Lonliness as a single
I’m very lonely in my life right now. I want to be married. Its not just sex, though of course that a factor, I want affection, love, and all that. I’m struggling to find a way to be satisfied with being single.
I know this isn’t exactly a sex question, but I think maybe some people here would be able to help me cause surely some of them had to be in the same place when they were single. How did you manage it. Not just the sexual desires but also the desires for companionship, the desire to cuddle, ect.
I was single again for 10 years. It was a battle for boundaries and purity of eyes, heart & mind. I had good friends, accountability with another friend and I had to regularly remind myself that God is sufficient for all my needs and He was aware of my wants and desires. I will also add that I regularly reminded myself that, “I’d rather be single and lonely than married and lonely and if that means remaining single and sexless then that was better than the alternative.” I’ve been married and lonely, married and sexless or sex-starved. It’s hard but being single is better than the alternative that I’m speaking of.
Who are you becoming? Your character? Your relationship with God? Are you becoming someone who will attract a Proverbs 31 wife? Is God enough? Are you whole as a person in your singleness? God is more interested in those things and He is more than capable of bringing someone into your life. My wife is living proof and God has returned in bounty what the locust have stolen BUT it took time and work on God’s & my part to begin to prepare me for what I have now.
I believe in pursuing Christ and kneel at His feet and that God is fully able to help you meet someone who is also pursuing Him and kneeling at His feet.
I was a student for a VERY long time (4 years as an undergraduate, and 7 years in grad school) and greatly desired companionship, intimacy, etc. Probably the number 1 thing that made the waiting bearable was the fact I had a really good friend group that I could hang out with when I was not busy with school. Like me, most of them were also in school and not involved in a relationship. So, the key for me was I was always busy, and though desiring to be in a relationship, I did not lack for things to do, people to talk to , etc.
I think that the answers of those above are excellent.
- Get accountable relationships, friendships if you do not have them.
- Seek those relationships out in church, or find a new church.
- Set goals of maturity and work towards growing in them.
- Guard what you watch and read.
I would add to those given the need to fill your time with ministry activity that includes both personal growth and outreach. In that take time to read good books and develop great reading habits. Set goals and paths towards those goals that will encourage, strengthen and build your personality through being a desciple and by teaching others as well, (2 Tim. 2:2) .
All great comments. I remember being single and feeling exactly the way you do. I think each one of us needs to learn to count on Jesus alone, so you can focus on this while you wait. This is the perfect opportunity for you to exercise your Faith. Ask Him for what you desire and put your trust in him. When I was in this position I didn’t really even know who I was, and as a young man I didn’t have my act together, but I called out on Him, and He delivered me as He always has. He can move mountains and He can put someone in your life. You need to eliminate barriers to your Father not giving you what He wants to give you – this means you need to trust in Him and grow in Him. You need to trust in His timing which especially about this is not easy.
There is likely someone looking for what you are looking for too – look at the big picture and try to find a woman you can bless who can also bless you. Get involved in things that involve singles, if there is nothing promising at one, move on to another. Be careful to not jump at the first option that presents itself, know ahead of time what type of wife you are looking for. It is time to get involved in things and put yourself around others even if it pushes you outside of your comfort zone. The idea of serving at church is a good one.