My Best Marriage Advice

Answered

    I’ve been considering this post for a while, and wanted to get it done before my surgery. This is a collection of all the best advice I can vouch for from the 25 years DH and I have been married. I’ve divided it between what was given to us before we got married (we actually interviewed couples of 50 years or more of marriage before our wedding) and what we have learned along the way. I hope it is helpful to someone.

     

    My Best Marriage Advice:

    From the beginning (much of it from couples who had been married over 50 years):

    ~Strike the word Divorce from your vocabulary; if you have problems, solve them. Decide that if you can’t solve them you will just be miserable; you will then be much more likely to work hard enough to solve them! (Every couple we interviewed said this!)

    ~Pray for each other every day.

    ~Never make a commitment without checking with each other.

    ~Don’t put a TV in the bedroom; keep it for sleep and sex.

    ~There is no mine and yours; everything is ours. Put all accounts in both names.

    ~It’s better to be loving than to be right. Apologize first after a fight.

    ~Distribute household chores according to strengths and then do more than your fair share.

    ~No matter how you feel about your in-laws, they produced the person you love so respect them.

    ~Romantic love ebbs and flows; build a solid friendship to remain partners between the times of fuzzy feelings.

     

    Learned over time:

    ~Be sure you KNOW your spouse won’t mind sharing that funny story about him/her before you share it.

    ~The way you speak about your spouse to others affects the way you feel about him/her; (the more you complain, the more you find to complain about but the more you praise, the more you find to praise.)

    ~Whatever faults you each have before marriage will likely remain long after marriage, sometimes even if you both try very hard to change. Make sure you can live with them.

    ~It’s preferable not to go to bed angry, but if you get angry late at night, sometimes it’s better to sleep on it and make up in the morning.

    ~Never stop holding hands.

    ~Don’t compare your relationship to that of other couples.

    ~Don’t keep secrets unless they involve wrapping paper.

    ~Learn to appreciate or at least tolerate each other’s interests, even if at first you hate them, and be gracious about giving each other opportunity to enjoy them with and without you.

    ~Always make sex a priority and every so often try something new.

    ~Have fun together and laugh often.

    ~Work on projects together.

    ~Never assume you have learned all there is to know about your spouse; there is always something new.

    ~Go to bed at the same time and touch each other while you sleep. At least sometimes, sleep naked together.

    ~Letting the dog sleep on your bed will seriously impede your sex life; resist the temptation.

    ~Having kids will seriously impede your sex life; (you thought I was going to say resist the temptation, didn’t you! No, it’s worth it, but try not to let ‘em totally destroy it!)

    ~Don’t look at anniversaries as an obligation to “be romantic” and risk disappointment from unattainable expectations, but rather celebrate them as an accomplishment and the romance will follow.

    ~However you behave toward each other in the first five minutes after you have been apart sets the tone for your interactions the entire remaining time you are together.

    ~Never part without telling each other, “I love you.”

    ~Put God first, spouse second, children third, and everyone else comes after. Aim to distribute your time accordingly!

    ~Never forget just how much you love each other.

    Have to say almost all of these points are so salient- but have to disagree w/ one: pooches in our  bed – married now for 29.75 yrs(and we are each other’s best friend) but …. our golden doodles sleep next to hubby almost every night – which is awesome b/c it causes him to sleep closer to DW and allows for his physiological engorgement to be appreciated by both of us

    on July 4, 2019.

    Lol! That’s fantastic! Our pooches like to sleep between us. If we kiss, they will get up in our faces like they want some!

    on July 5, 2019.
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    11 Answer(s)
      Best answer

      Wonderful! Thanks so much for sharing.

      Also, always pursue God and one another with the goal of fulfilling His design for marriage!

      Under the stars Answered on July 4, 2019.

      Another great addition! Thank you!

      on July 4, 2019.
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        Good list.  Can I add…

        • Every coin has two sides.  Never say “you never”, “You always” without considering the wonderful blessings he or she is.
        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on July 4, 2019.

        Yes! Very good addition!

        on July 4, 2019.
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          I think this needs to be an article on the main page!!!

          Double bed Answered on July 4, 2019.

          Thank you; you are very kind!

          on July 4, 2019.
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            Thank you for that post, Duchess. It is very inspirational.

            I have a few things to add mostly for those who have found themselves in difficult spots in their marriage, regardless of fault.

            Never give up. You will never know how good it could have been if you quit.

            Never be the last to apologize and make amends. It doesn’t matter who did what first. Two people waiting on the other to go first NEVER makes a difficult marriage better. Learned that from Paul

            Never give up

            Telling your wife she is beautiful is always the right thing to say, but you have to say it so often that she believes you mean it, not just to get out of trouble.

            The best way to “get even” is to love unconditionally. You never truly feel better by answering hurt with hurt.

            I could go on a long time on this list, but I don’t want to hijack your post.

            Prayers for your upcoming surgery.

            Fell out of ... Answered on July 4, 2019.

            Thank you for your additions; they are really good ones! You should make a post and keep going!

            Thank you also for your prayers! I will be very glad to have this over with!

            on July 4, 2019.
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              A tremendous amount of wisdom and experience in that list. Thank you for that. Now I’ve got to get busy as I see I’ve got some work to do!

              Fell out of ... Answered on July 4, 2019.

              Thank  you!

              on July 6, 2019.
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                Thanks yet again Duchess, God bless and keep you through surgery and recovery.

                California King Answered on July 4, 2019.

                Thank you! On my way there now!

                on July 5, 2019.
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                  Very good advice Duchess!   Thanks for taking the time to share your wisdom with others.  If we had done what you and your husband did (interview long-married happy couples) before we married and taken their advice to heart, we could have saved ourselves some difficult times.  My FOO was very unstable and had been for a while so I was guided by a strong desire NOT to relate to my DW in the way I had seen growing up.   Thankfully, I had some grandparents whose marriage was healthy and my grandfather was the most influential male mentor I had as a late teenager and young adult.  I will always be thankful that God gave me him to guide me when life was so confusing.

                  Hammock Answered on July 4, 2019.

                  Thank you. I also was motivated to do differently than I had seen; I was a child of divorce and while I can see now there are many kids who have it far worse, I felt my childhood had been sufficiently damaged to never ever want to do that to my children. One of the couples we interviewed was my Grandparents, who celebrated their 50th the very year we married! There is nothing like godly grandparents to fill in the gaps where parents fall a bit short. 🙂

                  on July 4, 2019.
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                    I loved this list, Sis!  Thank you for sharing and a BIG AMEN to “…At least sometimes, sleep naked together.”

                    Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on July 4, 2019.
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                      OUTSTANDING LIST!  26.5 years later and I will say we have seen the same things as important. Not that we accomplished them, but agree fully with all you shared sister. #1 is in the proper place too in our opinion. We’ve told that to more than one young couple. That sets the tone for everything else and unless it is an ingredient in the foundation, it will crumble. There are a few things in the list that could be negotiable, but that one is not. I would only add one thing to that particular advice – evaluate the reason for taking that position and make sure it is a positive motivation and based on the absolutes of God’s word. I say that because although I went into marriage with the sentiment of “I’ll never divorce”, I had some negative FOO issues that was part of my motivation. That at times has clouded my view of the blessings of marriage.

                      Oh,….TV in bedroom…I agree, wish it was that way in my home sometimes, but I do think relegating the bedroom for sleep and sex only might also suggest that sex is only for the bedroom – which somewhat flies in the face of the “try something new” suggestion. But…..just a thought, to each their own.

                      May God bless you in your upcoming medical situation.

                      Queen bed Answered on July 5, 2019.

                      Thank you! Congratulations on your 26 1/2 years and on leading other young couples; we try to do some of that as we have opportunity (only in a very casual way). I’m not sure that I see a difference in the motivations based on God’s word and that of negative FOO issues. I had some quite negative FOO issues, but looked at them as an object lesson–“Here is what happens when you do not follow God’s plan for marriage…”

                      I had not seen the sleep and sex only rule as limiting like that; I certainly don’t want to suggest that’s the only place to have sex! Similar to a yacht christening, I guess, we have actually made a point to err…break in? stake our claim in?…every room in the house, including the staircase. I encourage everyone to do the same! 😀

                      on July 6, 2019.
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                        This is a very good advice. God bless you for sharing

                        Queen bed Answered on July 4, 2019.

                        Thank you.

                        on July 5, 2019.
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