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15 Answer(s)

    Just reading your original post, and you asking identifying with any of these triggers…. the one I thought I might identify with most, is “Cat and Mouse”, but I really had no clue…. I also had to go outside of my marriage and think of how I am in other relationships as well (not sexually, but in general.)  I did go and take the quiz, and it came out “Cat and Mouse”.

     

    ETA:  One of the things that I have always enjoyed is taking my husband by surprise.  I like the “shock value” I can cause.   If he expects it or asks for it, it is not near as thrilling.   It may be one reason him just “showing up naked” has bothered me.  It takes away a thrill and there’s no “chase” it’s just an expectation on his part.  

    Under the stars Answered on November 20, 2019.

    Tying it into an “answer” I have yet to write up on the “magnet” thread: does your DH seem to enjoy being surprised (positively) by you?

    on November 20, 2019.

    Of course…. he enjoys anything sexual 🙂

    on November 20, 2019.

    Grr, let me be more specific. Does he enjoy it more than “expected” sex?

    on November 20, 2019.

    I’m not sure about that….  and I may be missing the meaning of your question and what you are looking for.

    I know he likes to feel wanted and desired, I’m not sure it matters what scenario that comes in.  Part of this is more about outside the ‘expected’ times, that’s what makes it a surprise.  I don’t know what he appreciates more, being flashed while he’s standing on a ladder outside of our (2nd story) window, or me suddenly moving down while laying in bed.  I would say he appreciates actions that can give him immediate “attention” rather than the tease of things to come. … but I also know what scenario is more seared in his memory and he has mentioned more often.

    on November 20, 2019.
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      I just cornered my husband 🙂 and made him take it…. his was “Desire”. …. which seems to be more about direct talk, and “dirty talk”.  I know I am one who struggles with verbalizing things, especially if I feel it’s repetitive.   I would guess that there are other areas that would be high….but I wonder if area that one is lacking (such as this verbal area versus visually) makes the area lacking rise to the top????

       

      Under the stars Answered on November 20, 2019.
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        I’ll rank the triggers for me/us.  High to Low.

        1. Mental – my emotional connection to Mrs. Oldbear and her to me is a perpetual turn-on.

        2. Desire – yes, this is a two-way street for us. I can trigger her by being desirable (acts of service turn her on – being busy around the house on projects). She turns me on by flashing and flirting which takes us to . . .

        3. Visual – just this morning, Mrs. Oldbear gave me a wonderful view of her body in the shower. I sprang to life!

        . . . and

        4. Cat and Mouse – sexual innuendos can build us up for each other.

        5.  Transactional – this would be a ‘quickie’ for me.

        6. Environmental – bring a romantic, a candlelight dinner across from my elegant, sexy lady is a turn-on.

         

        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on November 20, 2019.
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          I took the quiz and my result was Mental. It mentioned intelligence as being the major turn-on, which is spot on. However, the quiz was difficult, as I felt some of the questions had 3-4 (out of 6) answers that I would give equal weight to. And one question that I didn’t agree with any of the answers.

          I like the concept. And FYI, you can choose to ‘skip this step’ at the end, where they ask for your email address. The result still comes up afterwards.

          On the floor Answered on November 20, 2019.

          I didn’t understand what the last question (I think) was getting at… it seemed like they left out a key piece of what you were looking for in the answer.

          We “skipped” the step as well.

          on November 20, 2019.
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            @ShadowSpirit, since you are so well studied up on this, or others if you have ideas or thoughts, I can see how this is kind of at play in my life… but when I think about if I had to give my husband ideas on how to incorporate these “triggers”, I am going blank on ideas. ( Which I just had the thought that if I have to “tell him” what to do, it might take away from the effect?)

            Also, is there somewhere other than the book that gives a little more explanation around each of these?

            Under the stars Answered on November 20, 2019.
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              I took the test and I am not surprised that mine is desire.  If my wife knew that she could have me wrapped around her finger by desiring me.

              Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on November 20, 2019.
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                Thanks ShadowSpirit, but I was actually, talking about the “cat and mouse” and how to advise my husband.

                Under the stars Answered on November 20, 2019.

                I actually took so long typing that I hadn’t seen your more recent comment.  I wasn’t responding to your situation, I was just trying to expand the concept of “Desire” to show that it doesn’t have to be verbal, even though, as you noticed, the quiz made it seem that way.

                on November 20, 2019.

                Oh! LOL!

                on November 20, 2019.
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                  The quiz has me at Transactional… There has to be something more for me to have sex. But the quiz has serious flaws. First, it’s too short to allow certain outcomes to be ruled out. Second, a couple of questions have answers that are too similar in nature. Last, 1 question did not have an answer that I identified with. “None of the above” wasn’t an option.

                  I mainly identify with Mental. I have to have some kind of mental connection, or it just isn’t going to happen for me. If Dh and I have not had enough time together, I just can’t get built up to sex. I feel like I’m having sex with a stranger, and it honestly feels immoral and wrong.

                  ShadowSpirit, I find what you wrote about desire and the ravishing quiz to be interesting. I, too, respond to this approach. I believe many women are, or books like 50 Shades of Stupid wouldn’t be so popular.

                  There are so many interpretations of Genesis 3:16, but I have frequently thought that this desire for our husbands we are meant to have, despite his rule over us, is linked to this commonality so many women have on the ravishing question. Perhaps many of us desire our husbands because he has that ability, not in spite of it. It’s just a thought I’m tossing out there, and I’m not suggesting abuse is ok. But it might explain the results of that survey. A loving male leader is hot. He just is.

                  Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on November 20, 2019.
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                    Interesting quiz…I’m a little surprised by my result though…MENTAL. I would have thought desire was more true for me…but quizzes on the internet NEVER LIE! But I agree with DoveGrey…I think more questions would be better to give a more accurate result.

                    In the long run, I don’t think mental is way off for me…I have come to learn over time that if DW isn’t into being intimate, it’s a waste of time…I used to know (not so sure at present) when she was faking her romance just for my sake. If I got a sense of any of that, I’d kill the engines and back off. Sex to me is the icing on the cake, and if the cake itself isn’t cooked already, there’s no point in icing it…Don’t judge me for my analogy, I decorate cakes!

                    @SeekingChange…I have an interesting question for you…You said that his turn-on, may be your turn-off…if i’m mis-stating, please correct me…He’s gives it to you direct, and you like the chase…as in you want the chase…the challenge?  You said during the QOD on the 18th that you have “playfully” used sex as a bargaining chip to get his hands off you while you finish a task…I wonder if taking the bargaining chip to the next level (still playfully of course) could add to the cat and mouse game a little bit? I”m not sure how that would look…but just a thought. That brings up a whole new question though…

                    On the floor Answered on November 21, 2019.

                    I was just thinking about this more….  if you noticed in that TQOTD, I didn’t bargain for sex, but playfully “threatened” to not do it.  That points to trying to keep a chase or a tension there.

                    on November 21, 2019.

                    That’s true…and the interesting thing is (the way I think about it) that should cause him to try even harder to pursue you. I’m a hunter. I set out bait, trail camera’s, sit in the cold for hours just watching. if no animals come around, I have to alter my plan, but I don’t hang it up for the season, I just try something else to get it. I’d like to think a husband is doing the same thing in pursuit of his wife’s sexuality. Even if it’s playful

                    on November 21, 2019.
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                      If I recall correctly, MENTAL was actually the #1 “trigger” out of the 20,000 people who had taken it. DESIRE was #2.

                      @ALL_IN, that’s an interesting thought. I was talking about this all with my husband, and it still leaves me confused. I still am unsure on how to find a balance between us. All I know is that being “too available” is definitely a turn off… I don’t like feeling smothered. But there is a surety (when he’s healthy) that if I initiate sexually, I will be successful.

                      Under the stars Answered on November 21, 2019.

                      Hmmm…. I just realized he has had the same surety (guaranteed outcome, sex). That seems to have taken the pursuit out of him, rather than enhance it and he get creative, without the fear of rejection.

                      on November 21, 2019.

                      I think even if the outcome is guaranteed sex, the chase to get there (for me) is like 85% of the fun of sex. As stated above, its the hunt. But how do we get him to WANT to hunt!?!

                      on November 21, 2019.
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