Monday, February 10, 2020 – Today’s Question(s) of the Day

    • What sexual positions would you like to try?
    • Which sexual positions that you have read or heard are amazing and ended up being rather…meh?
    • When having sex, are you and your spouse more of a one position couple or more?  Why?
    Blanket on a secluded beach! Asked on February 10, 2020 in Question of the Day.
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    15 Answer(s)

      What sexual positions would you like to try?

      None, we’ve tried a number of positions over the years. Our gymnastics days are over!


      Which sexual positions that you have read or heard are amazing and ended up being rather…meh?

      Positions that either don’t work or are too much work. Positions that are difficult to get in and stay in, for me. Positions that are uncomfortable for Mrs. Oldbear – odd angles, too much strength required, etc.

       

      When having sex, are you and your spouse more of a one position couple or more?  Why?

      Missionary is the best. We can focus on our intimacy and experience without distraction and any discomfort.

      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 10, 2020.
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        • What sexual positions would you like to try?

        Maybe not a position per se…but I’d like us to have sex in other places other than the bedroom.

        • Which sexual positions that you have read or heard are amazing and ended up being rather…meh?

        We tried reverse cowgirl…that didn’t work out so well…

        • When having sex, are you and your spouse more of a one position couple or more?  Why?

        I love when DW is on top…very visually appealing…but she doesn’t O from up there…so typically, we’ll finish with me on top…that’s about as adventurous as we get with more than one position per encounter.

        On the floor Answered on February 10, 2020.
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          • What sexual positions would you like to try?

          There is none.  I am sure we haven’t tried every single position on a list, but we have tried a vast variety.

          • Which sexual positions that you have read or heard are amazing and ended up being rather…meh?

          I think all positions, other than my favorites, are “meh”.

          • When having sex, are you and your spouse more of a one position couple or more?  Why

          I believe we usually switch positions, but since that time I was concerned about my back/hips, we went a span with one position.  But it was effective and we have always tried to do what works.  When position 1 doesn’t work, we will move to position 2, and so on.

          Under the stars Answered on February 10, 2020.
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            We have tried most that we are able to execute! We usually do more than one position.

            If wishes could come true, rather than wish for a particular position, I’d wish both DW and I was as flexible as gymnasts, ballet dancers, or ice hockey goalies! I think we’d be able to try some new and exciting ones that way! 😀

            Under the stars Answered on February 10, 2020.
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              • What sexual positions would you like to try?

              We would like to try the swing from the ceiling versions.

              • Which sexual positions that you have read or heard are amazing and ended up being rather…meh?

              69, Reverse Cow Girl

              • When having sex, are you and your spouse more of a one position couple or more?  Why?

              After trying many positions, Missionary is the fun, enjoyable, adventurous position for us.

              Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 10, 2020.
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                • What sexual positions would you like to try?

                This is Scott speaking–reverse cowgirl! We sort of halfway tried it once, but it didn’t work immediately and now it’s off the table. For years now it’s been the punchline of a joke, as my answer for what we should do is often “reverse cowgirl”, which just gets a laugh and an eye roll. 🙄

                I don’t think Zelda necessarily has a position she’d like to try (I will ask tonight!)

                • Which sexual positions that you have read or heard are amazing and ended up being rather…meh?

                I don’t know about “read or heard are amazing”, but anything that I would call “side entry” ended up being rather meh for Zelda. What I mean by that is entering from the side (as opposed to from the front or rear). Think things like Comfy Sex Position.

                • When having sex, are you and your spouse more of a one position couple or more?  Why?

                It depends on the situation, but overall not a one-position couple. We have one “go to” position that is most likely to get her an O with PIV+vibe. So if we’re tired or think that it’ll be tough to get her to an O in another position, then we’ll just go straight to that and enjoy. Other times, we’ll start in a different position than that one, potentially switch to the “go to” one after a while, and often switch to something else after she’s O’d so that we can enjoy a bit of variety. It also helps that we’ve recently gotten her a way to finish outside of PIV so there’s not so much pressure on the “go to” position.

                -Scott

                 

                Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 10, 2020.
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                  I’d just like to find a position that really gives my wife physical pleasure. Unfortunately, she doesn’t get much out of PIV.

                  Cowgirl has not really worked for us. I very much enjoy the view, but my wife can’t find her groove on top and ends up looking bored.

                  85%+ missionary
                  10% cowgirl
                  5% rear entry

                  California King Answered on February 10, 2020.

                  @Tim, as I recall, you use MS (or maybe sometimes a vibe?) on your DW until she O’s prior to PIV, and then rush to the finish line with PIV because she’s “one and completely done”.

                  So here’s a thought–have you put serious effort into having her use a vibe on herself during your PIV sessions until she O’s? Many women find that their O’s are more pleasure when they have the “full” sensation that comes with PIV, so this would benefit both of you.

                  Unfortunately, missionary can be hard to get the vibe fit in between spouses, so you might consider side-of-the-bed positions that avoid the issues with WOT (she may not be able to focus) or rear entry (which some women don’t find pleasurable or may even feel degraded by). For instance, maybe Packing The SuitcaseMermaidButterflyTake Flight, or Are Those Colored Contacts?

                  For reference, we went over 12 yr without getting Zelda an O with PIV or otherwise. Unlike your DW, she did enjoy PIV at least. But the addition of the vibe transformed the PIV into an orgasmic experience (first achieved with the bed-side positions) and gave her much more sexual pleasure during PIV even without the O. I also found that once this happened, I found ways to last long enough for her to get what she wanted, in part due to increased lubrication reducing the frictional pleasure for me, but the rest was mental (it’s way easier to last long/hold back/do the start-stop stuff when you know she’s thoroughly enjoying her time with you).

                  Just some thoughts you can take or leave, but hopefully somebody gets something from this. 🙂

                  -Scott

                  on February 10, 2020.

                  Thank you for the ideas! Wife so far doesn’t want toys of any kind. Probably something to revisit the next time we have a sex talk. She does enjoy the closeness of PIV for a couple of minutes, especially if I’ve just given her a manual O. But after that, she quickly loses steam which can then take away some from my feelings of fulfillment if I’m trying to finish with a bored looking DW.

                  on February 11, 2020.

                  @Tim, good luck. Everyone’s different, so I just wanted to relay what worked for us in hopes it could help you. What I will say is that it took roughly 2 months from our first conversation where I suggested the vibe to go to actually using one on her. We are slow to move, and that’s okay. Also, I think it helped that it’s just a small thing that she holds on herself while the PIV happens…nothing else is different. It wasn’t until almost 5 months of using it that we tried it in any way that wasn’t during simultaneous PIV.

                  Oh, and the first time we “tried it” was just to see how it felt (and she found it surprisingly good). It was the second time that we first tried it seriously, and it helped get her the O for the first time (not counting wet dreams) on that first serious attempt…it was that useful. Since then, when we’ve used it there’s been a 96% “success” rate (calculated not estimated 😉 ). Clearly, YMMV.

                  Toys aren’t for everyone, but it was the right choice for us. May or may not be best for your MB.

                  -Scott

                  on February 11, 2020.
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                    1. What I’d Like to Try:
                    I’m not sure there’s anything. I think I’ll sit down with him and look at the Christian Friendly Sex Positions site. That could fit in with my attempts to get him to be more specific about what he wants in the bedroom.

                    2. Positions That Are Meh
                    Reverse Cowgirl. I will willingly do it if he asks for it. If we’re doing WOT (which I also don’t really like), I’ll ask if he wants it. I know he likes the visual, and it’s hot to think about him watching it. But the angle feels weird to me, and it’s definitely not my favorite.

                    3. Are We a One Position Couple
                    Right now, missionary is what we do because of my knee injury. I love the closeness of missionary, and I feel cared for because he’s keeping it to that position for my comfort. My injury is giving him the chance to be my hero. It’s very romantic.

                    Ordinarily, we mix it up a bit. There have been times in our marriage where we were having problems, and we’ve stuck to the spooning position where there is little intimacy and the sex is lazy. I’ve learned that if we revert to that position more than twice in a row, it’s symptomatic of a greater issue that we need to discuss.

                    Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 10, 2020.

                    “…the spooning position where there is little intimacy and the sex is lazy.”

                    While I certainly agree that spooning position can be lazy (that’s actually the name we assigned that position, “lazy style”, for years before we knew it was called “spooning sex”), I’m going to disagree on the “little intimacy” part.

                    When Zelda was pregnant, lazy/spooning was great for not just comfort, but also the intimacy of placing my hand on her pregnant belly for a unique shared experience. Even not pregnant, it allows for easier caressing/stroking of her neck/breasts/stomach/vulva/thighs than we can achieve in any other position we’ve tried, and there’s also good access to her shoulders and back. Honestly, I’m hoping we can get her an O in that position sometime so I can hold her tightly during her O (which we can’t do in any the positions where we’ve gotten her an O to date).

                    Sure, it’s not face to face, but neither is any other rear-entry position (without a mirror). Rear-entry positions offer different kinds of vulnerability/intimacy than face-to-face ones, and I’d argue spooning might be the most-intimate of rear-entry options. Similarly, WOT and other right-angle positions like Mermaid offer a different kind of intimacy with their exposed (but fantastic!) visuals and usually putting at least one of the spouses kind of out there.

                    I really do think that missionary is the most-intimate of sexual positions. But a peeve of mine is people thinking that other positions aren’t intimate because they lack that same close contact. Pretty much all sexual positions are intimate, but we shouldn’t downplay the intimacy of some of them because their intimacy looks different from that of missionary.

                    Not a rant against your answer DG, but just an opportunity for me to soapbox this one. 😀

                    -Scott

                    on February 10, 2020.

                    @Scott,

                    But a peeve of mine is people thinking that other positions aren’t intimate because they lack that same close contact. Pretty much all sexual positions are intimate, but we shouldn’t downplay the intimacy of some of them because their intimacy looks different from that of missionary.”

                    Isn’t it about the individual and how they personally feel connection and how they express intimacy?  It’s not really about the positions but the people?  And also, because one may feel a certain position is highly intimate, doesn’t mean the other will, or has to, feel the same way.

                    Understanding why a certain position feels so intimate to the other, can help us appreciate that position more and maybe even start making it feel more intimate for ourselves.  I believe when I explained why I love missionary so much, it made my husband see it in a new light and it even fed his manhood.

                    on February 10, 2020.

                    @SC:

                    Fair enough. As you know, I’m a bit of a cold, logical type and don’t necessarily think that way (about the individual) by default.

                    You’ve shared before at least part of why you like missionary, and I’ve taken that to heart and tried to think of those positive things concerning it (even if one facet of why you like it doesn’t apply to my marriage). In fact, I’d say that’s part of why I said I think missionary is the most-intimate position.

                    I do hope that someone reading my sharing as to why I think spooning is more intimate than some give it credit helps fuel their desire to try it more. To me, giving up on positions without trying to focus on their positives is potentially leaving the MB deprived in a way. And no, that doesn’t mean I value variety more than enthusiasm! 😛

                    -Scott

                    on February 10, 2020.

                    @Scott, did you feel I was coming against you? I had more of the perspective of I was getting behind you. But I guess they were questions for a reason. In my mind, and maybe it’s only in my own thinking, but if the questions I ask are true, it actually connects @Dovegreys thoughts/feelings and your thoughts/feelings. If it’s about the individual, and not the position, then it can explain why one person feels the lack of intimacy, while another enjoys the fullness of it, simultaneously.

                    on February 10, 2020.

                    Just to add…. I also think this shows why it’s important for a spouse to descriptively share, in a positive way, what something, like a position, makes them feel.  Because just as it may help someone like a stranger on TMB see it differently, it will help your spouse see it and feel it differently.

                    I guess I am not a man, nor am I all women, but I know that I would take a husband’s description of what they like to see and feel, and use it to focus on to help build towards a climax.  It might actually help dispel negative and self-conscious thoughts one could be having, and focus on the sexual and sensual side of the whole thing…which creates intimacy.

                    on February 11, 2020.

                    @SC:

                    I’m not sure what “coming against” means in this case, but I don’t think I thought that. But rebuking me for not being more empathetic? Yeah, a bit, but maybe that’s my own conscience speaking to me.

                    I do like your thoughts on sharing with a spouse how one feels/what one thinks of a position (or any act). Just the act of sharing is a vulnerability that can bring one closer to your spouse. I must admit, I don’t think Zelda and I have communicated like that very much over the years, at least not in the sexual arena, and maybe it’s something we should try to do more.

                    -Scott

                    on February 11, 2020.

                    Scott, my intent wasn’t to rebuke.  If anything I was trying to take your thoughts or “stand” deeper.  And even weave it with DG’s to show how they can fit together.  But also to challenge us all to look past our own experience and consider anothers.

                    on February 11, 2020.

                    @SC, thanks for that. Might be a topic for broader consideration here at TMB QNA–what makes some positions seem more/less intimate than others. I myself have to watch my language when discussing this, as I’ve tended to say that we often switch from our “go to” position to a more-intimate one after DW gets her O, but is that really true? We were just in a position where I was focused on her pleasure, watching her every move, and being as loving as I can in order to get her a great feeling (and one that eluded us for over a decade)…why in the world would I not consider that highly intimate?

                    I’ll have to ponder this some more. Honestly would love to hear what other God-honoring couples have to say on the benefits of certain positions (all positions). I think there is so much I have overlooked, being so focused on the physical for so long.

                    -Scott

                    on February 11, 2020.

                    I thought it could be an interesting broader discussion as well, but I wasn’t quite sure how to ask it, and I haven’t used my brain power to try to figure it out. 🙂

                    on February 11, 2020.
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                      1. Don’t know of any we want to try, that we haven’t. We are older, and not so acrobatic anymore, and many positions are for the young and daring!
                      2. We both agree with reverse cowgirl being a drag.  The view is facing the wrong direction, and it’s difficult to ‘tune in Tokyo’! 😉
                      3. Two positions most of the time. Good old fashioned missionary, and WOT. We like them both! (And, I can tune in Tokyo in either)
                      Hammock Answered on February 10, 2020.
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                        Our flexible days are over also, we are very limited and just try to focus on the positive, if i could it would be some sort of me sitting on him facing away (having something to grab onto and it all being the right height) that would be erotic i think.

                        I’m hoping this link is appropriate, i guess it would be something like this but we don’t have a bench, he would have to have his pelvis tilted more forward i think because of the ED.

                        https://sexinfo101.com/positions/bodyguard/sitting-bodyguard?set=woman-sitting

                        On the floor Answered on February 10, 2020.
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