My DH is very ill but he is concerned about my sexual satisfaction

    He is mostly in the hospital or other care facility and unable to participate in any form of sex. But it is still on his mind. Especially my satisfaction. I rarely think about it now because of his sickness. But he says I am too young to stop having sex or waiting for him to die. He has given me full permission to do anything, or be with anyone. He says even the Bible says the wife should go the husbands brother. I would not consider being with anyone else but he insists I tell him what I did sexually the night before when I visit him. I can’t lie to him. It makes him so sad when I say I did not do anything sexually. I am T a loss for what to tell him. Should I just make up a story?

    Queen bed Asked on December 1, 2019 in Activities & Items .
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      He’s almost certainly referring to the act of Levirate Marriage, mentioned a few times in the Old Testament, in which a widow would marry the brother of her deceased husband in order to bear children. This was important at the time due to how lineages and inheritance were handled.

      What it is not, is permission for a wife to have sex with anyone she is not married to. That’s still adultery, and is still sin, even if the husband gives his permission. You are wise not to consider that option.

      That said, you might consider engaging in some masturbation the night before you visit him, with the explicit intent to have a story for him. It would likely make him happy to know you’re being satisfied as much as you’re able. Even if you don’t do it for yourself, do it for him. And when you tell him about it, don’t just tell him the facts; engage in storytelling. I suspect that’s what would please him most, and in a way that’s how he can participate.

      Out of curiosity, you mentioned “waiting for him to die.” Is his illness terminal? Or just long-term?

      Double bed Answered on December 1, 2019.
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        Not knowing the situation in the hospital or facility, but wold you be able to have enough private time to perhaps MB in his sight? Or work a position in which he could pleasure you with a toy? I have had surgeries which caused great movement restriction,but it is amazing what can be accomplished with some ingenuity.  I am sure that if he cols witness you having pleasure, even without an O it would do him a world of good

        Double bed Answered on December 1, 2019.

        And don’t forget that you could use video conferencing to share an M experience with him too.

        -Scott

        on December 1, 2019.
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          He probably loves you so much, knows how much your enjoy sex, and feels bad that he is not able to satisfy you. I wouldn’t lie to him, just tell him how you honestly feel.

          Queen bed Answered on December 1, 2019.
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            Thanks for sharing, SecondMarge.

            What chapter and verse does your husband get the idea of being with a husband’s brother?

            Also for you, is masturbation out of the equation for you?

            On the floor Answered on December 1, 2019.
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              As Nova states a Levitate marriage in the Old Testament is not license to have sex outside of marriage. First of all it occured after the spouse was dead. Second, the purpose was preservation of lineage as well as providing the widow with a child to protect her and take care of her in her old age (Jesus provided this for his mother in John 19:26-27 by having one of the disciples take her in).

              Like the Levitical certificate of divorce (see Matthew 19) this practice was tolerated because of the hardness of people’s hearts and the primitive culture of the time.  It was not God’s design. 

              Hammock Answered on December 1, 2019.
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                @SecondMarge:

                Q: “Would telling a lie be ok?”

                A: No.

                See several of the other answers for alternative options.

                -Scott

                Hammock Answered on December 1, 2019.
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                  When people are hurting, they can get very mixed up about right and wrong. Try to increase  your spiritual intimacy at this time and pray for his faith to be strengthened. Even if he thinks he is being noble to suggest you seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere, he is mistaken and sinning in leading you astray by virtue of his position as head/leader of the household. Sometimes loving someone means doing what is best for them, not what they think they want. Whether he recovers and discovers how thankful he is that you remained strong in your vows and faithful only to him while he was out of commission, or he passes and must answer for his leadership, he will eventually be glad you chose to obey the Word over his pain-addled directive.

                  Even telling him you did something when you didn’t would be very problematic, both from the standpoint of the honesty God desires in us, and because it would be a shame if he made further mistakes under false information about your actions.  Remember God is all about Truth.

                  I am so sorry you are dealing with severe illness. That must be very hard and lonely! Remember that God can use any circumstance for your good and His glory, and he has a plan for you! I have a great aunt who remained faithful to her husband who had alzheimer’s and was in a nursing home for close to if not more than 15 years. She may have lamented the situation, but she never regretted her obedience. Eventually she was free to re-marry and had many happy years with her second husband before he too passed away, and I believe her later happiness was a reward of sorts for her patience and faithfulness to her marriage vows.  I will pray for you and your husband.

                  Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on December 1, 2019.
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                    Maybe he meant after he passes. But I’m not sure how I could tell him about it then.

                    Would telling a lie be ok?

                    Queen bed Answered on December 1, 2019.
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