Men – What did you think of the women’s responses?

    Curious to hear what the men thought of the responses in the recent thread: “Ladies, which part do you want treasured?”

     

    Overall, it seems that most ladies didn’t necessarily want a particular part to be treasured, but wanted ALL of their being to be loved and appreciated.

     

    Husbands, does this differ from what you had expected? What did you think as you read the responses from the ladies? I’d be very interested to hear your thoughts, if you are willing to share – thanks.

    Add Comment
    17 Answer(s)

      @ Scott, what does that have to do w/the question about which PART do you want treasured (or treasure) and it seemed to me it was trying to dig out of women’s responses SEXUAL parts like men do. Well surprise, surprise, we are not men. We are not trying to be “above” men in our responses, we just do not look at our parts like men do.

      I think all in all women greatly desire to be beautiful and this is where most of it comes from (physical enhancement) and most of it is culture driven (although i do believe God put a desire in women to want to be beautiful) as..as you can see, the current culture is now degenerating into a really warped sense of beauty probably driven by the selfie culture–plastic surgery by young women, overly enhanced features such as lips, hair extensions, fillers, huge breasts and now butt fillers of all things.

      I was honest in my answers and didn’t care if i came across as “shallow” in my answer about my face but in essence it is far more about my beauty to me, then it is about my sexuality, even in regard to what my husband thinks about me.  I want a man to look at the whole of me and think beauty and not what a nice @ss or rack to be very crass about it.

      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on May 1, 2020.

      @SongOfAngels

      That is a great way of explaining things. The culture often pushes a completely sexual version of beauty for women. The fact is that beauty is comprised of many facets including personality, poise, quirks, character, and of course the physical body.  Don’t get me started on the worldly idea that only a certain body type is attractive. That’s just claptrap.

      on May 2, 2020.
      Add Comment

        In my personal opinion, I actually believe we are representative of women in general…old and young, saved and unsaved. I believe the heart of the majority of women is to be loved and accepted for who she is…ALL of her. What we see many women doing, which may look like treasuring a certain part more than another… are insecure women desperate to become “enough” for others (or themselves), so that they may become more acceptable, more lovable, more desirable, but it’s insecurity driving it and it’s a drive to find worth, it’s rarely about treasuring a part.

        Under the stars Answered on May 2, 2020.

        I totally agree, SC.

        on May 2, 2020.

        What the difference may be with us here…is we have worked through some of this whole issues more, so we are able to voice the process, but I actually think if one sat down with just about any women and talked about this question, you would hear very similar answers. … and though the women here still may have struggles, we still have an identity in Christ we can stand in.

        on May 2, 2020.

        AMEN SISTER.

        on May 2, 2020.

        Wow, this is great SC. I think “being loved and accepted for who she is” really explains a lot of this. The crazy thing is that many women (and no small number of men) change themselves both internally and externally to the point that the really change who they are, almost negating the whole thing. I especially liked this part of what you said:

        “…which may look like treasuring a certain part more than another…”

        From a man’s perspective, it certainly looks that way.

        FWIW, Zelda said something similar regarding the insecurities. Also FWIW, this jives with corollaries I’ve read on secular forums regarding people’s behaviors before vs. after getting married (or getting a long-term SO).

        Thanks for getting this distilled down to the core!

        -Scott

        on May 2, 2020.

        Scott: “Wow, this is great SC. I think “being loved and accepted for who she is” really explains a lot of this.”

        Ummm, I thought that is what us ladies were saying in the original thread, no?
        And your response was that you didn’t buy it. I’m confused!

        on May 2, 2020.

        SC pointed out that this is an inner desire of most/all women. However, the additional details from both her and other women make it clear why we don’t see this in action in the majority of women in our population (insecurity, trying to find worth, etc.) Essentially, this is the bridge between what some women said on the previous thread and what the cold, hard, indisputable numbers say (that our society spends a laughable amount of money on “beauty”, an amount that is almost incomparably larger than what men spend on their penises). It is also compatible with the women that were saying the physical will wither etc, and thus they don’t focus on it (they have worked past this insecurity).

        Maybe all of that is super obvious to you, but it certainly wasn’t to me. I certainly believed, as SC said, that it “…look[ed] like treasuring a certain part more than another…”

        I could sum it up by saying that I’ve grown up and lived in a world where women’s physical appearance has been given enormous time/money/importance (by those own women), so it was/is extremely hard to wrap my brain around women not actually desiring to have their bodies (or parts of said bodies) treasured.

        -Scott

        on May 3, 2020.

        Ok, yeah I think I get where you’re coming from 🙂
        One thing I will say is that I don’t think you can directly compare spending on beauty Vs spending on penises. Not in a meaningful way, anyway. There are so many different, and easily accessible ways to spend on beauty (hair, nails, clothing, skin, makeup, etc) and the perceived ‘need’ for that can exist from as early as when a girl is a pre-teen (hence nearly a lifetime of this kind of spending for a lot of women). Contrast that with spending on penises – nowhere near as many easily accessible ways to spend on that, and I would say the majority of men wouldn’t feel a ‘need’ for that, nor seriously consider any such spending, until much much later in life (if ever). Not a meaningful comparison, as far as I can see. Yes, women spend oodles on beauty, but comparing those numbers to spending on penises doesn’t paint a fair picture.

        on May 3, 2020.
        Add Comment

          Given the audience we have here, not unexpected. If you were to take a poll of general population, I think the results would be very different. The young particularly. The beauty industry does not exist without reason. Same for plastic surgeons. Females are the vast majority clientele of both. Both are about accentuating parts. One could debate the reasons behind the desire to make “improvements”, whether it is internal or external motivations.

          On the floor Answered on May 1, 2020.
          Add Comment

            Hmmmm… Some good thoughts coming out in these responses. Thanks to the men for sharing their thoughts – I really enjoy getting your insights/perspective.

            Some thoughts of my own…

            1. Yes, I think you would easily get a different response from wives if the question was worded differently. The question specifically asked us to name one part that we treasured and wanted loved and appreciated above all other parts – I think most women just don’t have one part that they feel like this about (I know I don’t, and I don’t think I’m alone). Hence the responses.
            Alternatively, if you asked women something about whether they want to be perceived as being physically beautiful (or something similar) then you’d likely get a lot of wives saying yes. This is not the same as choosing one part above all others.

            2. The original question would likely get different responses from a different group of women. The respondents were (I assume) all married Christians. Single and/or non-Christian ladies would likely differ in their responses. I have no idea of the age range on TMB, but a younger group may think differently, and give different responses, than an older group.

            3. @Scott said: “I don’t buy it”. And one_woman_man said: “So, I knew that unless “auto-pilot” would be disengaged and unless us base men were humored ( 😉 ), my questions would disintegrate.”
            I appreciate both these men sharing their thoughts, however I don’t understand why our responses are being looked upon with suspicion (I’m trying to say this in the nicest way possible over the internet, and hope this is taken in the friendly spirit in which I intended 😊).
            I answered honestly – I do not have one part that I treasure, and I don’t have a part that I want loved and appreciated above all others. It seems the majority of the other ladies felt the same. We are perhaps not representative of the general population, but you can still accept our answers as valid for us, yes? 🙂
            Remember that it was a very specific question that was being asked, and therefore it elicited a very specific response. As I suggested previously, asking a slightly different question will likely get a very different response.

            4. The references to how much money the beauty industry generates don’t necessarily paint an accurate picture for all women. Yes, certainly women as a whole spend loads of money on making themselves more physically beautiful (although this doesn’t mean they are trying to get one part to be loved and appreciated above all others). Remember that this doesn’t mean all of us wives are spending money in this way. I can only offer myself as an example: I don’t wear makeup, don’t dye my hair, don’t go to the salon (except for a simple haircut once every two years or so), don’t get my nails done, and have a very simple wardrobe. I have nothing against others who do those things, but it’s just not for me. Yes, I’m aware that I’m weird 🙂.

            5. There is one other thing that came to my mind, and I’m not sure if it makes a difference, but thought I’d mention it anyway… In my case, I have a husband who does not compliment me on my physical parts, either inside or outside the bedroom. Perhaps I may feel differently if he expressed a love for some specific part of my physical body? If he constantly expressed appreciation for, say, my rear end, then maybe I’d feel like I treasure that more than all my other features (because it gives him pleasure)? I don’t know, but am just wondering.

            I’ll leave it at that for now. Thanks again to the husbands for sharing your thoughts. Very much appreciated!

            King bed Answered on May 2, 2020.
            Add Comment

              For the record, I stand by my answer on OWM’s thread, as well.

              I use no make up, either. I have never been to a hair salon or had my nails done. The few personal items I use, I make my own. If I want to lose weight, its for myself. I am not trying to look better for my DH. I don’t get compliments on my body or my looks, from him, but I still know he loves me.

              I’m sorry, but I don’t believe all statistics are even close to accurate. I don’t have any proof, but I know full well how things can get skewed and twisted.

              So its difficult for the men to believe we womenfolk even know what we are talking about. Did we doubt their word on the thread where someone asked how men wanted to have their penises treated on the wedding night? (Not sure where that thread is.) It didn’t cross my mind to doubt them. I believe they answered from their hearts. I believe the women did, as well. One could feel it. I believe we females read the question through pink glasses. The men read it with blue lenses. Neither was wrong.

              I have to wonder. If a question was asked to the men, about which emotional aspect (or non physical) they treasured, but had to leave out any mention of sexuality and favorite body parts and how they wanted those treated, how would that thread sound? Would there be any answers at all?

              Under the stars Answered on May 2, 2020.

              “I have to wonder. If a question was asked to the men, about which emotional aspect (or non physical) they treasured, but had to leave out any mention of sexuality and favorite body parts and how they wanted those treated, how would that thread sound?”

              Why don’t you start a thread on that? I think you might be surprised at the answers.

              “Would there be any answers at all?”

              You should find out!

              -Scott

              on May 2, 2020.

              I think a question like that now, wouldn’t be totally accurate. It would be somewhat biased by this discussion.

              on May 2, 2020.

              I don’t know that paralleling emotions to body parts are the same.

              on May 2, 2020.
              Add Comment

                It’s exactly as I expected. Woman are much more critical of their body image and costly see advertising that says get this and you’ll look younger…be more attractive….be more confident, etc. it’s a constant barrage of ads and “messages” about one’s looks and appeal to you need this to measure up and God designed women who long for emotional connection.

                Guys, at some point, don’t think about it, don’t care or accept that we’ll never measure up to Brad Pitt or be an Adonis. On the other hand, as a general rule, we do care about our “performance” and lover’s satisfaction in the bedroom so from viagra to goat weed, we want to maintain our virility because it is a sense of pride and masculinity. That’s it’s primary function whereas breasts and a vagina are dual functioning  endowments.

                just my quick thoughts.

                Under the stars Answered on May 1, 2020.
                Add Comment

                  (Thank you for raising these questions!)

                  What I expected, but not what I as the OP had hoped for. LOL! Oh, the fun we have here 😀 May the fun continue!

                  I anticipated the likelihood that answers like those posted would come. So, in an attempt to make my thread somewhat parallel to the other, and also to afford the opportunity of comparing the views of men with those of women, I intentionally framed the post and positioned the questions as I did.

                  It seems I accurately figured women would be hesitant to say how they feel about their parts. And that they would want to be referred to as whole beings, be loved for who they are, and not as a bunch of parts, or be objectified, not forget that they have brains too, etc. (I said, “I get that.”) However.

                  Contrary to what some assumed, it was not about how much you like your parts (That too is a very important topic). Or how good they look. Or how youngish they still are. Or how much or how little they have changed. It was about which lady parts are treasured highly and desired to have loved and appreciated.

                  So, I knew that unless “auto-pilot” would be disengaged and unless us base men were humored ( 😉 ), my questions would disintegrate. We see what happened. (Maybe this is why I’ve only posted 8 questions. Lol!)

                  While it didn’t generate the responses that were hoped for, it did confirm an eternally shocking hypothesis: women are not the same as men. In addition, while women can do most things as well or better than men (I really mean that), we shouldn’t expect them to answer as men (My bad).

                  The fact that a DW started this thread and wanted to know men’s thoughts is cause for some consolation and considerable delight! Thank you again!

                  As a psychologist, I have lots to ponder. Aren’t some of the DW’s answers an indirect way of revealing that deep down they desire their parts to be treasured highly, loved and appreciated? Maybe we will never know. 😉

                  😀

                   

                  Under the stars Answered on May 1, 2020.

                  i think they were truthfully answered. I don’t really desire any of my “parts” to be deeply desired and highly appreciated. As a woman i desire to be beautiful and would like all my parts to be that way, however no one has all parts perfect and then factor in aging…

                  Although i love it when my husband says my “lady” part is nice looking (because i do not see it that way) i want him to see ME as beautiful (as a woman which entails ALL my parts) and that is why i hate it when men say i am “hot” instead of beautiful.

                  on May 1, 2020.
                  Add Comment

                    Not every woman needs to be beautiful to everyone, but every woman wants to be beautiful to someone. As @Selkie said, wanting to be beautiful to someone is not even close to being the same as treasuring a part or wanting a part treasured. I still stand firmly by my original answers. I understood exactly what OWM was asking, and I answered them as they were asked…and then added extra thoughts.

                    I know that my husband treasures a certain part, but I honestly don’t feel any better because of it nor secure in that fact.

                    You all want a part I want treasured… though it’s not really a part, it’s the closest you’ll get from me… lines and wrinkles. If my husband can treasure those, I know that I will be set for the years to come, and he’ll only have more and more to treasure! 😉 😊

                    Under the stars Answered on May 1, 2020.
                    Add Comment

                      @Scott, I understand why you compared the two questions but to me the meanings are not comparable.

                      I’ve had several guys (my husband and brothers included) tell me that they would rather have *a hand* cut off than their penis. I just do not feel that way about any part of my body and I think that most women are the same. You can believe that or not 😉.

                      For what it is worth, I’m in my early twenties and I felt this way before I was married too.

                      Double bed Answered on May 2, 2020.

                      Thanks for the info. For the record, I would fall into the camp of rather having a hand (at least my non-dominant hand) cut off instead of my penis. Maybe I should ask my wife which of those she’d prefer (for my body). I’d have to consider penis vs. my dominant hand. Now that we’re done having kids, there is less incentive to keep the penis (yes I know it’s not required for procreation…)

                      I don’t know if you want kids, but for women who do, it’d be an interesting question if they’d go with the hand cut off or lose their ability to have children. That’s probably super tangential though.

                      And it does seem to be the consensus that the “meanings of the two questions are not comparable”. However, several of the answers to the “treasured part” seemed to me to have a direct impact on beauty stuff…specifically that the ladies indicated their physical body didn’t matter. Clearly I’ve talked to my wife about this, but like you, she doesn’t wear makeup (nor does she do the salon, have her nails done etc)…thus, I ended up with no frame of reference.

                      -Scott

                      on May 2, 2020.

                      Now the question of losing a hand or being unable to have children is an interesting question. I think I would choose to keep my hand because adoption is an option, but that would actually make me pause and think. I do not have kids (yet) but both my husband and I want them.

                      I think the answers about physical beauty will vary significantly depending on who you talk to. Like your wife, it is not a major priority to me. I try to dress nice but that’s about as far as it goes (no makeup, beauty salons, or plastic surgery for me). Some women do enjoy those things and care a lot more than I do. That’s probably an individual decision.

                      on May 2, 2020.

                      See, i can understand having a hand cut off rather than the penis, LOL.  Sexual intimacy in TMB is so very important so i don’t think less of men when they say that.  I would also hope that i am believed that because i may be different than my sisters here on the forum in that i love makeup and hair, that doesn’t make me any more vain or shallow than the man choosing his penis over his hand! 🙂

                      on May 2, 2020.

                      @SoA
                      I don’t think that using and enjoying makeup makes you vain or shallow in itself. It’s only when you start putting your desire for physical beauty over other things that it becomes vanity.

                      on May 4, 2020.
                      Add Comment

                        @Brynna I appreciate your comments. I’d like to respond briefly to these words:

                        I have to wonder. If a question was asked to the men, about which emotional aspect (or non physical) they treasured, but had to leave out any mention of sexuality and favorite body parts and how they wanted those treated, how would that thread sound? Would there be any answers at all?

                        Risking the possibility of giving too positive of an impression of myself, (and causing SC to gag again 😉 ) I think I would have talked about being sentimental and nostalgic.

                        Or about my tendency to cry when deep emotions are displayed (like when I read the article someone posted a link to about the DW who realized after her DH died, that she shouldn’t have been so upset about him not putting his dirty laundry away) .

                        Or about how touched am when in a movie I see a couple enjoying a great relationship.

                        Not sure that answers your question. But those are some of the emotional parts of me that I want treasured and that I treasure myself.

                        Under the stars Answered on May 2, 2020.

                        Thanks, OWM. I believe my DH would like that emotional part of him cherished, as well. He has such a soft heart and can get teary eyed quite easily. I will have to think on how I can better cherish that part of him. I am the opposite and not easily touched by sentiment or sad/sweet things.

                        on May 2, 2020.
                        Add Comment

                        Your Answer

                        By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.