoy it. Out of love for him, I continued to do it for him and tolerate when he was in the mood to do it for me, saying “I’d rather not” on few occasions when I just really wanted what I wanted. One day I discovered that the more enthusiastic I got about building his pleasure in this way, the more aroused I became. I made a game of seeing how aroused I could get him before he lost control and I began to actually enjoy bringing him completely to release without him ever doing anything much to me. (Allowing him to finish in my mouth, and later, swallowing the ejaculate took a while longer, but the gratification he showed as I kept pushing my boundaries was worth it.) Then one day it occurred to me that he might feel the same way (I think a scene from the Hero’s point of view in a Regency Romance novel helped me to picture this strange possibility!) Finally I realized that when he did that for me, I liked it very very much!
This is not to say that one should always just give in and do what the spouse wants, no matter what. It’s just my experience in reaping the rewards of attempting selfless love. It is worth trying.