Ladies of TMB, what does foreplay for your DH look like?
Wifey has said several times in the past that she doesn’t know what to do during foreplay. She feels a little awkward, especially if it’s a time when we plan for a romantic encounter, but when it just “happens” (some good natural hot and heavy) she’s fine. She once said that going from nothing to something is difficult, especially with being a mom during the day. Any wifeys have advice for her, or me? How do you approach foreplay and are there some good how-to guides available? (Open googling about foreplay seems like it could lead to sites I don’t want to visit)
I understand the awkwardness of nothing to something. Here are a few things we have done to transition into actual sexual foreplay:
-Massages are good transitions for us. It might start with my back, my neck/head, or my feet.
-Skin on skin cuddling as we begin to watch a show or movie. (We both are willing to pause or rewind the show.)
It looks like the common theme is skin and touch.
You might try starting with some kissing like you would have done in dating days and then gradually take your own or each others’ clothes off. Sometimes when my DH has gotten in a habit of going from 0-60 in entirely-too-fast-for-me-to-enjoy, I remind him of a bulls-eye but point out that he has to go through the outer rings (my less sexual body parts) and gradually move to the inner (more sexual parts). There are so many things to explore before he ever gets to the bikini stuff.
Our best transition is just cuddling under the sheets after our shower and before sleeping, and the more we chat and snuggle, the more intimate we begin to feel and the more aroused we get and next thing you know one of us jumps the other. 😀
For me, foreplay starts in my mind. My H an I are lucky to be in contact via texting much of the day, so that quick text that says (for example) “Just want you to know I’m thinking about you… and about last night” can get me going. Other days when it’s harder to get my head in the game, I might do some things for myself to feel refreshed, like a long shower where I tidy up certain areas, and I make sure to take the time to lotion up, wear perfume, etc. Whatever makes me feel feminine. I have even made many silly amateur attempts at selfies of my body (not face) and send them to H. By forcing myself to see me as a sexual person and not just a mom, it gets my head out of the rut. It doesn’t have to be full on nudity, I’ve sent a close up of my lips parted, my neck, wearing a thin tank top with no bra, the curve of my hip. I’ve even gotten silly and sent pics of coconut oil jar next to a vibrator with a sign that says “It’s not just for cooking!”. You get the idea, I try to keep it tasteful but fun.
As far as the moments before starting, a massage is a good way to go. Lying naked together and cuddling pretty much seals the deal. I’ve personally found that when DH lightly brushes his fingers over my thighs and butt that I “wake up”. Maybe there is a zone for your wife that you can touch that might get her going?
I love cuddling and touching all over, avoiding sexual parts at first. I like kissing different parts of his body, very slowly moving closer and closer to the golden spots. I like to make him leave his underwear on and kiss and stroke around it, lifting the edges and teasing, blowing warm air through the cloth, kissing through the cloth and generally teasing a lot. Then easing the underwear off and kissing next to his penis! Moving it over and kissing just the base. Slowly moving up with kisses or little licks but nothing on the head for as long as possible. Blowing hot air on the head and licking around the ridge until finally taking the head in my mouth. Hearing him gasp at the end…That never gets old!