Is sex incomplete if DW does not orgasm?

    As a spin off to a similar question… Mostly for husbands…

    How do you feel after a sex session if DW didn’t get to orgasm? Are you still satisfied or do you feel something is missing?

    It took quite some time after we got married before my DW had her first O. We tried our best, but I felt like a failure every time and I certainly didn’t feel satisfied.

    Now she O 90-95% of the time when we ML and I feel satisfied and complete afterwards. But those rare times she does not O I feel a lot less satisfied, the sex was incomplete and I feel bad. I have bad conscience for “using her” for my own pleasure, although we have had a very nice time and done our best to satisfy each other. I don’t feel as deeply connected to her as if she had O’d. I think she has right to have an O as much as I do.

    Do you have any suggestion how to handle these feelings?

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    12 Answer(s)

      My husband feels like a failure if I have multiple encounters in a row with no orgasm. Whether we like it or not, no matter how we want to put a spin on it, he still uses my orgasm, or lack thereof, the litmus test for his success.

      Under the stars Answered on August 19, 2019.
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        Is sex incomplete if DW does not orgasm?

        Only if you think it is.

        It seems to me that our own definitions (expectations) not only define what kind of experience we have but how much or little we enjoy them. So, how about broadening your definition of what complete is?

        On the floor Answered on August 26, 2019.
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          At our age, we cheer for each other when an O comes! It’s absolutely wonderful to O; more so for the other to O. Neither of us are discouraged or disappointed if the other one doesn’t O during a particular rendezvous. We never chalk it up to our failure to make the other O. Simply celebrate sex, however it comes or goes!

          Hammock Answered on September 12, 2019.
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            It’s great that you want the best for your wife. I understand exactly how you feel. Like most things in marriage, sex won’t always be equitable for us each time we make love and that’s okay.
            Sometimes she has 3 or 4 orgasms, while I focus on her first, and then I orgasm quickly when it’s my “turn.” Other times, I receive much more than she does.
            I used to think that her orgasm was a measure of how well I did during sex. Then I learned that orgasm, for her, wasn’t the true measure of her satisfaction level with sex. Have you asked her how she feels about it?

            Fell out of ... Answered on August 19, 2019.
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              By the way, when this has occurred she doesn’t feel used but rather feels that she served me by making me feel good.

              However, there are times she has enjoyed feeling used or taken. But that’s a different story. 😉

              Fell out of ... Answered on August 19, 2019.
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                I enjoy my wife’s orgasm more than my own.  Though she doesn’t think I’m serious when I tell her.  I don’t view it as a standard on how well I’m doing.  She has always been an O machine, with usually close to 10 times each ML session.  It’s just a lot of fun for me getting her to each O.

                Twin bed Answered on August 19, 2019.

                To answer the question, yes it would be incomplete.  In 31 years of marriage, I can’t remember one time when she didn’t O during PIV.  The only time she doesn’t O, is when she just want’s to “do” me whether by hand or OS.

                on August 20, 2019.
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                  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  She has an orgasm almost every time we ML (I think), and when she hasn’t had one and I have, she will either say it’s ok, we are finished with her as well, or will ask me for some additional attention, usually MS, so she can have one.

                  Even if she has had an O during foreplay, through MS or OS,  she still wants one from  PIV or if she doesn’t, will want MS following PIV so she can have an O.

                  Thus far, I have not been given the option of an O during foreplay or at any other time except during PIV, and I’d like some more variety.

                  As a direct answer to the question, as far as I am concerned, our LM session is not complete until she has an O, if that is what she desires, and I stand ready to perform as she requests, within my ability, to enable her to have one.  Then I am also satisfied.

                  Queen bed Answered on August 19, 2019.
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                    My DW is capable of multiples and can be really quick on the trigger, but she doesnt O every time, and she actually prefers it that way. We’ve had several talks about this, but, at least at this stage of our lives, she prefers frequent, short, hard and fast sessions, with occasional focus-on-her-O sessions.

                    Double bed Answered on August 19, 2019.

                    All that to say, no, we don’t require her climax to have a great, complete LM session.

                    on August 19, 2019.
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                      I really envy you guys whose wives O almost all of the time, with some with multiple Os…

                      My DW may  O every 4th or 5th session of LM but never more than once, and of those, maybe 2 by my MS of her clit during FP for every O from PIV.  As I have posted before, she is usually available but only for plain vanilla PIV (missionary and occasional Cowgirl when she is feeling “frisky”)…. never any OS either way nor any toys or vibrators.   She was raised in a very conservative home where sex was never discussed and PDAs limited to hugs and pecks on cheeks. When she Os from my MS she says she enjoys it but then becomes super sensitive and usually that’s the end of our LM for that session.

                      Several years ago I surprised her with a vibrator the ladies on this board gave high marks and she refused to even open the box, demanding that I return it for a refund.  I didn’t, hoping that she would reconsider but within a week or so it disappeared and AFAIK she has never used it nor any other vibrator or toy.  She is too inhibited to ever MB in front of me or for me to know she used a vibrator.   She says she enjoys watching my eyes “flutter” when I ejaculate and that she’s fine when she doesn’t O but while my O may relieve some sexual tension, they are not emotionally satisfying to me because I don’t feel intimately connected to her.   I appreciate that she thinks she’s doing her “wifely duty” without complaint and she actually believes we have a “better than average MB for our age” (65)    Obviously I don’t agree.

                      All this to say, YES,  sex is incomplete for me when DW doesn’t O.

                       

                      King bed Answered on August 20, 2019.
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                        DW orgasms almost 100% of the time. On the rare occasions when she doesn’t O (but wanted one) I do feel a bit disappointed that she didn’t get what she wanted but I don’t feel guilty or that sex was incomplete. As long as you did your best to bring your wife to an O there is no need to feel guilty.

                        Hammock Answered on August 20, 2019.
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