is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

    Hi,

    I am not single or divorced but i’m very likely divorcing and have been separated from my transgender spouse for over 7 months now… so basically like i’m single. i haven’t had sex in almost a year.,, and don’t think i ever will with my spouse again

     

    what is your opinion of porn once in a while for single people. i was never into it before, but sometimes i kinda need something, and it’s not fun to masturbate to nothing , and it would be more hurtful to think about my spouse bc his body has changed so much… i have a few porn sites i go on every so often. i’m not addicted, maybe watch it a few times a month or so…

     

    do you think this is necessarily a problem for a person who is divorcing and probably won’t find anyone else for a long time (not looking and will need a lot of time to heal from this)?  what’s a person in my situation to do?  i don’t want to sin or cause problems if i do remarry in the future. .. but not sure if i can go the next many years perhaps with nothing.

    Thanks

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    10 Answer(s)

      It’s not right.
      I firmly believe that it’s sin.

      You would be lusting what you are watching.
      If it makes you feel turned on, it’s sin.
      Naked bodies engaged in sex that isn’t you + your spouse = sin.

      I’d just put on some Donna Summer Love to Love You Baby….lol, that’s audio porn maybe, but I think it isn’t technically sin.
      Visual images are.

      Sorry for your circumstances.

      Take care of yourself the best you can, but no porn dear.

      But I am pretty sure that you already knew that.

      Queen bed Answered on June 12, 2020.

      yeah… maybe stories without an image or something… sometimes i need a distraction from everything 🙁

      on June 12, 2020.

      i find it hard to orgasm without the images but i guess i can pray for what would be God honoring in this situation… so much that isn’t black and white here… but who knows maybe porn contributed to my spouses issue i hear for some trans people porn can trigger things (i’m def not trans lol for my spouse)… so yeah probably not good to repeat the same sin as he did… he had a porn problem in our early marriage to the point he couldn’t function sexually very well… then he came out as bi… then trans.

      on June 12, 2020.
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        Yes, agree with the answer, porn is sin.  I also believe viewing it distorts our sexuality.  It changes the way we view people, and it feeds unrealistic expectations about sex.  It also shifts the focus of sex from love and connection to just physical and consuming.

        I’m sorry you are in such a hard situation.  I do believe masturbation for singles is not a sin.  If you are having a hard time orgasming, maybe you can switch from just trying to get an orgasm to exploring your body and finding new levels of pleasure.  Tantric sex can be a subject overloading with sinful stuff, but there is also a movement within it for a woman to learn to love her body and explore it without porn, or a partner…and is supposed to be a path to even deeper pleasure.

        On the floor Answered on June 12, 2020.
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          Hi Bunny. Thanks for asking us for advice. I recognize that your situation is unique and very challenging. By sharing with us, you are helping us understand and learn things that we typically don’t deal with. Thank you for your openness.

          You are right. Your former husband’s exposure to porn probably contributed to a series of bad things.  So, for that reason and other reasons which previous posts have mentioned, I would advise strongly against viewing it.

          I want to urge you to remain sexually pure in your mind, heart, and body.  That would mean not having sex with anyone. It would be a bit like starting over again as a virgin. Then, someday,  if God would lead you to a wonderful man of God who would become your DH, you would again be sexually active after you marry.

          As others have mentioned, I feel it is fine for you to take care of yourself as long as you can do it without lusting, it doesn’t become addictive, or lead you to sin in other ways.

          May God give you grace, strength, and wisdom. May you also learn to experience godly sexually in your situation – even as the rest of us seek to do so in our realities. Again, there will  be things for us to learn from your example, as you move forward.

          Under the stars Answered on June 12, 2020.
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            I’m really sorry and saddened by your situation. It is not God’s design for you or marriage. Unfortunately, sometimes our spouses make choices of sin beyond our own control.  I was also a victim of my previous wife’s choices. She chose to live a double live while working on the road and when I made the discoveries and confronted her, she quickly filed for divorce and left nearly 17 years of marriage and 19 years of ministry together.

            Porn is a 2D image the rewires the brain to respond to visual stimulation but not a real person and the longer one uses it, the more one is desensitized to it which means the fix has to be greater to get a greater high. It does what Wheat48 says and shifts the focus to make sex a physical act/urge and removed emotional love and connection with a spouse.

            EDIT: *not

            Under the stars Answered on June 12, 2020.

            I think nwnl left out a “not” in his second sentence.

            Not being the grammar police, but that one changes the meaning. 🙂

            on June 12, 2020.

            Thx

             

            on June 13, 2020.
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              Porn does have a negative effect. It takes time to heal from these effects, but I think if you do repent of this with God’s help, you will find it easier to orgasm without it as more time passes.

              Fell out of ... Answered on June 12, 2020.
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                There is a comment in this thread that is very interesting: “that’s audio porn maybe, but I think it isn’t technically sin. Visual images are.

                I think that images, audio and even text: in the end will end up as electrical signals in our brain.  Images, audio or text will be just the mean, but the result in the brain I think will be the same.

                Many times I wonder if the “detailed accounts/stories” shared in this forums, and the images they create in the “mind of the reader” can be already considered sin.

                In the end: the non-avoidable effect is the mind of the reader (while reading detailed stories posted here) is, images of the “writer and his/her” spouse having sex. Is that a sin, to have in your mind images of other “real” people having sex?

                I am not judging anyone, just thinking out loud.

                C.

                That was me about audio porn.
                I was trying to think of a song afoxandabunny could listen to while M’ing that would help her feel sensual. And I thought of the Donna Summer song.
                And the as I wrote it, I wondered aloud if that could be a bit too far, kinda tongue in cheek, kind of an honest question.
                I mean Barry White is sensual, but not audio porn.
                That Donna Summer song…..well….I think that’s a real question.
                I can make a solid case for and against.

                Sorry for derailing the thread….

                on June 13, 2020.

                Totally agree about certain types of text and songs counting as porn. Same is true of spoken word.

                For instance, there is another “Christian” online source that I would certainly count as textual porn. There are many that don’t claim to be Christian as well obviously.

                Figuring out where the line is drawn is difficult. Others have recommended, and after some thought I agree, that the intent of the writer a key component. If the writer is intentionally being titillating and trying to arouse readers they are sinning.

                Now, there are well-meaning posters writing things that aren’t intentionally titillating but may cause some to be aroused. In that case, I think the onus is on the susceptible reader to avoid lusting/sinning on text that most do not find arousing.

                Does that sense?

                -Scott

                on June 13, 2020.
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                  Avoid porn at all costs.  You will be blessed for your celibacy when you find the right person down the road.

                  On the floor Answered on June 15, 2020.
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                    On this topic of porn… any opinions about CGI (Computer generated/animated images), they are not real people.

                     

                     

                    An image is an image. If your spouse can never be other people, then they can even more so never be a cgi I age that is always enhanced. It’s a just foolish justification.

                    on June 13, 2020.

                    Thanks for your post. I was not trying to justify anything, but just as I said. Thinking out loud.

                    I just wonder, why do we see mainly images as “porn”, but we seem to be soft or not concerned about audio or text; which in the end may have the same final effect in our minds brains.

                     

                    As -Scott mentioned in a previous reply: “Now, there are well-meaning posters writing things that aren’t intentionally titillating but may cause some to be aroused.“.

                    I wonder, how many here in TMB have felt aroused while reading some descriptive/detailed posts of sexual acts here in the forum.

                    Can some posts here fall under the category of “porn”, because of the images they create in our minds?

                     

                    on June 13, 2020.

                    There have been posts I have to avoid.

                    on June 13, 2020.
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                      Php 4:8-9. “Finally, brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

                      Where does porn fit in any of these peace bringing things?

                      On the floor Answered on June 13, 2020.
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                        Porn is idolatry. We all have idolatry in our lives but it is controlled and just different. Stimulation for the brain is what you’re after. Porn will entrap you.

                        Need woman to answer.

                        Hammock Answered on June 13, 2020.
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