Is there a place where I can get to know members to this site by viewing some of their background to get to know its members better?

    I’m new to this site just this week and have posted a few responses, and it was recommended I give a little information as introduction.  I’m early into my 6th decade, married to my wife for 17 years.  I have three adult children and one still at home.  Live in the mitten state.  Have actively served in the church for almost 25 years.  Enjoy outdoor activities, movies, my family, serving the Lord.

    Would enjoy finding out about others on the site and some of their background as a framework when reading questions or responses.  It looks like there is a broad array of questions that help navigate the MB into an even steamier place.  Hope to meet you around some of the questions that are posed.

    On the floor Asked on March 11, 2020 in Introduce Yourself.
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      Welcome!  To answer your question, this site really is not set up to be able to go learn about an individual, to the frustration of many.  Even clicking on their profile and trying to see their questions and answers, we usually get an “oops” message and can’t go any further than a page or two.  You could get some basic info if you select the category “introductions” and you read that, if they shared much.  I don’t think I shared much at all because I was coming from the old TMB and at that time, most people would have known me and my story.

      As to the regular posters, you’ll get a pretty quick feel for them.  If there’s something particular you would like to know, ask a question, and those who are comfortable answering, will.

      A summary of me, I have been married 25 years.  I am a mother and a grandma.   I am a homeschooling mom and a pastor’s wife.  I am one of the few lower drive spouses on here.  I was once a sexual refuser and gatekeeper that was convicted and changed in 2013.  We have dealt with low T in my husband, where he lost his own sex drive, and that flipped our roles for a while.  We had a couple of really dark years, where I became detached from my husband and burned out.  We are on our way back to a healthy marriage.

      Under the stars Answered on March 11, 2020.

      Appreciate the info, especially knowing there is a pastor’s wife in the mix here as I am a pastor myself.  I have always been a HD and wife probably fits into the LD.  She’s working on it and some books have helped. Stay strong and positive.  Ministry drains in so many ways. Thanks for reaching out.

      on March 12, 2020.

      What are some the books that have helped the difficulties you mentioned?

      on March 13, 2020.

      Some of the books we have read, and we read them together, are the following: 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband (Pam Ferrell) Red Hot Monogomy (Bill/Pam Farrell) Enjoy! The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women (Dr. Cliff and Joyce Penner) The Married Guys Guide to Great Sex (Dr. Cliff and Joyce Penner) 52 Ways to Have Fun, Fantastic Sex (Dr. Cliff and Joyce Penner)  This one has something to do every week.  Some are activities, some are discussions.  The discussions help in understanding each other’s needs/desires along with areas to work on.  BTW, both have websites.  One activity was to get a book on positions (non-graphic) and read together and then try.  We bought but have yet to read 2 books on OS for each.  Don’t look at them as a cost, but as an investment.   I should also add that both authors write from a Biblical perspective on sex.  Hope that helps.

      on March 13, 2020.
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        Welcome! When I first started posting, I didn’t do an introduction because I am the kind of person who sidles into a room quietly, remains unobtrusive until I feel compelled to speak, then finds one other person who seems like a kindred spirit to break the ice with. (Once I’m comfortable, I’m a bit mouthier!) I was very hesitant to put much of anything personal out there for fear someone might one day recognize me and then know all these personal things!

        It didn’t take long at all for me to feel like this board is a safe place among friends and to almost forget I haven’t actually met any of them. I have little by little shared so many personal details that if a RL acquaintance ever joined this community, I would be almost certainly immediately identifiable. Oh well. The value of the open discussion and possibly helping someone else is worth the risk.

        My quick summary is:

        • Husband is also a member; we are both hovering near our 50th birthdays, though I’m a bit farther away than he is.
        • We have one teenage daughter for whom we endured twelve years of infertility treatment and adoption processes.
        • We were high school sweethearts, first and onlys, except he kissed the prom date he had before he knew me.
        • We consciously drew a line in the dirt to have no sex until we were married…but we dated five years, engaged for one, and our toes got pretty darn close to that line.
        • We are protestants; our denomination is of the Anabaptist heritage. (A bit like the way more relaxed distant cousins of Amish and Mennonites.)
        • We do not live in the mitten state, but we do wear mittens in our state at least a couple times a year. We are positively drowning in history in our state.
        • We are a couple of geeky bibliophiles and I “suffer” from logolepsy. (Obviously!!) 😉
        • I am a high-drive wife and we have had a relatively sex-positive (and happy!) marriage, with the exception of some intervals of health issues and then allowing it to take a back burner to the hectic pace of life, but we experienced a Renaissance roughly a year ago, just in time for my ovarian cancer scare that resulted in a complete hysterectomy. We have struggled to get past my recovery, sudden menopause, and his unrelenting load of stress and busyness to return to our regularly scheduled program of Renaissance. But we keep trying!!
        Under the stars Answered on March 14, 2020.

        Hi Dutchess and thanks for the brief bio.  I’m past you in age, 62 next month.  Always have had a HD even more so the last several years.  My wife admits to lagging behind and says that a lot is between her ears, but is working through some things to be more responsive and aroused.  She is my all-time favorite person to spend time with.  Loves to garden and can.  I help her out because her love language is acts of service and time together.  We live in an old house dating back to 1857 when the property was purchased from the government the year MI became a state.  We own 4 of the original acres.  Two Irish field setters.  We enjoy tent camping, our son still at home and the 6 grandkids with one more on the way.  I like hunting and fishing but don’t get to enjoy them as much as I’d like with work responsibilities.  I like movies to relax and we try to read together every night.  It’s an enjoyable journey with a wonder life mate and companion.  Thanks again for sharing and some of the encouraging stuff I’ve read on other of your posts.  It is more blessed to give than to receive.  I’ll see you around other posts.

        on March 15, 2020.
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          Welcome Hm!  You live in the mitten state, I don’t recall ever hearing it called that.  I think you will find the format here rather odd, but in my case I adjusted quickly.  Getting to know of others here is not a quick task.  But the quality of the character of those that contribute here is strong in Christ.  Hope you are encouraged here.

          Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on March 12, 2020.
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            As @SC said, filtering to show only the “Introduction” posts can help. But many people (particularly users on the old TMB) didn’t put much info in their intros, and others (such as my DW and I) never did an intro post.

            If you click on the user, you can see whatever description they’re willing to share as well as their past questions/answers/polls. As @SC said, the web site has a bug that keeps you from really looking through their past stuff (anything beyond the first page). But thankfully, many posters do far fewer questions than answers, so you should still be able to see many, if not all, their questions. That can really help for some people, though not others.

            For us, here’s a quick summary:

            • Mid-30’s married couple for 12+ yr
            • Both of us are our “first and only’s” for sex and even kissing
            • Four kids, all single digits in age
            • Nondenominational protestants
            • Vibrant sex life early in marriage, dwindled to pretty poor/basic stuff, rejuvenated last summer for a variety of reasons including that my DW (Zelda) is using a vibe to achieve climax for the first time
            • I suffer from a porn-addiction past that I confessed last summer too

            Sticking around for a while plus reading older posts is a great way to learn about people. You get a feel for them eventually! There are fun little things that come up that you tend to remember and make it much more personable.

            -Scott

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on March 12, 2020.

            Thanks Scott for the brief bio. Marriage is such a complex matter in the ebb and flows of life’s circumstances. I have appreciated responses of people in this question as well as others where I have had the opportunity to engage in dialogue. It does seem to be a bit awkward right now to discuss one’s sex life in a forum with strangers. Maybe that’s the beauty of this format vs. face to face as that can be a bit more challenging. The other challenge is not being envious of someone else who may have a more vibrant sex life than one’s own that has the potential to lead to discontentment, even adultery and other sex addictions in an effort to find the magic bullet (not the sex toy). Looking at this place as an opportunity to be encouraged and receive advice is a way to look at it and keep things in perspective. I don’t see this as a place to vent frustration or bemoan conditions. Instead I’m seeing this as a place to offer some tips on better communication with your spouse. That’s one thing I appreciate about my DW is that in the past couple years we have been very open about where we are and where we want to be. What we are working on is how to get there. As part of that journey, we’re shopping today for something for her. Enjoying the ride…HM

            on March 15, 2020.
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              Welcome HM. I  am another resident of the mitten state. I am late 50’s and my DW is in her mid-50’s. We will celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary in September. We have three kids; 2 in college, and one in high school. I enjoy reading, golfing, learning how to play the piano, hanging with the family, and being intimate with my wife.

              A few more details; my favorite novel of all time is The Lord of the Rings. I also enjoy reading theology, philosophy, and science books. I spent an eternity of time in college and grad. school, and work in our region’s dominant industry on projects related to relieving people of the need to operate their automobiles. When I have the time, I like to play strategy games that are typically played on hex-maps, or which use miniature figures. During the warm months, I try to play golf at least once a week. I have made significant changes to my clubs this year, replacing my irons (with Titleist T300’s. For those golfers that need a forgiving set of irons, these are really excellent!), and adding a Ping 4 hyprid and some new wedges (Cleveland CBX full-face 56 degree, and 60 degree. These are AMAZINGLY forgiving wedges that I highly recommend).

              I am the higher sex drive spouse in our marriage and became a member of these boards looking for ways of addressing the sex drive mismatch, as well as a way to help my wife experience an orgasm. After finally getting up the courage to walk into a sex toy store, we started trying out different vibrators to see if we could find one that was effective in pleasuring DW. After MANY failed attempts, I brought home a ‘magic wand’ style vibrator (the Body Wand), and finally she had her first O after 20+ years of marriage! She has also had sporadic luck with the eroscillator, and other smaller vibes, but her go to is still the Body Wand.

              I cannot stress how grateful I am to this board and to God for this success. I was fully prepared to accept the fact that my wife might never have an O, a prospect I found very sad indeed. Our success resulted from: 1) my being able to tell DW how important it is to our marriage that our sex life be as dynamic and vibrant as possible, 2) patience on my part as we worked through ways of dealing with our mismatch, 3) learning that my DW is responsive desire, meaning she does not experience much arousal prior to the start of sexual activity (I get aroused seeing her walking around in yoga pants!), 4) her willingness to step outside of her comfort zone, 5) and a willingness on both our parts to try any and all solutions, including as I mentioned the use of sex toys.

              We are still working on our sex life to add other activities, so I continue to frequent this forum both for ideas, as well as to provide what help I can to others.

              On the floor Answered on March 14, 2020.

              Thanks for sharing the bio and also to see another mitten man on board.  BTW, the body wand is my wife’s favorite, although she enjoys others as well.  We do try to mix things up.  It is a wonderful journey of discovery.

              on March 15, 2020.
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