I read an article recently that stated that masturbation played different roles for women and men. On average, women masturbate in a complementary role to partnered sex, meaning that the more sex they have with their partner the higher their masturbation frequency.
It is the opposite with men. With men, masturbation plays a compensatory role to make up for the amount of desired partnered sex that they aren’t receiving. Men’s masturbation frequency declined as the amount of partnered sex increases toward the man’s desired frequency amount.
Are these findings consistent with the masturbation frequencies of the good folks and their spouses here?
Not true for me, we have what I would consider pretty frequent sex depending on the season we are in its usually 3-5 times a week sometimes more. I find masturbation unsatisfying, like scratching an itch, maybe it doesn’t itch anymore but that’s about it. I’d much much rather wait for dh. Consequently I rarely masturbate, maybe twice a year and only if we’ve gone through a really dry season and I am feeling totally pent up.
The only time after being married now I’ve M’d was when DW & I were not together for a period of time, usually 4-9 days) and the lack of release was driving me crazy. Most of those times we were txting, on the phone or FT’ing. (We usually ML3-5x/week).
Personally, I feel like I’m taking my body and desire away from her if I M while under the same roof but living in discord. If I’m frustrated or we’re in conflict, I believe our sexual desire/drive is God-given to promote oneness, which means I need to figure out how to become one again with my wife EVEN IF the conflict or issue isn’t resolved completely. If I M while in conflict with her, it reduces my desire for her and for resolution so we can ML, which only extends and INCREASES our discord and my frustration.
I went years masturbating daily, or multiple times a day, and it was tied to porn. Then I went a couple of years with no masturbation at all.
Currently, masturbation for me has a very loose tie to my sexual desire. It is more of an occasional release of pent up energy, so that I can sleep. On occasion, it is when DW has already gone off to bed, usually tired or physically hurting, and I am left awake, but that by itself is not really a good indicator if I will masturbate or not. It generally depends on whether or not I can shut my mind down to sleep myself. If not, an orgasm is the best sleep medicine for me.
As for DW, the only time that I know for sure that she masturbates, is to help me get her to an orgasm. Sometimes I follow her lead and take over, but sometimes I let her stimulate her clitoris while I focus my attention elsewhere. On one occasion, I was teasing her with the showerhead, and she just took it from me and told me I was doing it wrong and much to my delight, she finished the job herself.