Is the love you proclaim for your spouse incongruent with how you behave sexually?
Here’s some good food for thought.
Whether one is a gatekeeper or one lusts after or flirts with another or one just treats sex as a duty , all are incongruent with married love. It poses some great questions about being careless while supposedly loving our spouse.
I’ll start with saying I see the heart of the message, and I do believe we should be self-reflective and always keeping a check to make sure we are aligned with Christ. Below is my own personal experience.
I can be self-reflective to a fault. I actually have to do the opposite at times and actually seek the truth through the Spirit, because all I will see is the negative and how I fall short and how I am not enough, which can easily put me in a striving position where I am robbed of rest and joy or enjoyment, on my way to betterment or “perfecting’. God’s grace is a marvelous thing!
The blog may say I am, “…. scrambling to defend the incongruency and paint it as way more inconsequential than it actually is.” But I have wrestled this with very topic, we could say for 7+ years, and though I absolutely know I am not always pure of heart, and my flesh does not always match my spirit, I know that the Lord does see the heart, and His grace and love covers where I fail during my process of sanctification.
I think one of the questions we must look at is “what is love?” If love is a choice and not just a feeling, fulfilling a duty, which is actually a Scriptural used word/instruction, can be a very loving thing to do. To say that to not like sex, or to apply some of my own current words and feelings, to have dread over it, is a sign of not loving….well, I could counter with an argument of, to use that reasoning seems also contrary to Scripture. If to like and enjoy something equates love, than the garden of Gethsemane only would show us that the Cross was not love at all. We know that Jesus focused on “the joy set before Him”. When a wife focuses on the joy that is a hope rather than a reality in the moment, knowing (not necessarily feeling) that there IS good in this, and that God has a purpose and IS working, even when we don’t see it or feel it, well, I believe that is covered in love. And if the other half of the equation is going off of the feeling of “not being loved”, it’s probably time for some self-reflection themselves, and a perspective change.
I think it’s more about a surrendered heart and spirit. Are we being moldable in the hands of the Potter, or are we trying to control and form ourselves to what we think we should look like? And our own molding can go either way….trying to justify bad behavior or trying to fit the mold another person claims to be right.
“If love is a choice and not just a feeling, fulfilling a duty, which is actually a Scriptural used word/instruction, can be a very loving thing to do.”
Absolutely. I find it interesting though when a married spouse will on occasion say, “we’re best friends…so in love…have a great marriage” and they’re not having sex OR another is refusing to deal with a lust or porn problem. Please note, I didn’t say struggle with any of these issues. I’m talking about professing love but not making a choice to confront problem areas because of professed love. We regularly see these issues discussed by people on TMB or about their spouses.