Men would you rather your wives …
1- Be willing to do anything and everything you want them to do in bed but just to please you and not necessarily because they are into it (IOW a bit more than duty sex)
2-Have a wife that is very turned on during sex and is passionate but have a somewhat vanilla sex life.
Edit (sorry!): and what does that LOOK LIKE to you husbands if you answer #2?
If a man is a born again believer, and follows Jesus’ teaching, he would never answer #1. I think any man who answers that way is being completely selfish. Sex is not a job or a chore to check off the list. Any man who wants to “use” his wife for sex has no idea what it means to Love his wife like Christ loves the Church.
I tell my wife all the time, ‘if you’re not into it, we’re not doing it’. I don’t care if it take s month of waiting; without the passion and connections of souls, sex to me is useless. Men are always like “I need a release” etc…Try going 18 months in a combat zone without sex and give me that lame excuse again. Sex isn’t a selfish I-need-a-release thing. If that’s how it’s being treated, it’s wrong. Go run around the block, take a boxing class, shoot guns, chop some wood, or some other way to release your testosterone. Our wives are meant to be cherished, loved, and served. And we can’t do that if we’re just wanting what we want. Until I help my wife close all her windows (like on a computer) her mind cant be focused as well. That’s what I spend my time doing. The effects of that are when the passion…the excitement of sex, and the fun begin in the bedroom.
#2. I really don’t mind if sex is vanilla but I really, really want to feel like my DW is like a heat-seeking missile coming at me. FWIW, it’s really in the romance and pre-foreplay areas of my marriage where my own tastes are not vanilla. Once we get to the bedroom, I’m pretty much all about intense sex but nothing too out of the ordinary. I’d gladly try new stuff if my DW wanted to although we both seem to be okay with the same sexual routine.
Answers to your questions:
- Is it initiating? A: Absolutely. See men’s answers here.
- Is it being vocal like moaning? A: Maybe. More moaning would be fine (I personally would love it), but I want it to be completely natural. If one’s DW is not a natural moaner, that’s okay.
- Is it going after her own orgasm with fervency? A: Absolutely.
Other things that matter:
- Smiling during sex!
- Talking about it afterwards (including the next day)!
- Show off your body invitingly. Here are some ideas.
- Compliment his physicality, particularly his penis. Here are some ideas, even if a few are eye rollingly 🙄 silly.
- Suggest new things, whether it’s a position, adding a wedge to an existing position, whatever.
I’m certainly no expert in this, so I hope these comments help!
@ALL_IN, I think you just made sure nobody will answer #1 now, even if it was the honest answer. 😉
I, personally, didn’t read #1 as a selfish thing, and definitely not criteria which we can base one”s salvation on. I could easily see a man being created to need variety and adventure. And a willing wife may be what he needs to feel loved, for example, if their love language is Acts of Service….. I think we should give that benefit of the doubt, rather than labeling them selfish and unsaved heathens 😉
Without giving myself any time to process the question or analyze my opinion on what my husband might desire, and I just immediately asked him, I was admittedly a little surprised at his answer.
This is hard for me to answer since I have never ever experienced #1 before. After more than 20 years of struggles and feelings of rejection, #1 sounds pretty good to me. I can’t imagine it would happen without her at least enjoying being a giver. I really enjoy being a giver but more often than not DW isn’t interested in the gift.
#2 and it’s not even close. Enthusiasm is the top thing I want to see (I’ve even tried to correct women who say that confidence is what their DH’s want…confidence and enthusiasm are not synonymous). It even tops literal things to see like my DW’s breasts or butt. Yes, that means I’d take #2 even if it came with the caveat of my wife always having to have clothes on (or ML in the dark or whatever).
About the only thing that would make me pause about taking #2 is if it got so vanilla that she couldn’t O…that’d be much tougher.
Without a doubt, #2. I think Scott did a great job of describing what this looks like. For me, moaning is a big turn on if it is natural, as is really going after the O.
I have actually had this discussion with my DW many, many times. Enthusiasm and passion are much more important to me than using multiple positions, etc.