Need advice- adjust to larger toys
Mrs. Hornet and I use glass toys regularly. Wanting to proceed to some that are a bit larger than what we normally use, (maybe by 2mm extra diameter) but there is physical resistance and some pain. Is there anything we can try to help her adapt to larger toys?
For me, there are a couple of benefits. 1) When orgasming the vaginal muscles seem to be looking for something to “grasp”, and when they have it, it is a more satisfying orgasm.
2) There are areas deeper within the vagina that can be quite pleasurable when stimulated, such as the A-spot.
For me, to orgasm with my husband, I almost always have to have a focal point of pleasure, which the vast majority of time is deeper within the vagina, with the occasional time closer to the entry. If I don’t have that stimulation within, a vibrator on the clitoris is only going to make me numb, not bring me to an orgasm.
IIRC, Grey_hornet is one who has lost some sexual abilities because of prostate problems. Correct me, and please forgive me, if I am wrong. I just want to give kudos to him for still keeping their sexuality a priority in their marriage! Just because one or both partners lose the ability to have actual intercourse (PIV), does not mean it has to be the end or death of their sex life! @grey_hornet, you are being an example to us all! Thank you!
We’ve never tried glass, but I will confess that I have an absolutely horrible sense of spacial reasoning. I’ve seen things online, looked at the dimensions, and didn’t think a thing about the purchase until I’ve got a monster in my hand, and then don’t know what to do with it. Far be it from me to ever throw something like that away, without at least trying it first. lol In my experience, arousal is the most important thing to be mindful of. The vagina has amazing stretchy superpowers, but no amount of lube can bridge the gap, if the arousal isn’t stoked really high. I found that using a position that allowed for the straightest entry, helped decrease discomfort. She may need more aftercare, especially since you are using toys that have no give. What feels good in the moment, or at least tolerable if trying something bordering on painful, can cause a surprising amount of tenderness after all of the excitement has worn off.
We have a glass toy as well as much bigger (thicker) dildos but which are flexible. I’ve not had an issue with the thicker ones. As was mentioned, a flexable toy can be accommodated much easier than a rigid one. Why not get one that is about the size of you? And some can vibrate too.
I don’t have much more to add from what GeorgeB.
The more aroused she is the better. Lube. Having the clitoris stimulated simultaneously, like with a vibrator, might help as well. And the only other thought is using your fingers first. If you can graduate from one, to two, then three fingers, I would guess she would be ready for a toy.
I have a rather large toy that isn’t really a go-to for a lot of literal pleasure for me, but DH loves the whole idea of it, so I am often attempting to use it when I’m just not that turned on yet. I have found that if I can get it past the labia (so it’s not doing that thing where it’s like dragging the top edge of the trash bag down into the can–know what I mean?) and a little bit of my lube on the tip (or as much as you want of artificial lube) then kind of–not exactly bounce, but–begin an in-out rhythm even though the strokes may be very very short at first. The slight pressure of that 1/2″, then 1″, then 1 1/2″, etc. penetration tends to increase arousal, not only increase but also spread lubrication, and gradually work open the muscles too. Next thing I know I’ve taken the whole thing. Just go slow and back off a bit if anything hurts.
What we did in a similar circumstance was make sure she was as relaxed as possible (wine, if she drinks, a hot bath, massage, etc.). Lots of lube. And make sure she’s very aroused before attempting penetration. Go very slow. I don’t know the shape or size of the glass toy (we’ve always thought about getting one or more) but since it’s glass, it doesn’t have any “give” like a penis would, so that may be part of the issue. Make sure that you caress her erogenous areas (clitoris, nipples, etc) so that she’s feeling pleasure as she opens up to receive something larger than what she’s used to. Hope that helps!
@N2dw “what is appealing to a woman about having … the vaginal canal filled/stimulated …?”
For me it does very very little towards actual orgasm, short of a lot of rapid and forceful hip movement on my part, which send DH to the finish line too quickly. The pleasure in it for me is the connection to him, the feeling that he is as close to me as he can possibly be. There is a comfortable sense of stretch and pressure and the fact of doing something with him that only I can do and only he can do with me. Nothing else really speaks to those deep feelings of physical connection like him penetrating me.
That large toy we have is not nearly the same, but because it stretches and puts pressure there, it is a bit like a reminder sensation. I feel the stretch and it makes me think of when I feel DH in there.
One more thing for helping wives who need help accommodating something large: don’t forget to warm it up. Even silicone can be uncomfortably chilly, making it difficult to work with.