Is there a link between weight and sexual drives?

    I know this can be a very sensitve subject and I honestly mean no offense to anyone….trust me, it’s sensitive for me too. And I hope every one who answers, will work at being loving and sensitve as well.

    I ask this because I have been a part of several marriage groups on FB, where I can see photos, and I read about the topic of sex, plus other experiences in life, it seems that I see a trend.

    Are there certain medical conditions that can lead to a higher or lower sex drive, that also may be linked to weight?  Does it all come down to hormone imbalances?

    For example, I know that there seems to be a connection with low T/high estrogen in men and being overweight.  I also know that PCOS can throw off hormones in women.


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      PCOS increases androgens (male hormones including testosterone) in the female body. I always felt this explained why I suffered (and as a Christian girl determined to delay sex until marriage, I do mean suffered!) almost constant arousal throughout my teen years. I mean, I know it runs high for everyone, but seriously, I had issues. When I was finally diagnosed with PCOS, I was prescribed metformin, which did great things for my health (lost 30 lbs without even realizing it had happened, much less trying), but tanked my drive. Enough that I debated whether treating the PCOS was worth it, especially after we finally had our daughter. (Ultimately I continued treatment.) I weigh even less now, but still enough that every time I have a health problem, the doctors always say, “Well, there’s your weight…” (I like to remind them that skinny people get sick too, and I have neither hypertension, heart disease, nor diabetes. And my sex drive, even after my total hysterectomy and salpin-something-or-other-oopherectomy, is still sky-high.

      So in my experience, yes hormones have a large effect on sex drive, but not always predictably. And weight may well statistically have certain reasonably predictable effects on the body, but it’s not guaranteed.

      One thing that should always be considered when thinking about weight and sex:  sex burns a lot of calories and uses a lot of muscles. I always thought a great weight loss plan would be: every time you’re hungry, have sex instead. 😀

      Under the stars Answered on October 9, 2019.
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        There is no question that obesity increases estrogen levels and lowers testosterone levels, both of which weaken sex drive.

        Queen bed Answered on October 9, 2019.

        Just to say, the higher my estrogen levels, the better my sex drive

        on October 9, 2019.
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          When I was at my peak weight (big as a house LOL), that’s also when my sex drive spiked, so in my case my drive was not related to my (over)weight at all.  My husband, however, had low T which made his weight go up, and also made his drive go almost away.  I don’t think that’s weight-related though, more testosterone-related.

          Also, my daughter has had PCOS most of her adult life, but her sex drive has always been quite high.

          Hammock Answered on October 9, 2019.
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            On average, people with a body mass index in the “normal” category have higher sex drives than those who are overweight or obese. Exceptions always occur.

            Queen bed Answered on October 9, 2019.
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              Is this proven science?…I only ask because I don’t believe this is the case in my DW.

              I have never had a spike or drop in my desire over all depending on weight. I fluctuate 20 pounds depending on activity and season.

              My wife has lost about 25 pounds so far and is continuing. But I’ve noticed when she’s heavier, the psychological effects of being heavier tells her she’s not desirable and could care less…but as she loses more weight, her mind tells her the opposite…I don’t know, but that’s the way it seems to me.

              On the floor Answered on October 10, 2019.

              i don’t think it is, because look at all the responses saying it isn’t! 🙂

              on October 10, 2019.
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                All I can offer is anecdotal  evidence.  For me when we were married I was very thin not active or cardiovascularly healthy mind you but I was at a healthy/bordering on too light weight, (I’ve always had a slim build).  However hormonal birth control killed my drive.  When I finally went off it I got pregnant shortly after and pregnancy hormones made me very sick, hard to have a desire for anything when you are puking non stop.  After our first child my drive came back and I was really desiring and enjoying sex for the first time in a long time.   I gained around 30ish pounds with each pregnancy but lost most of the pregnancy weight fairly quickly with minimal effort (unless you count breast-feeding) between pregnancies.  However managed to retain a little bit of it, 5-10 pounds each time.

                By the time I gave birth to my 4th child the extra weight that stayed had really caught up to me, I weighed the same not pregnant as I did 9 months pregnant with my 1st.  I was 50 pound heavier than my weight before I had any kids.  On my small frame that was a lot.  I still had a healthy sex drive but a very unhealthy body image/self confidence.  I did not feel like myself and didn’t want my husband to see me naked at all.   This time period also coincided with my husband experiencing a big drop in his drive which we later figured out was due to low T.  He had gained a bit of weight but nothing shocking, he was up maybe 20 pounds from his weight when we got married.  For him I don’t think the weight affected his drive one way or another as he eventually went on testosterone and is still around the same weight but his drive is back to normal with good hormone levels.

                After my 4th child I got serious about diet and exercise,  I lost the 50 pounds and I’m now back down to my pre-kids weight.  Throughout that process I don’t think my drive or desire for sex went either up or down (other than my regular cycle highs and lows) but my stamina, strength and how I felt about myself definitely increased.  I feel much better in general, less headaches, sleep better, more energy, it had many benefits for me. I also no longer shirk from letting my husband see me naked (I still have insecurities, 4 pregnancies and nursing 4 babies has taken its toll in stretch marks and drooping) so part of that is attitude and understanding how important the visuals are for him, but I feel stronger and have energy for more energetic sex.   My husband does not really exercise on a regular basis but I have noticed at periods in the past when he was that his drive did seem to increase.  So all that to say I think for us hormone levels and physical activity contribute more than weight, but both of those things can impact weight too.

                On the floor Answered on October 10, 2019.
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                  Medical conditions surely can. And some extra weight can slow you down too and zap energy making you lose desire. I am quite overweight, but I try to stay as active as I can. Occasionally especially after a bout of depression or something I feel some desire wane, but I participate and eventually get in the mood and back into our swing of things. I dont think weight alone does it, unless its killing your confidence.

                  Queen bed Answered on October 10, 2019.

                  “I feel some desire wane, but I participate and eventually get in the mood and back into our swing of things”

                  It seems like there might be something profound in there… I will remember these words the next time I am feeling less than frisky but the hubby wants to play. 🙂

                  on October 11, 2019.
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                    I believe so, for the reasons you mentioned. It’s not a hard and fast rule, as there are likely plenty of people who are overweight with high drives.

                    It makes logical sense as well. Being overweight creates a huge burden on your body. When your body is in that constant state of distress, it’s priority is going to be survival, not “lets make babies!”. 😀

                    The body’s sexual response could be directly compared to a woman’s sex drive even 😀 If she’s stressed to the very max, and half dead trying to get all her responsibilities taken care of for the day before she face-plants into her mattress, she’s likely not going to be all hot and bothered come bed time.

                    Same thing with our bodies. If they’re stressed and unhealthy, not as much sexy. If they’re healthy and cruisin, then yes please.

                    Queen bed Answered on October 9, 2019.
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                      Medications prescribed to treat conditions generally attributed to an excess in weight, i.e. hypertension, can also effect drive.

                      King bed Answered on October 9, 2019.
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                        When i was younger and A LOT heavier, i had a very healthy sex drive. When i lost all the weight it didn’t improve it but i felt a bit more confident.

                        On the floor Answered on October 9, 2019.
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