Thank you for all of the great responses to the question yesterday about “Masturbation Motive.” All good stuff. Continuing in that theme I’m curious about what occupies our minds leading up to and while we masturbate??
Are you focusing solely on the pleasure and release needed and delivered by masturbating so it’s more of a self awareness about how physically good you’re feeling at any particular time while your masturbating?
Is it more connected to a fantasy or memory of sex with your spouse that is supported by the physical pleasure derived from masturbating? Is it a recurring memory/fantasy or does it vary?
Does the mindset change with the frequency that one masturbates?
It really varies for me…. often, it is just on the physical pleasure in the moment. But I also go back and recall certain pleasurable moments with my husband, where I am “reliving” it. I am also not beyond stumbling and letting my mind go to places it shouldn’t.
Imagining the characters in books will arouse me enough to decide I need an O, but when I get out the toy, I’m just focusing on the physical sensations. If I can’t quite get there, I mentally re-watch a video I used to have of DH bringing himself to ejaculation and that will tip me over. (I was trying to be really careful with the video so no one but me would find it on my phone and I goofed and deleted it. 🙁 We’ll re-create it sooner or later.)
Since I now only masturbate with DW present (except when apart for a couple days or more) I find it very much a bonding time. I just enjoy being with DW and sharing the intimacy of it. I find it highly intimate. It took many years before I was comfortable sharing it with her. I just hold her and don’t need to fantasize about anything else. I’m already with my dream girl.
If we haven’t had sex for a while and I have that gnawing need for release that keeps me awake then I’m more likely to focus solely on the physical sensations and aggressively sprint to an orgasm.
If I’m simply feeling horny for her and want to explore, play and feed my horniness then I will enjoy a more prolonged session. Those thoughts are always about reliving some especially erotic scenes with her or imagining how we might make love in the future. These sessions don’t necessarily end with an orgasm.
I’m not able to orgasm by just concentrating on the physical; I have to be thinking of something sexual. It is often fantasies with my DH, sometimes past encounters with him (especially special places like vacations), and occasionally my mind also goes to wrong places (meaning people).
For me, it is usually just about a physical release and not really sexual or pleasure centered at all. There is something about it that shuts my mind down and let’s me relax/sleep. If I find myself staring at the clock at midnight, and my wife has been asleep for hours, then it is a surefire way for to get to sleep myself.
On occasion, especially when we are apart, I will go into imagination/fantasy mode and spend some time reminiscing about past love making sessions with my wife, or fantasizing about future ones.
Quite often, my mindset shifts from a focus on the simple pleasure of masturbating and reaching an O to being mindful of particularly exciting and erotic moments with Mrs. Oldbear. The best Os happen when I visualize a consummating moment with her.