Let’s talk kisses…

    This is something I think about often and was part of what spurred my post on passion. Kisses. In my relationship they feel very unmeaningful. I recently read a statement by Joyce Penner “We see kissing as a barometer measuring a couple’s intimacy and passion. Rarely have we had a couple seek sexual therapy who are still kissing regularly and passionately”.  We generally kiss morning and night, small pecks. My DH seems to take charge of the kisses and seems to prefer that. Sometimes he will be a little slower but they are almost always closed mouth with very little movement. Just a very plain very close-lipped kiss. They remind me of the innocent kisses he gives the children. I miss more intimate kisses. Many times, kisses are even lacking during LM. Many times, I can recall not even getting a kiss or just one on the cheek or neck.  I recently had one open mouthed kiss at the end of LM and it had been three weeks since the prior one. I’m really not sure what the deal is. Its just another thing that makes our intimacy feel so lacking.

    Do you and your spouse kiss often and enjoy it?

    Do you make an effort to enjoy that daily?

    Do you find it affects your intimacy of you don’t?

    Do you save those big kisses just for the big moment?

    King bed Asked on January 28, 2020 in Activities & Items .

    Excellent points. Yes passionate kissing seems to slip out of the normal daily activity. It did for us.

    on January 28, 2020.
    Add Comment
    10 Answer(s)

      Do you and your spouse kiss often and enjoy it?

      We haven’t been kissing often…as of late, we really haven’t kissed much at all. There was a time that we were where you are. Except reversed. I prefer the deep meaningful kissing, and she wants a peck on the lips.

      Do you find it affects your intimacy of you don’t?

      I find the statement made by Joyce Penner to be true in my marriage. When we’re not kissing, we’re not really seeking oneness.

      Do you save those big kisses just for the big moment?

      I wish we kissed more…a lot more. I wish they were deeper more meaningful and more effort was put into it.

      On the floor Answered on January 28, 2020.
      Add Comment

        For me, kissing is much more of a barometer of where I feel emotionally in life and with my husband, than sex is.  I can relate to Julia Roberts character in Pretty Woman.  The more emotionally disconnected I am, or need emotional distance…the further I want things from my face and lips. (Sensory overload)

        That being said, my husband is persistent to get hello and goodbye kisses (a peck, quick or lingering), which is several times a day, and if he doesn’t immediately leave after the first goodbye kiss, he comes for another, but it’s still common for me to resist them in my own way.  This is one of those little things I am focusing on to move to “thriving”, greeting him with a smile, followed by puckered lips.

        Big kisses happen when I am emotionally open and available.

         

        Under the stars Answered on January 28, 2020.
        Add Comment

          Kisses are wonderful.  From the sweet simple peck kiss on the lips or the head to passionate kissing during LM, they are all fantastic.  I notice how much I miss them almost immediately when DW has a cold or virus.  Then I push it taking a chance of getting sick and go for that kiss anyway.  She has a bug/virus right now, but I’m still kissing the top of her head.

          On the floor Answered on January 28, 2020.
          Add Comment

            Very good question! We are not big kissers at all, and I have been telling DH when we kiss, that let’s make it last a few seconds! So, I want to see what everyone else says!

            Years ago, we kissed a lot more, but I feel pregnancies ruined our kissing. I was super nauseated and felt like I gasped for breath, so anything around my face made me panic. I couldn’t even stand air blowing on my face, much less anybody’s warm breath! We never picked it up again, except for when one of us leaves the house, or just before bed or something like that.

            Under the stars Answered on January 28, 2020.
            Add Comment

              We both suffer from allergies which seem to be exacerbated in the winter when the air is drier – she’s colder-natured than me and wants the T-stat set higher and the hot air causes my nasal passages to close..  The spring and fall aren’t much better with all the pollen in the air.   Even with decongestants, we end up breathing through our mouth a lot when sleeping which inevitably leads to really bad breath.  So our morning kisses only happen after we’ve both brushed our teeth real good.   We kiss more spontaneously in the afternoon and early-evening but they are mostly the short, quick pecks whether our mouths are open or closed.  Thanks for bringing this up – I think I’ll work on re-introducing the French kiss into our relationship.

              On the floor Answered on January 28, 2020.
              Add Comment

                Do you and your spouse kiss often and enjoy it?  Absolutely, in the morning, at night, and we make a concentrated effort for a warm kiss upon returning home with a LONG embrace. I’ve also been working on making sure that I am guarding my heart and attitude to be a better “thermostat” when I arrive home after a long day and my interactions with my wife and step daughters. Those first interactions and minutes can make or break an evening.

                Do you make an effort to enjoy that daily?  We both do. Kissing morning, night and in between. I love to come behind and kiss her neck, ears, shoulders and cheeks in the kitchen or as she’s getting ready.

                Do you find it affects your intimacy of you don’t?  Kissing is an intimate activity and I believe a window to the soul and an indicator of the passion and romance in a marriage. I don’t want us to ever stop sharing kisses or making out…

                Do you save those big kisses just for the big moment? No, they are for all different times as I mentioned. With that said, DW knows that one way to communicate desire and initiate making love at night is giving me a lingering kiss goodnight OR a HUGE, LINGERING kiss and we’ll start making out and go beyond…even when I’m tired. Add a hand rub to the thigh or groin area with those kisses and it doesn’t matter how tired I am, I’ll step up and accept her offer. 😀

                Personally, I don’t want to stop making out EVER. I want to keep sucking face “’til death do us part”. I don’t like it when we’re sick but I’m more thoughtful about kissing her long on the mouth and lips, it’s usually more the cheeks at that point with plenty of LONG hugs.

                Under the stars Answered on January 28, 2020.
                Add Comment

                  We kiss often,  whenever possible accomanied by a lingering hug, I’m a touch person person and I’m usually the one initiating the kisses/hugs.  However they are usually closed mouth kisses.  I’m going to be honest I don’t love open mouthed kisses, I don’t know if its dh’s technique (he tends to thrust too far and frequesntly for my preference with his tongue and or get the areas above or below my lips wet)  most of the time they feel too sloppy and  not sensual to me.  I’ve tried to tactfully suggest/demonstrate how I would prefer them but it doesn’t have seem to made much of a difference and I really don’t want to hurt his feelings or risk him not wanting to kiss me for fear of failure by being more upfront.  So I enjoy the mostly closed mouth kisses we have.  I don’t necessarily feel like its a baroment of the rest of our physical intimacy or passion.  We have fufulling passionate sex that we are both satisfied with frequently.  It might say something about our communication especially around sensitive issues…

                  On the floor Answered on January 28, 2020.

                  You are wise to be careful; I once expressed to my DH that our tongue kisses were a bit juicy and we didn’t tongue kiss for a really long time. I’ve been working hard to let him know that I want that again (well, you know, just by going ahead and doing it, which isn’t really work.) 😉

                  on January 28, 2020.

                  Some overreact to a little positive criticism.

                  on January 28, 2020.
                  Add Comment

                    Sadly, this is a painful subject for me. DW and I have been married for over 10 years (for the first 4 years, she was a gatekeeper/refuser).

                    The last time we made out was 6 months ago on our anniversary–and it was breathtakingly wonderful!  Our kisses are typically quick and lifeless. Usually, an attempt to kiss for more than just a few pecks causes her to lock up. In fact, last time I tried 3 months ago, she pushed me away and said she wasn’t ready for kissing me like that at all.

                    Before marriage, we would kiss endlessly for hours at a time! The fact that it was on the table then and then taken off makes it more confusing and upsetting.

                    It’s something that I have brought up in counseling. She stated she feels overwhelmed when I initiate intimate kissing due to her past. A couple of months ago, our counselor encouraged her to be the one to actually initiate it so she feels more in control and less trapped until she becomes more comfortable with it…. I have backed off, however, with no change in sight on her part.

                    I definitely think it affects our intimacy without it. Kissing is like another intimate language to me. It’s a language we can both talk without using words—Not to mention that it definitely gets her motor running when she is able to let it happen!

                    It’s a way for me to express and show my affection to her and with her. Kissing is something that we can do to show affection when we may not be able to make love right then and there (especially if we’re in public)!

                    Without it, just as OP stated, it makes our intimacy feel lacking.

                     

                    Hammock Answered on January 28, 2020.
                    Add Comment

                      I find that I miss not being able to kiss my husband usually due to a cold or cold sore.  Luckily that doesn’t last very long .  When I am able to kiss, if I am not paying close attention he may say that I granny kissed him.  Usually if he kisses back passionately then it immediately brings me to that level.    Kissing is some of my favorite foreplay.    I am also trying a little peck here and then when we don’t have time for intimacy…

                      Double bed Answered on January 28, 2020.
                      Add Comment

                        We used to take like an hour to “kiss goodnight” when we were dating, because I would walk him to the door, where we had some privacy, and we would make out. We still kiss often; in fact we will kiss each other goodbye 4 or 5 times before we actually part. Part of the reason for that is that I want us to always part well and on good terms. Just this past Sunday he kissed me, on the lips, in greeting when I arrived at church because he had gone early and DD and I came separately. One of the ushers said, “Hey hey! None of that, now!!” (He was kidding.) We kiss–briefly but soundly–a lot, however we don’t do as much making out as I could wish. We only do a lot of deep kissing when we are actually getting ready to have sex. I would love to just cuddle on the couch and kiss for an hour or so. Then again, I guess when we were teens, that hour was the only chance we had to kiss because we didn’t live and sleep together, so it’s reasonable that the urgency to make out on the couch fades a bit when we are going to snuggle naked under the covers later. Still, it would be fun to do it more. Sometimes during the actual sex I’m not so much interested in as much kissing because kissing takes focus and mine is elsewhere at that time.

                        Under the stars Answered on January 28, 2020.
                        Add Comment

                        Your Answer

                        By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.